autumn's story

1 Year - 2 Women - 3 Engagements - 1 Wedding

I dated a guy for 5½ years (the relationship was very up and down). About a year ago he met another woman, and he left me. He didn’t tell me, I found out on my birthday via his facebook status saying he was excited about his date, whom he tagged in the post (and it wasn’t me). I was devastated.

He proposed to her 2 months later.

5 months later (I was still working through the heartbreak) he came to me saying he made a huge mistake, and he never stopped loving me, he was just running from his feelings for me because things hadn’t been going well between us. He did many things, and said many things until he convinced me to give him another chance. During the 7 months we weren’t together he found God, quit drinking, quit smoking pot, got a job, and joined a recovery program for sex addiction. I believed he was a changed man, and I saw evidence. Things were wonderful. Granted, there were a few indications that maybe he wasn’t a completely changed man, but there was certainly major improvement. He proposed to me 3 months later, and he was pushing to get married immediately, I however, was dragging my feet a bit.

Almost immediately after the engagement, things took a turn for the worse. Although he wasn’t cheating on me, drinking, or smoking pot (he did lose his job), he became extremely controlling, jealous, picked me apart, and was creating division between me and everyone/everything in my life. I was pretty concerned, but I looked at it as if I’m committed to marrying this man and together we can work through whatever problems arise.

2 months later, without warning, he left me.

7 weeks after that he married the girl he left me for a year ago.

I discovered that he undoubtedly has narcissistic personality disorder. The knowledge of the disorder has provided the missing piece to a puzzle I was obsessed with solving for 5½ years. It’s been almost 3 months since he left, and I’ve done everything that’s recommended. For the first 2 months I was doing considerably well due to the understanding I gained, which gave me the rationalization that I was spared from a life of misery. However more recently I’ve been feeling that my brain’s victory cries are being drown out by the cries of my wounded heart. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any desire to have him back, but the anger and victimized mentality are subsiding, and it stings lately.

I have a wonderful support system, but none of them get it. I’m sharing my (extremely summarized) story in an attempt to find comfort and healing through encouragement, suggestions, and simply a mutual understanding with other women who have been afflicted by the mental and emotional destruction caused by someone with this disorder.

When will this chapter end?