audrey117's story

My Story

I had been reluctant to share my story on here. I am jobless for next year, homeless, living in a hotel in a foreign country, having been cheated out of a lot of money, the apartment, and etc. after having moved across the world for my N.

I should have seen the signs all along. He was obsessed with image, fancy everything, works at a well-known company...only wears Armani Express (the cheap store in America which he then claims is real Armani). We knew each other for a year before we started dating. I knew he was arrogant and only thought of himself even before we dated, but he sent me flowers every week. He just showered me with love and gifts, and I had everything I wanted. He proposed to me early on in our relationship, and then I was hooked. For me, I just thought that it was my responsibility to start making sacrifices since I now had a fiance. My parents have been married for over 40 years. I just really felt that I would eventually get something back.

Things changed once I moved here. We dated for about 2 years before I moved (now 4 years total plus here), but 1.5 years of that had been a long-distance relationship. Once here, he became nasty, abusive, distant, cold, demeaning. Everthing was my fault. I could go through a laundry list of instances that I see clearly now. When I came here, one of the biggest differences was money. He started controlling all money. All of a sudden everything I paid was half - half the apartment, we had separate groceries even though I cooked for him, half of all bills, apartment items we bought, even every last DVD he or we purchased. I had to pay him, and then he would pay the bills. I made very little money, and he was a big-shot project manager with 2X+ the salary. If I had made a lot, I would have been happy to go this route, but I was struggling. Plus, I was paying for German lessons on weekends on top of everything. That was the start and the fact that he owned the car and would not let me drive. I could not go anywhere. He started telling me how bad my cooking was, started saying I was a horrible dancer and he hated dancing with me...I could do nothing correctly. He even refused to speak German to me for 2 years here, although I was taking lessons and even did three interviews for other jobs all in German. He still introduced me as 'she cannot speak any German.' And I had no time for him since I worked full time to pay my half of all bills, and he complained that I did nothing for him anymore...in reality I cleaned the house for hours, cooked when I could but I worked and studied weekends too, and I bought him small gifts..books on management, soccer jersies, an ipod, etc. all the time even on my smaller dime. Oh and for my birthday, I got a coupon book from him. A coupon book for 1/2 price dinners in the city, but he took me out and I still paid 1/2 of all our dinners together. He also proceeded to tell everyone that he took me out to dinner every Friday night...but he did not tell them that I had to pay half of the dinners!

He just set me up for failure here, and then I had made so many sacrifices in my career and my life to come here for him...slowly I realized there would be nothing in return. I just was afraid to leave him, and I was in denial that he was such a horrible person after having initially everything I ever wanted. It made me so frazled too. I blew up at him once or twice in front of his friends, and of course then I was the crazy one and he said he was afraid of me. It all ended a few weeks ago. I had been on a trip..during this trip he had called me talking about planning our future wedding. Then, when I returned, he refused to pick me up at the airport because it cut into his X-box time. He told me he did not love me anymore, only called me while I was away out of duty, had enjoyed me being gone, and wanted someone more like his mother. Yes, those were his exact words. He wanted someone like his mother as a wife...that would do everything for him. You know he even made me sign a contract when I came here about our relationship. Why did I think that was endearing, I do not know. The contract of course had all kinds of things to do for him in there.

Moving out was the worst. He refused to drive me and my stuff to a hotel. I had to get friends invovled, which he told to their faces that he was surprised I ever had any friends. He guarded our furniture by taking off 1 whole week from work. He called me all day at my workplace, even from Ikea listing the price of all things in the apartment. He would send e-mails if I did not answer the phone. He threatened to kill our cats. He even kicked them. He held the money for our nice furniture over my head as a means to manipulate me. He hid all of our jointly owned things at a friend's place. He threatened to bring girls in the apartment. He even made me knock on the bedroom door to have his alone time each morning and night, and he told me about what he was doing and thinking about in there. It was so gross! He laughed at all the sacrifices I made for him...and he even translated what his mother and he laughed about what I had sacrificed for him. It was like looking at a psycho-killer all of a sudden. It took me a few days to get everything out since he would not help and although I had language skills..they were not good enough at times, espeically when he tried to get others involved in crushing me and told them lies. I was in shock too, big shock at first. I moved to a hotel before I could find an apartment because in the end money is not worth the abuse and pain. He did eventually pay for the furniture somewhat, but I gave up on the rest.

So, now I have had time to think and understand more of what happened. I think they should offer a dating 101 class in colleges in the pyschology department as a manditory course. I never would have expected the person he became. Sure, I expected the honeymoon stage to pass at some point, but I did not expect a monster to arise.

Anyway, now happily free...so ready to be back in the USA, and trying to think positive about my future these next months!

- A