Graces Girl's Story

New to the site and happy I am not alone!

I would like to start by saying I dont believe in coincidense. I have been recently dealing with my ex NPD and it started to upset me. I was starting to feed into the "poor pitiful me" routine he pulls to manipulate me into doing what he wants (in this case pay all of a bill he is supposed to pay half of) and the other day I found this site. It was a wake up call and a reminder that a preditory person was again pulling my strings and I have the power to stop it. So thanks to all of you for sharing your stories. I am certainly not alone. So here is the good, the bad and the ugly.

I met Jimmy when I was 27, just out of two long term relationships. I went to a club with friends in Jimmys small home town..He was well known especially with the ladies because he was a star athlete and very popular. I had been taking care of my ill father so I was tired and didnt really want to be there. He asked me to dance and with out making eye contact or really even seeing him I said "NO"(no girl in that place would have ever said no, thus I became a challenge) He asked again later and when I turned around to say "NO" it was all over. I was looking up at 6'4" and 280 pounds of tall, dark and stunning. It was like a freaking romance novel, instant attraction and chemistry, mind blowing sex and a seemingly deep connection that developed very quickly. His friends telling me they had never seen him act like this. I was flattered. We both enjoyed being together, we went out alot and at the time seemed ideal. Now that I look back knowing what I know now I can see the red flags big and little. Back then I was 5'4" 115 Lbs long blonde hair always done, always tan, nails done,and dressed well. My friend said I was hard to figure out when she first met me, I looked like the stuck up "Barbie" as she called me but then when you get to know me I am a goofball who never ever thought of my self as "beautiful".He hated it when any other man looked at me. He started saying things like "I'm not usually attracted to blondes but yours is pretty" or "all the other girls I dated have been 5'9" or taller but even though your short you have long legs" According to Jimmy they were all super model material. I actually felt lucky he choose me. Or when I would cook he would say "this is good hun but when my mom makes it she uses more pepper maybe you should try it" It was so covert it didnt even register. Other flags like the fact that he lied about his age (he was actually 5 years younger than I) or when I found drugs at his house and when I confronted him he said he lied because he knew I was against it and he did not want to loose me, or when a friend told me they saw him leaving his work at lunch with a girl in the front seat, his answer? She is jealous because you dont go "bar hopping" with her any more and you spend time with me. I bought it all. Fast forward a year, we were living together and I found out I was pregnant with our only daughter. We got married and he treated me like gold the whole pregnancy, and after she was born it was down hill fast. Name calling, put downs, spending more time with his friends away from home. Eventually it got physical and after a fight I went in the bathroom to take a shower and calm down and the next thing I know he is choking me to the point I started to black out. I stayed because of the baby and not wanting to admit I had made a mistake. I was raised with parents that were married for over 50 yrs. My Dad never called my mom anything but her name. They had disagreements but never what you would call a real fight. They both worked and contributed to the family. Jimmy's parents were divorced when he was five, his mother never remarried, its my opinion that she used Jimmy as the replacement for his father (he looks just like him) and the father who I suspect also has NPD fights like cats and dogs with the step mother who is described as "crazy" After we were married and bought a house he decided to quit the good job he had and never even discussed it with me, he would use up all his vacation even though I begged him to save it so we could do something fun..nope he did what he wanted. He was off work for a year, during this time I was working overtime to try and buy Christmas presents and after working 5 hours over on my day off I met him and his mom for lunch, after in the parking lot he informes me that he is going to play golf. I said "uh I just worked my day off to buy the baby a present you cant spend it on golf!" His reply was "oh you made your measly 70 dollars, good for you, shut up and go home" Right in front of everyone, I was mortified. All his mother said was "oh Jimmy, he sure does love golf and it is warm for December" I wanted to shoot her and him on the spot. Other red flag was that he tried to make me seem crazy, I would ask him what he wanted for dinner over and over with no response. And then what ever I made was wrong. I could not do his laundry right, I could not clean right. Then he got a really good job a family member helped him get and before long he refused to go in and eventually got fired after verbally abusing and threatening his supervisor. He behaved more and more strangely, he would stay in the family room and play online video games for 16 to 20 hours a day, would not eat with us or spend any time what so ever. I found out he was using IV drugs. When I asked his mother for help her reply was "well I guess your going to have to get a second job then" I said "no bitch I wont" and I left. We were split up for over 9 months when he came crawling back begging for me to get back together and I was dumb enough to fall for it. With in one month of moving back he was falling back into the old habits. If anything it got worse. Every sentence to me started out "hey dumb ass" or "hey stupid" one day I thought about how long it had been since he called me by my name! And it seems to be a theme with NPD men the mind blowing sex disappeared and if it lasted for more that a couple minutes I was shocked. He would not kiss me or hug me at all. Seeing me beg for a kiss or for him to hold me seemed to make him happy. He began to me more cruel than ever, saying things about my father who had stroke once while he was raging and probably high he called him a slobbering idiot and after he died he didnt seem to get why I was upset after all "he had a good life, I need to get over it." I left again this time for good and we are divorced. He still trys to manipulate and control me in different ways now. For example he came to get our daughter to take her to a Dr. appointment and when he came over to get my half of the bill he said "gimmy the check fool" I got up and stood up to him and said ask me like a human being or you dont get it. Of course in true NPD style he said "well if you dont care about your daughters health thats on you". He thinks she worships him, little does he know that she loathes him and that is not what I want but that is what his behavior has caused. Some things never change but I have. I now have good job and dont rely on him for anything, I have a nice house and car I pay for and most of all I am returning to happyness. He is on the other hand jobless, living in a dumpy apartment that his mommy pays for, driving a car his mommy pays for and cant keep a girlfriend because he treats them the way he treated me and generaly walks around looking miserable. My sister is right about one thing..Karma's a bitch