paramsatya's story

She left me emotionally drained and trapped in her web! Dont know what to do

I have recently broke up with my ex girlfriend and felt so depressed, full of stress, bleed from my nose, my confidence level was at the lowest, got nightmares, my body would shake/tremble, panic attacks, I would be afraid to walk outside the house, talk to any person than I know already. I have lost more than 20 pounds in a couple of months and still trying to recover from the trauma. There are two major reasons I have signed up in this forum and writing my experience. First to vent out my terrifying and traumatizing experience and to share with people who understand what Im talking about because I tried to talk to a normal person who haven’t heard such a thing and have never experienced it and don’t understand what I’m talking about and looks at me like I have lost my mind, which isn’t true. The second reason is to support those who have been thru such a devastating experience and to educate them that it is not our fault. We have been a victim which we didn’t know till now.

My story goes like this: I’ll name this girl “H”. So I met H in aug 2009 at a volleyball court. She was charming, helpful, caring and very confident girl. We met every day to play volleyball and within few days she would tell our team members that she has crush on me (While she was dating another guy which I wasn’t aware of). She started sending me texts, Facebook request, chats and other means of staying in touch. She would ask me what I did at school (we both were student) and work. Gradually we got closer and dating. She told me that she recently had a “Bad” breakup with another guy. I was sympathetic to her and tried to help her get out of it. One night I wanted to give her a surprise and went to her house at around 3 am. I found her with the same guy she broke up with. I immediately left the house and she broke up with me un-sympathetically and left me. I tried to stay away from her but she wouldn’t let me stay away. She will text me, fb IMs and would tell my friends that I don’t even wants to be friends with her and would say that she haven’t done anything “Wrong” that I lost my trust in her. Seriously! I later found that she was dating a third guy and had sexual relationships with all three of us at the sametime.

She then started to put all her efforts in bringing me close to her and made me forgive and forget what has happened and start a new life together. She wouldn’t leave me alone. The more I tried to run away the more she would chase me. We finally started dating again. She was a very nice person, caring, do all that I wanted in a girl, she would tell my friends that I make her so happy and I’m hopeless romantic blah, blah. She still had connections with her exs, actually she had dated 6 guys in past and had connections with 4 of them. She would even stay in contact with the guys she had one night stands with. I was always in-secured about it and always asked her to avoid staying in touch with other guys while we are dating because I don’t like it. She would tell me to build trust on her. I like her so much and fell in love with her that I ignored all. She would fly to cali with an excuse to attend conference and meet her ex and stay in the same room. H always kept me in confidence by texting me what’s going on so that I don’t distrust her. I liked this way. I always thought I need to build trust on such a great girl. The fact is that I just herd what she said and didn’t see what she did. She was playing smart since the beginning.
We dated like this for over a year. During this period we lived together in the same house like we both got what we really wanted. She would talk how she wants to marry me, build a house, and have three babies. I was always surprised how eager she is to marry me in such a short time. She would buy me gifts, pick clothes for me, when we eat out pick food for me. I was so overwhelmed by her care towards me. My love towards her grew stronger and I fell for her deeper day by day. I met her family and she talked to mine. When I went to India I got her a Promise Ring with the promise to marry her and she was so excited about it. She then started controlling me even more. She would correct me, tell me what I should/shouldn’t do, she will always dominate in a discussion, she would never put herself wrong rather blame me for her mistakes. She started to make excuses for sex. She would give me cold responses and wouldn’t listen to me what I had to say. She would put me in situations where I don’t know what to do now. I would walk on eggshells. I was getting submissive day by day. She started to be competitive and put me down in front of friends. Everything started to be about her, her and only her like I wasn’t there. I kept facing it because of my love towards her and thought it’s just the way girls act. Things changed after I moved to Chicago and she flew to Seattle after my school was done. She was not happy about it. After I went to Chicago I felt weird about this relationship, I would have restless nights, and headaches wouldn’t know what to do. I was getting less interested in her because of whatever she was doing. She would ask me to visit her and tell her friends that Im visiting her because I can’t live without her. She started playing reverse games. She never called me rather asked me to call her and text her. The more I tried to get away from her the more she pulled me down in her game. I knew this isn’t going in the right direction.

In Oct she flew to Chicago to fly to India with me for my brother’s wedding. She gave me very cold response. She would frustrate me to the level that we run into fights. She blamed me of being abusive. She wasn’t the girl I fell in love with. We then flew to India. In India she told my entire family how much she loves me and she wants to marry me. I was so surprised about it. She put her show at greatest. She even told my family that if I get married to her I will get green card. I was surprised and overwhelmed by her thoughts. She then flew to Portugal for her research and I flew back to the states. While she was in Portugal we started making plans for our wedding. She wanted me to propose after she gets back to the states. I got her dad’s permission. After India we met each other on Jan 19. I was shocked how she has changed again. She was so cold, wouldn’t talk a word about wedding. She showed me pics of her with other guy on ship (who she was dating and had sex with, because she considered herself “Technically Single”) while she was planning our wedding. I was shocked and wanted to leave right then. She would say she didn’t do anything wrong and I need to build trust on her. WOW! I was again trapped in her game. She would control me, tell me that I’m depressed and need medical assistance. She started telling lies. I found list of guys she had dated and slept with after we started dating. I planned to leave her and then she would beg me to stay and be all nice and caring. She said there isn’t a single thing in or relationship that she doesn’t like and she loves me to death and wants to spend the rest of our lives together. At the same time she told her friends there’s another guy begging for her. She won’t care a bit rather want me to change and do everything she wants and then only she would marry me. I had no idea what was going on in my life. She then started to involve her friends, our mutual friends and my family saying that I’m trying to breakup with her. She started to flirt with more guys and would call me jealous and named my discussions, trying to know what she wants, fights. One moment she wanted to marry me and the other not. She stood me as an abusive person in front of her friends. I was in total control of her. When I tried to seek assistance with her friend to understand what she wants, she wasn’t happy and showed her aggression. She would punish me by letting down my dignity, family and friends. At that point I considered myself the biggest loser in life. I had my iphone wallpaper as Looser. I would hide this with my family and friends considering its normal. In the last few days she started saying things which I ever said, she would prove me a liar. I was living in a torture chamber and that experience I call Hell. She would laugh at me and sleep without any issues when I couldn’t sleep. She denied having sex with me. She would continuously ask my family to take me away because I’m abusing her. The last night we went out to club and she had me take two shots one after other and made my voice recording while I was drunk, frustrated and yelling at her. I even didn’t know when that happened. She then sent it to all her friends, our mutual friends and my family saying that I have been doing this to her for month now and I have gone crazy and they should take me away. She stood me abusive in everyone’s eyes and made the world stand against me. I asked her to delete that recording but she spread it our friends circle and no one talks to me. She tells them that she wants to marry me and I’m the one who left her after abusing her. She knows that I know that she has cheated on me and she has another guy begging for her so she made me a scapegoat. After all this happened she still wanted to continue this but one of my friends, who had gone thru the same experience, asked me to do research on Sociopaths. I then realized the truth but today she have left me without any options. This story is so puzzled for a person who doesn’t know anything about it. I know Im not wrong but I suffocate everyday just thinking about how I got into her game and now I’m alone in this fight.

She has done this to multiple guys in her life and has made herself the victim of abuse. I doubt if she will ever stop and I feel so bad for those who get in her trap and feel helpless just like me. I want to stop her but don’t know how because no one would listen and believe me what’s the TRUTH is.