N:
I don't even know where to start with this letter. Goodbye to the person I thought I knew, the love I thought we shared and the dreams I thought we had together. I couldn't have loved you more and I couldn't have been a better girlfriend. How dare you try to turn my holding you accountable for your actions into trying to "control" and "change" you? It might be easier to hate you, to wish I never met you; but I learned so much about myself through this process. I reminded myself, and I guess in a way you reminded me, that I'm an awesome, beautiful, intelligent and caring person and it is ok to love someone; just not more than I love myself. If I lose in love, I'm here to pick up the pieces; I am strong. I forgot that when you left me. I was scared, felt abandoned, literlly felt my heart breaking. But you know what? I did it. I tried love, I jumped in with both feet and gave it everythign I had. I truly loved; can you say the same thing? Maybe I loved you too much, so much so that I lost site of me. What a valuable lesson I have learned. You left with a text message??? No phone conversation, no closure; you shut the door on "us" so easily it was painful. I'm not sure I've ever cried so much. I wept for the person I thought I lost though, not for you because you are not who you present yourself to be. You left like a coward, because you are; afraid to really love, afraid to really live. Goodbye to you, goodbye to being consumed by your life, your habits, you need for attention and admiration, and your inability to be faithful. You don't care about anyone but yourself and your own instand gratification. You have reminded me that I can trust myself and listen to myself; I have damn good intuition. Your leaving may have shattered me temporarily but I'm stronger than ever now. The strenght was always there, just hidden under what you wanted me to be. What doesn't kill you does indeed make you stronger. You will never know the bliss of being in love, to me that is a very sad existence. I forgive you for the hurt, pain and doubt you brought into my life. More importantly, I forgive myself for loving your illusion so blindly that I started to lose sight of myself.