Dearest son of a bitch - I wanted to send you this via e-mail, text message, or even say it to your face (yeah right, who am I kidding. I could never say this to your face because you never ever have a response). Anyways, I wanted to let you know a few things or two how I feel in my heart that you probably should already know. I loved you for who you were, not who you pretended to be. I accepted every single flaw of yours and yes there are many but I never looked back. I adored you for you. Your laugh, your smell makes me feel complete. When I fell in love with you, I thought for sure this was it. Then you proposed to me and I just absolutley melted. That day forward I committed my life to you and to your son. I supported you in school, I worked for us. For us to eventually have a great life. Then I thought to myself, I could use some new clothes, my nails look much prettier done but I had zero money yet you had everything? I still did not care, you were happy and that is what made me happy. As time grew on, I noticed you telling lies to that family member that enabled you as much as I did with money. Are you seriously that heartless? You loved to party but felt obligated to ask me to go with you. I was your finace, wasn't I? I still didn't care. I would always say with hestiation, "Go out, have fun babe. Be good though." You kissed me goodbye and then my stomach turned into knots towards the last year of our relationship. No wonder..I was competing with multiple girls. Why? Wasn't my love enought for you? I did every sexual thing you fantasied about, I always made sure you had food in yhour belly, I slaved over your son, I encouraged you in school. I was your biggest cheerleader..how did I manage to get royally fucked? I know you "cheated" on me. You may of not of slept with her but you cheated, period. I was pregnant. The happiest moment of my life. I remember when I first found out, I was at my Mom's and I was so scared to go home and tell you. Once I did, you told me that I was lying for a second and then proceded to tell me that we are going to be completely broke. You weren't even working. You have never worked, just sucked people dry. I remember seeing our baby for the first time on the sonogram all by myself in that cold room. I started to cry because he/she reminded me of a little teddy graham, yes the one you eat. It was the most precious thing I have ever seen. But you weren't there? Oh, I forgot, you had a serving job at this time. Yah, the one you would come home drinking from every night that ends in "y." I remember the time that you broke off our engagement in front of your entire family. All eyes on me. I had no clue. That feeling will always be with me. You could never tell me anyting, if something, without somebody around. Are you that big of a pussy? Probably not, you are just addicted to the nasty part of that "p" word.
Remember the time I confronted you, yes in front of your friends, about cheating on me with that girl you called totally crazy? You told me to shut the fuck up because I was a stupid bitch and my voice was annoying to you. I couldn't believe I loved you at that point yet I still love you to this day. I guess you are right, I am crazy. You have made me this way and you will be sorry. You then decided to move a little further away from me. I knew at that time what you are up to. This is was your out. You had no ties now. I helped you paint your room to make sure it was nothing but perfect. The very next week, you went out, met somebody, and I was non-existent until the night you needed me. I jumped. I loved you. We had amazing sex, the best ever. You confessed your undying love for me, as much as you could, and I melted. I went back, totally jumped back into our old life. I only wanted my life back and you can gave it to me. After your mulitple major changes for school, you decided to go out West for a "meeting." Boy, what a party fest that was. I hope you enjoyed it. Actually you did because you left me again for a girl you met for 48 hours. I hope she is worth it.
I think you are totally fucked up in the head, you have some major fucking issues. I actually am head over heals in love with you still but my heart forbids me to even go there. You have destroyed me in more than one way. Yes, I let you. Yes, I am blaming you. Take responsiblity you mother fucker. Have a captain and coke on that one. What are you going to do when you return home? Reality check! You have nothing here. You have lost me, disappointed your entire family, as usual. I hope this is the life you wanted because you sure in hell got it. Good luck to you.
You will never find another women, at least a decent one, that will love you like I did. I hope you feel what I feel right now. The loss, the hurt, the exhaustion from something that you admired so much. And even though I would love to hear from you, a tear runs down my face because I know in my heart I could never go back. I think that is what makes me the saddest. The fact that I can't be with someone that I love because they are sick, disordered. Yes, that is you. I feel bad for you because the minute you get in touch with me, you will know that I can no longer do this. Live a life like this. It sucks but remember you made it this way. I actually have a bit of hate for you, just as you have for me apparently.
Take care babe..I wish I could say that I would always be there for you or accept your friendship, but I can't and I won't..but hey keep that head up like you always have. XO