Does This Sound Familiar?

Does This Sound Familiar?
4

Imagine standing at a $5 slot machine with $10,000.

And you stand there putting in $5 and hitting the handle. And you do it over and over and over, and then maybe you win $20, and then you decide to double it and put even more in there to get a bigger payout, and you do it over and over and over and over and you hit $20. And you stand there forever and you look down and have only $100 left and say, “well, shoot, I am going to keep trying until I hit the big one”.....and you put in $20, then $10, then $5, and you do it over and over and over and keep hitting that handle in hopes of a payoff.....and then next thing you know, all of it is gone, you feel lost, deflated, uneasy, anxious, scared, and you have nothing left. So you go to the bank and get more cash, because you just know you are going to win....repeat.

Sound familiar.

I kept putting so much into this relationship and never got a ‘payoff’....he sucked everything out of me. And he will do it to the next gambler. They are no different than me...

I stood at that slot machine for 3years, and today, I am 40days NC and I am finally getting some of myself back. I am so absolutely, positively DONE hitting that machine.

Once a slot machine, always a slot machine, they will ALWAYS TAKE. Once a gambler, well, you can change that...get help and quit going back to what is ruining your life and taking SO much from you.

knighty2035's picture

I've been waiting for 16 years

And sometimes... that mother f#$@%ing slot machine gives out just enough to keep me playing. but I've now realized that the machine will give ONLY as little effort as it can get away with. 6 years ago it even went to counceling for a year. But it's all smoke and mirrors in this fun house!

D.'s picture

That perfectly described what

That perfectly described what I've gone through for 4 years with the narc/bpd in my life. I am finished jumping through his hoops (oops that the circus - my other favorite analogy!)

I'm so glad you are No Contact and on the road to healing, SammyP. Soon I will be joining you!!

SammyP's picture

Thank you D! Its a road of

Thank you D! Its a road of work ahead, but I am doing it day by day. Thank you.

sunrising's picture

wow, what a powerful message

wow, what a powerful message you posted. I can see how I became addicted to trying to make my marriage work for so many years and why when I left I had withdrawals from the addiction to him/marriage. Thank you for posting your thoughts.

onwithmylife's picture

sammyp

If you can, get a paper back book called Get Rid of Him, by Joyce Vedral, she has this fabulous book on different types of men and how to spot them and rid yourself of them if you are in a relationship, It is a GEM of a book.She mentions the investment issue as well, when to get out to save your own life, they are doomed...............

BtrflyGrl's picture

Very Familiar

I live in a gambling town and just like the machines he always seems to have a steady supply of suckers just waiting to pull that handle. I have no proof but my gut tells me he started up with at least one emotional affair several months ago. So even if they don't get together (she is married) he gets his supply. In retrospect you see all the weird questions and comments made that you just tossed aside - because as we know delving in would never get us to the truth of the matter anyway. Every question was calculated and he was gauging my response to determine how to best cut me off at the knees. Whether he knew it or not! GRRRRRR

Sparrow's picture

Great analogy! And you are

Great analogy! And you are so right. The investment made verses the payoff is so far apart from one another that it is senseless to continue to make the investment.

I like this, will have to remember it!

Thanks for sharing!

Hunter's picture

SLOTS OF NOT FUN... LOVE

SLOTS OF NOT FUN...

LOVE THIS..

Hunter