Jessyjess27's Story

Today is day one and I am scared as hell.

I have been with a narcissist on and off for five years. In the beginning, he was everything I could ever want in a man. I truly believed that he was the one for me. After a few months, I began to notice that he was acting different. He wanted to slow our relationship down and wanted to downgrade our relationship from bf/gf to "exclusive people who are seeing each other". I obliged because he seemed so busy and he said it was only a temporary situation.

He is a professional dancer (he teaches, travels and performs) mostly Latin dances. On a networking site I came across a flirty comment and curiously clicked on her page. I was appalled to see a picture of the man that I loved with another woman! His dance partner! Kissing! When I asked him about it, he denied it to no end and called me a stalker. That's when the cycle began.

We would be great and then the minute I wouldn't do something (usually sexual favors) he would call me outside of my name. He would punish me with the silent treatment,being emotionally abusive and withholding things (eg: he said I wasn't allowed in his home until I learned how to behave). I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time.

I tried to leave so many times but he would always apologize to me with flowers and promises and then he would show me -again-the man I was with in the beginning of the relationship. The emotional abuse began to get worse as I caught him in so many lies. One time he said he was out the country and I spotted him in the mall and he turned it around and said it was my fault.

I ended up getting pregnant and he discarded me. Claimed it wasn't him and made me out to appear that I was this loose woman who slept with everyone and everyone. I aborted the baby and he contacted me weeks later to see if it had "been taken care". After I confirmed it was, he said he wanted to continue our relationship again..and again he was the guy I knew in the beginning.

The years got crazy and I don't remember so many details but I do recall finding women hair products and clothing in his apartment. He said it was his sister's and when I bumped into his sister to comment how pretty the blouse was. She said she had no such blouse and hasn't been in her brother's apartment in months!

He began to negotiate "agreements" for sexual favors. Said he knew I wanted him to go away and all he needed was to sleep with me one more time. I fell for this time and time again and of course he would be the guy I wanted from the beginning. It's as if I could not get away! I began to see a therapist who told me that he was a narcissist and I had to remove myself from this toxic relationship!

I felt as if my spirit was broken. I had lost so many of my friends because they were tired of hearing about this situation. They wanted me out but couldn't handle it. The last draw was today. I had a miscarriage over the weekend and we were suppose to get together for the one last sexual agreement. I told him with everything that had happen, I couldn't see myself sharing myself with anyone, anytime soon.

He then asked for a blowjob and asked if I could give him a three way with his friends (guys and one session with female friends). I told him know and he said he just wants to talk about us. I didn't think anything of it so I headed out to see him. I was ten minutes away when I got the text that he had changed his mind because something came up and he was going to leave his house. What he didn't know was that I had just arrived and was at the light across the street from his apartment. What arrived was another woman.

I texted him to let him know that I saw him and he denied it. They were clear out of sight by the time I went around the block. I had recently gotten him a potential professional gig and told him that I would give the person his information. The gig was over $2,000. I texted him asking him if that was it and he said "yep, see ya".

I know I shouldn't have lost it but I did and I told him that I wasn't going to give him the gig for what I had just seen. I told him I was tired of all his lies and all the abuse he put me through.

He texted me back saying I was "pathetic, petty, stupid and insensitive to what may have come about". He then told me that is why he has had so many doubts about having me in his life and that I just proved to him why he no longer wants anything to do with me. He said goodbye and asked me not to text him.

I completely lost it when I read that and began to defend myself!!!! I APOLOGIZED if I had done wrong to him and justified my feelings. I told him I would disappear (a phrase he would use when he would discard me over and over again..."please disappear already" and then he would come back)and then I wished him goodbye...only to have no reply.

I feel like a fool and I'm so scared. I feel like I did something wrong and now I feel like I have to win him back. I contemplated shutting my phone for a couple of days to regroup. Is this normal to feel this way? How can I even begin to move on. I feel so destroyed. HELP!!!