marriage

marriage
0

if my ex narc was engaged to someone else two weeks after we broke up and married to her two months later.... and now she is pregnant and they already have 3 other kids from previous marriages... how long do you think they will stay married and when do you think they will start fighting? They have been married 5 months and she is supposedly 22 weeks pregnant

Laughs Last's picture

just a hunch

but I'm willing to bet my entire 401k savings that the girl is already miserable. I don't have children so I can only imagine how vulnerable a woman must feel while pregnant - but safe to say that while she is large with his child, he safely feels he "has her" and no longer has to woo her with narc bs and is most-likely already making her crazy with body image digs and d&d. Thank goodness it isn't us in her position. I feel bad for the child too - I read once that the ancient Egyptians regularly gazed upon beautiful imagery while pregnant so that the positive endorphins that induced would help the healthy development of the fetus.

freaked's picture

emptypromises4u2keep, I am

emptypromises4u2keep,

I am the unfortunate idiot who agreed to marry the nh.
believe me i got the worst deal.

ow#1 and #6 ...(ie the Visible ow)...have received fabulous gifts from my nh... the last one now has complete control on his bank accounts and all his future earning...she is his defacto manager now.

a wife is the LOSER....either which way.

and me...I was the LOSER in my marriage...and I became the LOSER in my brief association with hss too.

So, I have no idea how it feels to be the Apple of a Man's Eye.

I am the trampled soul...and from this NADIR point.... i have to heal myself. No idea where and how to begin this healing.

Today onwards i have decided to say FU to nh as well as non existent hss. In my mind of course...saying anything to a narc will only backfire

freaked's picture

i seem to be asking these

i seem to be asking these very questions in my head over and over again....feeling miserable...finding no sane reason or answer.

Just that the roles are reversed in case.

It is NH who married me 20 yrs ago and went on fooling around with so many women....i was able to break up only his first extramarital woman...and then..i wonder was i really successful???? cos 6 years after i made a public outcry, and imagined i split them up....nh sold our apartment and moved us to rented premises which overlooks the woman's house.

and when I wept and cried about this point, all he did was hook up with this floozie he is with and (i suspect) he deliberately left his comp accessible to me in 2010 so that i see details about the floozie-gf and make a bigger idiot of myself in public.

Question that is cracking my head is..... if nh is a true narc, then HOW is he 'in love' with the floozie gf even after she has denounced him and taken control of his bank accounts....today he has gone out of town to be with her until all of tmrw. she is presently located in a different town.

How is it NH has never ever hurt the feelings of this floozie?

Friends, this woman is an actual call-girl, she used to earlier earn her living that way....but had a 'front' of being employed in a company. I got some dope on her once i found out her name and address. So, i call her floozie. Not out of contempt or anything.

Ok...coming back to the NH. I cannot understand how come he has fallen sooooooooo deeply in love with her? It must be 'love' ....romantic, sexual, spiritual, emotional LOVE that he has for her....cos he appears as excited as a schoolboy when he is going to meet her.

The floozie is fat, short, stout, middleaged, and ordinary....and yet...nh is SOLD on only her. I don't see him cheating on her...My bird's eye view shows me gps data on nh.

i know at this point i better give up my analysing cos my time is getting wasted on another one of those Unexplained Mysteries of the Universe.

Maybe good women like us eventually lose the narc man????

Maybe only floozies have a special glue to bind the narc 2 them?

it is DK (Don't Know) for me right now

look forward hopefully to a time when it will become DK-DC (Don't Know - Don't Care)

ruby01's picture

empty promises

My first reaction to this question was, "Who cares?"

and then I thought, emptypromises, does otherwise she wouldn't be asking.

Sooo, it is my understanding that there are several reasons these guys/girls marry.

Money
Prestige
To appear "normal"

Notice love was not on the list. They are completely incapable of loving another human being.

This man did not marry because he was in love with this woman, so get that out of your head. He married her to suck her dry of money, self confidence, physical health, or all of the above.

Unlike her you are now in a position to run like hell and never look back. I can not stress the importance of mustering up all the self control you have at this moment and move to higher ground.

He is not your problem any more, and that is truly something to celebrate.

In his absence, you will now have the time to sit back and truly see him for what he is and your head will begin to clear itself of the mass confusion.

Read about manipulation, co dependency, narcissists, and keep posting on this board.

The saying, no question is a stupid question, is quite true.

xoxo,
Ruby

agnesmurphy17's picture

all about him?

Why are you asking these questions? Why is it all about him still? Nobody can predict the future.

If she is submissive and compliant, as well as, remaining useful to him, their marriage may last until death does them part.

If she gets fed up & smartens up, it will end sooner. If she is not as useful as he thought, if she does not have as much money as he thought, if he extracts all there is to extract, if he meets another seemingly more useful victim, then it will end sooner.

FYI -- he has already started to abuse her. She is accepting the abuse because she may not recognize the abuse because she was raised in such an environment. Or she is still stunned that Mr. Hyde has appeared & believes that Dr. Jekyll will return once everything settles down into a routine after x occurs.

freaked's picture

agnesmurphy, you just

agnesmurphy, you just described the story of my marriage with nh.

to the T

Discovered that he was Hyde within 24 hours into the marriage.
Was prevented from walking out....flowers...fine dinings to say 'sorry'....and i got taken in.

very quickly i was made to lose my job.

immediatly after, made pregnant and lost the first baby due to severe ABUSE from his parents.

2nd pregnancy followed in less than a yr and after very very complicated pregnancy involving me having to be in bedrest for 8 months under the supervision of his ghoulish parents.... my child is born.

I am never permitted to love my child.

my child is thrashed and beaten black and blue ever since his 4th yr.

By the time my child is 7, i am getting wise to the goings on... and discover the first visible OW.... I want to LEAVE...but am prevented from doing so....by a nefarious method. VERY suspiciously my child becomes seriously ill...I become terrfied... NH being a doctor, must have done something...but i had not suspected it at that time.

ok...story is painfully long...

all i want to convey is....the 'wife' is the most severely abused Victim.

She has no escape, no future, no hope, no safety, no security.... NOTHING.

the wife of a narc is a marrionette who is played by strings.

Maybe I should stop mourning hss (covert narc). I ought to stop envying that woman who is his wife...i must be thankful that hss dumped me even b4 he met me in person now ....

btw, i had shared my blog url with hss.... and he may have thought that i know too much...and may not go along with his wild promises (yea...I asked Questions...and he dumped me)...

in fact he went on to address my nh as 'Hyde'...
little did i suspect that hss(CN) was a bigger hyde.

onwithmylife's picture

My thoughts, empty promises

who cares in the end, as was said before me, it is not a compliment, he just found an easier and more wiling victim perhaps, i feel very sorry for her, my exnarc'sfirst wife had kids with him and when she left once and for all, he tried to turn the kids against her, it worked for some time, now he is the one all alone and older...........now that your exnarc has her pregnant and REALLY under his control, at least for now.........it will be a nightmare for her, do not envy her at all..........

midnight7's picture

Dear emptypromises4u2keep,

Dear emptypromises4u2keep, marriage to a N is not a complement nor does it mean they feel more for a person they marry than one they didn't marry. Ns cannot care for or love anyone. Marriage does however provide the perfect persona for a N - look I'm an upstanding citizen/family man/loyal spouse and father. Marriage allows them to appear 'normal', have the Madonna-type supply at home whilst they pursue primary supply/OW mistress/es secondary supply as/when they like and get away with all. The xN had at least 4 affairs whilst married (all unprotected sex) and numerous flirtations whilst appearing to be a solid worker/provider/family man - I feel nauseated thinking about it. Who would want to be the wife? She must be in hell already or on the express train there right now.

emptypromises4u2keep's picture

i don't envy her. I just

i don't envy her. I just can't comprehend such impulsion.... and to bring a another kid into it is utterly selfish. If she has to take xanax and antidepressants to function and throws things when she is mad.... i doubt she will be able to handle the stress of him and 4 kids for very long... last time she was married it was for 4 years... but her ex used to hit her and I think my ex saw that as a vulnerability so he went in for the kill.

Healingslowly_but getting there's picture

It's not your concern

You just need to look after yourself and heal. Try not to concern yourself with their life. It will drive you crazy. Go completely NC - this includes not trying to find out what is going on in their life, no talking about them to anyone, have nothing to do with them at all.
The only way you will get through to try and remove him from your life. This will get easier - I'm NC since the beginning of December last year and I feel so much better. Block them from everything.

You can do this - you will feel better xxxx

emptypromises4u2keep's picture

yeah but guys...... how did

yeah but guys...... how did he go from being engaged to me, to being engaged to her two weeks later and married 8 weeks later? I DON'T GET IT. That is so weird. How do you know someone well enough in 8 weeks enough to marry them? And while he is a narcissist.... why would she basically marry a stranger?

midnight7's picture

Perhaps she has been in the

Perhaps she has been in the picture for some time without your knowledge? The exN I was involved with recycled supply anything up to 10 years after he'd D&D them, he also had an ongoing 'friendship' with one of his exGfs for 4 years after meeting me telling me he never saw her any more as she was crazy and unstable and he was glad to be out of it. Who knows what goes on in a psycho's mind but one of the possible explanations was she has been an OW for some time?

emptypromises4u2keep's picture

no... i don't think so.... he

no... i don't think so.... he is impulsive enenough that he would marry her after 8 weeks of knowing her. But still...... 8 weeks? You don't know shit about someone in 8 weeks. It would feel so creepy to be having a strangers baby