Bella10's Story

Is he or isn't he? Please help me gain clarity and sanity.

Over the past few years I have suspected that my husband had some mental disorder. I was thinking along the lines of bi-polar. He has highs and lows, flippant with money, on line relationships(only one I found out about)into on-line pornorgraphy and has an alcohol addiction.(however this seems to be under control at the moment.

A friend alerted me to the insight program on SBS earlier this year and a lot of the characteristics he was displaying seemed to lean towards that of NPD.
He does like to be the centre of attention, loves to flirt, thinks credit is his own money to use as he wishes, dodges calls from banks and tax office and does not like to be called on anything.

A few months ago he told me he was in love with someone else. He guarantees me that nothing physical happened but in no time a full blown relationship has developed where he so easily left a caring and supportive wife of 19 years and 3 children. He even talked of marriage with this OW after 3 weeks of being with her. The way he talked about this OW in front of me was really strange and insensitive.
What I am struggling with at the moment is that I have read a lot about affairs and how they happen. But are all people who are involved in extra-marital affairs narcissists?
At the moment my husband is struggling big time with the situation he is in. He feels he wants to come back to me and the children and he seems so genuine when he is talking to me. His tears and words seem so genuine, however he has not broken it off with the OW and this is what confuses me. Yes it would be hard to break it off as he says he still loves her but if he were truly serious about me wouldn't he break it off with her sooner rather than later. It really feels like he is leading a double life but the OW does not seem to know he is saying all of these things to me.
Is it a case of him realising what he has given up or does he want his cake and eat it too. Are we both NS for him? Feeding his ego... or is this is what hoovering is?

I think he has his head in the sand with our financial situation at the moment and I am certain that in the next few weeks the bank will be knocking on our door. Again he so easily convinces me that everything will be ok.

I am so confused. After reading a lot of other stories about how many of the narcissists are abusive my husband can be kind, he gives me gifts(sometimes I think they're to ease his guilt) he does help around the house a bit, but he has shut us out and has been unavailable for at least the past 18 months. He only has talked about his own interests and monopolised the conversation focussing on himself building himself up. We all got very bored of this one sided conversation.

I would love to give him another chance as we all make mistakes in life but I am worried I am giving a narcissist a second chance and this could be my only chance to break free. Please help and tell me what you think.