I'm new here but I just need to vent... I can not believe one person can consume your life and mind so much that you are led to believe that you can not live without them and that the reason because of this is that you are so madly in love with them and it's a different relationship because when you are under their spell you can't tell the different between right and wrong.
It all starts end of last year, went on a date with this guy: he had told me he doesn't drink so it was interesting to see that he was drunk when we first met... I didn't really like him he was a bit full on (mentioned his sister who took her life on the first date - pretty heavy?)
I am foolish. I just wanted some sex really (it had been a while - I've never done anything like that before), and he had txt me saying Merry Christmas and I replied instigating we should do it. It begun like that, and it was great and it continued... he was going through a rough time at home, his mother and step dad were fighting/breaking up (he is 29 may I add) sounded like he needed to get out of the house because his Mother couldn't handle her and his Nana being at home...
I let him stay with me for a few nights he was staying at "friends" places apparently.
One evening when he was suppose to stay - he didn't turn up. I had to ring him for ages and he was out getting really drunk. Saying how he's got a shit life, he's not there for his daughter, how it really hurts him that he's not.
Things with us were great, we were comfortable around each other almost immediately which I thought was a sign of you know "real attraction". He was an alcoholic, led me to believe for ages he wasn't drinking. I went home for a few weeks and when I got back he was going to organise an evening for us together,
1. he was late
2. he didn't organise anything
3. he made up an excuse that all these bills came out the night before that he didn't realise.... and he was "trying" to sort something out.
I always had a hunch that he was full of shit, but because I was the only one who was there for him in the end I felt too bad to leave and then he just pulled me right in...
Right down to his level.
He drunk all the time - lied to everyone, pretended to be someone who he wasn't.
Wouldn't turn up to meet me because he was getting drunk, once I bumped into him on the street when he was suppose to be meeting me (he had said that he was going to see his sponsor and go to an AA meeting) would always talk me through things and say it was always in my head.
Once he rung me at 7am wasted and said he was stabbed the night before, he obtained credit cards and got a hotel out once and got me to come out and meet him and we were woken up to the police, he didn't appear at court - lied right through that (the police had called me to see where he was, I lied..) that's not me. I wasn't ok.
Once I ask him about things eg. you didn't up to court, he would get shitty at first and then would send a huge txt saying i've got no one else to blame but me, I was there until midday because I couldn't be bothered waiting around... (didn't believe a word) but I was still there for him. I let him get away with everything because he was in my head and he made me believe I needed him - I was obsessed. I always knew he was lying etc. but I just got used to it? and thought no he's a great guy..
He rung middle of the night once saying he's going to get a truck and get away from here. (of course cos he had me already I went to meet him and look after him - which for him would have been like great, I have her under my spell)
Once I brought up how some things didn't match and he went psycho and said that I was just digging for things to confront him with...
He lied about rehab, I got in touch with his counsellor because I wasn't coping at all.. I went to a few Al Anon meetings but.. they don't seem to be for me because he is beyond an alcoholic. He's out of rehab now and doing well, from what I know.... he goes to meetings regularly etc.
Recently... just for closure because nothing ever made sense (the amount of times that I slyly asked him something and then he'd give me a different answer? or he would try to avoid or say you've already asked me that why do you always ask the same things?)
During his time in rehab - he started opening up to (or was it, had enough time to conjure up more storied that I would believe because I was under his spell)
Al anon believe that the alcoholics partner has problems too and that the way I acted in some ways is because of me and I have defects of character.
He brought it all out in me because he manipulated be on a daily basis...
He would say look we are both still here right? shows we care.. usually i push everyone away when things are bad... (or is it that they don't talk to you anymore because they see right through you?)
I was becoming very irrational, irritable and obsessed with him.
We were going for space to both get better to be with one another, found out he was on dating sites - he had paid.. it really hurt.
Broke up with him a few days later, he text me after saying all this crap. Felt bad/ he was saying please be my sex friend (the sex with him was great - another thing, he said his count was 80 one day and then the next said oh its probably 180? its heaps anyway - definitely over compensating for something there)
Started casually seeing him , things were the best they had ever been.
Said he wanted me and other shit, he was still on the dating sites so I told him I know he still is using them and that I am not coming over later. He got annoyed and said fuck you, go fuck with someone elses emotions all this other shit like your the one that doesn't want to be together, you want other guys. (He's on a dating site! he wrote to them - looking for a friend, possibly more...)
He got angry and said I was waiting for you to say that you wanted to give us a proper shot and I would have given you all the passwords and you could have seen everything - yeah right. If you want to be with someone - you shouldn't be going on those sites anymore?
He did put up with a lot of shit from me but nothing compared to what he put me through, but in saying that- he was always saying it's my fault too. He says I push and pull him away - reactions to how he is to me but he does it also. He says one thing and then the next minute it's applicable anymore?
Everyone in his life up to date, sounds awful. That's probably not the case: he is the crazy one.
This is just a brief summary, we were fighting weekly/daily in the end.
For closure, I went to the library and looked up his birth registry.. he had told me that he was twin, they got split at some point in their childhood, went to the same high school, she took her life at 17, the parents didn't go to the funeral.... HE was the only one in the registry for that year to his mothers name.... HE LIED about having a twin sister, the thing that made me feel sorry for him and kept holding on because he did have a really hard life. You know? feel sorry for me.. goodness. I am stupid. I always questioned her existence because of everything he put me through.. but I never thought anyone was so low enough to create this grandiose story that people would believe and never question.
I remember saying oh i'd like to see a photo of her someday and he said you probably never will.. (and I did think - yeah because she doesnt exist but my brainwashed head overruled with yeah true, it's a very touchy subject)
I guess I just needed to mind dump somewhere...
He took over my life for awhile. I am slowly on the rebuild but I guess I've come here because you guys get it and I need to surround myself around the right people at the moment - none of my friends understand. They just don't get it....
Any comments or anything would be great, I wouldn't be surprised if no one read it it is quite a novel but thank you for allowing me to express myself in the right environment..