Do N's Always Come on Very Strong in the Beginning?

Indeed. The N & I hadn't seen each other in 3 years at the time. With his 1st deployment 2 mos away, the N came on like 'gang busters' (excessive force). He had to work quickly - he was only in our hometown 2 more days before his vacation was up & he'd have to return to his post back east. Supply was needed. We watched an eclipse & he spoke of how the timing of this encounter was predestined. He returned to his post & asked if I would fly out to see him. I went. Amazing sex every day. When I returned back home, he arranged for me to meet his family...without him. I agreed. They were nice, but his mom talked WAY too much. Telling details of the N's past relationships. Red flags were @ half mast (signaling distress). That whirlwind began 3 yrs ago. In that time, the N & I have married, had a baby, relocated 2x & I've left him 3x (flying 3K-6K miles back home each time). Dating him during the deployment was easy (compared to married life living with him). We've been apart more than we've been together. He just began his 2nd deployment - this time without me. I imagine the 4 friends (exes) he has on his new 'mystery alias' Facebook page should be sufficient supply to get him through. I can offer him nothing but my continued silence.

i too dont want to remember the first days because it was bliss. the attention, the affection, the words he used to say.. he told me very fast he loved me and always had from before. too good to be true

Yes, emailed me the next date after I said I'd meet him and said he loved me. Such BS and I fell for the 20 emails a day of his profound love, how he loved not just my looks but also my personality. One date!! why didn't I think like all the sensible women, he's f..cking odd, run.

I have been avoiding answering this question because I didnt want to remember what it was like in the beginning. He was so nice and charming, called so many times a day, told me we were soulmates in the second day, called me baby first day, text "good morning baby" starting second day, would HAVE to pick me up for dates, wined and dined me, etc. Needless to say he was prince charming, until much later.

Yes-my XN came on to me very strong. They have to brainwash so they can d/d in the end. It almost feels as if he drugged me w/ his sweet seduction, great sex, with a lot of fun positive attitude. That changed drastically as soon as he knew I was hooked!

Mine did. We met on an airplane, I was living in NY him in CA. I gave him my email address. I saved his first letter, telling me how he had been struck to the core and that that did not happen often to him (hahahahha). From that point on he would text and email about 5-6 times a day and we would talk every night for hours. Within about a month he asked if I loved him (I had not seen him since the flight!) But I was so hooked. I visited him twice and moved to CA (luckily I am from the bay area so it was coming home too) because he said, "Come on out here and let me put a baby in you and we will be a family". He has a son that stays with him every weekend. SO, luckily no baby ever happened but 4 years of hell and what the hell did. Peace. J

All of mine did. Extremely intense. Personally, I don't like constant texting and phone calls and they didn't do that. They just made a big effort to see me as often as possible and make every date fantastic. Then the sex was really intense - - it became extremely passionate very quickly.

My ex-P came onto me VERY STRONG. He acted as if he knew my motivations, my thoughts, my feelings. He'd always wonder aloud why I was nervous around him... turns out I had my reasons. He'd call my laughter and smiling "defense mechanisms" and claim that I really wasn't happy. Over the phone, he wouldn't allow me to say "have a good day" or "have a good evening"--I'd have to say "bye" or "goodbye" WITHOUT EMOTION. He'd tell me very personal things from the get-go... and one of them, I think, had credibility. He said his lack of emotions terrified his parents, and that they'd take him to the local mental hospital as a child. He told me not to tell anyone;there was real shame and vulnerability there. He'd always say "tell me more about yourself." I'd press him for reciprocation, to know more about him... and he'd clam up. He wanted to be an enigma. When I told him during the D&D that I had found out that his father was a professor, he freaked out... perhaps he was afraid that I had told his father about his behavior (I never did) After getting all personal with me, talking about his feelings, his thoughts, his imaginary European vacations--he told me "Think of me ONLY as a teacher" after I had told him that his parents cared about him, his sister cared about him, that I cared about him. He took offense that I'd see him as a human first, and his humanity preceded him being a teacher.

This was my experience as well. My ExN pursued me for about 5 months and he would NOT give up. Finally, I fell in love with him... Same thing with his next victim... he moved in with her right away and they were engaged after only 5 months. When I think about him, he never really described his past relationships as "being in love". He told me after we broke up that he realized at some point that he was never in love with me, he was just infatuated with me. I think his relationships, which I'm sure is true of other Ns, are more about obsessions and infatuations (idealization) and then once they get bored the hell begins...

When I met Mr. N, he was extraordinarily charming, extremely flattering and called/texted me several times. To say I was swept off my feet was an understatement. He was so fixated on me it was such a rush. But that did not last very long at all. Within a month, his true colors started showing.

I've been involved 3 Ns throughout my life and all 3 came across very strong (N magnet). This approach is in line with their agenda because they need to work fast to WOW us (hook) and to make sure we do not notice all the "red flags." We'll see what other's experiences have been with their XNs.