mjsimp's story

Hi everyone, I haven't visited this in a while. I had gotten out of my abusive relationship for 6 months. My ex boyfriend left the relationship and I thought we both had peace about it. Around Thanksgiving he called me and we talked and he seemed really sincere about making changes. He sounded different and more mature in his thinking. I believe in GOD and he is a Catholic. He told me that he needed my forgiveness and that he made a lot of mistake in our previous relationship. I asked his forgiveness for my negative words and behavior as well. We talked about GOD and how he should be the center of our relationship.

It went well for a while, then in the last 2 months he started lying to me again, he knows that I don't allow drugs around my home and will not be with someone who does any kind of drugs. Yet he brought "pot" into my home about 5 weeks ago. He tried to hide it, thought he had covered his tracks, but I smelt it on him and confronted him on it. Of course he denied it. When he left and I was cleaning my bathroom I found pot seed's on the floor and on the counter top. I emailed him and told him that it was a major "DEAL BREAKER" I saved the seeds I found and told him so. He said that the "pot" may have been on him but he didn't smoke it.

I then started to check things out that he had told me and then caught him in several lies.I haven't seen him since the week before Easter. He lives 3 hours away and can't get here unless I go and get him. We have been fighting on the phone and he cut me off from calling his mom's house whom he lives with, saying that she didn't want him using the phone. He is calling me "police" woman and is very angry that I have stood up to him.

I'm seeing a therapist who works with victims of abuse, she is very good. At our session last week I finally confessed to her how I was scared. I couldn't admit that to myself until now because I refused to be a victim. What has prompted me to admit my fear is that I have come to the place where I no longer want to be in this relationship. He doesn't call me names like "Bitch" he still compliments me, tells me what a wonder woman I am, that I've done so much for him,ect....

What he has been doing the last week is telling how I'm giving him the third degree and trying to control and manipulate him, that I'm upset with him because I'm not in control of the situation and not getting my way. I know that he is using the phone issue to have control and is using his mom as an excuse. She to is tired of him and apparently had 1 of her son-in law's talk with him about not having a job and not helping out at his mom's house. She has been listening to his phone calls and is holding him accountable. So he is getting confronted all around.

I told him on Friday 4/16/2010 that I was done "period" I caught him off guard. I asked him to please respect my wishes and not call me anymore. Of course he has not complied. I didn't answer the phone the rest of the day. On Saturday I answered only to enforce my intent to end things with him. He was accusing me of trying to control and manipulate him, that I was trying to bring him up to my "standards". He didn't call again until early this morning, where he left a message saying how he loved me and missed me very much. I know that there are a lot of good women out there who would be interested in my ex. I;m not being arrogant here, it's just that I know for a fact that he will not find another who makes the kind of money I do and give the security he desires.

He is around fifty years old, doesen't have a job, still lives with his mother. My point is, is that he has made me the source of his future. I see clearly how he manipulates the people around him to make the path to my door to live. He is acting like we are still in a relationship and I am still vulnerable to him. I hate the fact that nothing can really change unless he chooses. What worries me is that he will act as though he has changed to make sure he gets a secure place in my life. The bible teaches that you are to forgive people who have hurt you and that we are to help people and hang in there so to speak. I take GOD very serious even though I don't belong to any church. It's hard for me to walk away because I do still love my ex. I want to believe that GOD can change him. I realize that he needs to want to change.

I plan on talking to a lawyer about a no contact order because my ex has a lot to lose here and I already know hw will not just go and find someone else. Anyway that is where I'm at right now and as hard as it is I really want out of this relationship and need support from others who know what I'm going through. I'm tired of being isolated and alone. I can't really talk to my friends about this because I have been so ashamed that I allowed him back into my life. They don't know that I did this and frankly I don't want to lose their respect of me. I feel really weak and stupid for allowing someone who has nothing to offer me me but misery back into my life. I make good decisions and choices in my career, I just don't understand why I seem to make unhealthy ones in my private life. I guess that's about it.

Thanks