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not sure how i feel about this

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#1 Mar 16 - 5PM
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

not sure how i feel about this

So I'm doing the NC thing and he just doesn't seem to notice. I know I should be happy but I feel so strange he really didn't think of me well ever. He really didn't care when I finally walked away. I'm just omg did this all really just happen? My self esteem was bad enough now I really feel like I'm nothing. And he has me at the point that yes he sucks and he's horrible but at least I know what I'm getting with him and won't have to go thru new pain with a new person so why bother leaving?

Mar 17 - 8AM
foolmeonce
foolmeonce's picture

You said he doesn't seem to

You said he doesn't seem to notice and that is the hardest thing to accept - that he really doesn't. My narc told me he always believed people were lucky to have him in their life - he never felt lucky to have those people. They don't appreciate you. They take what they can get then throw you aside. Why do you believe that he deserves more than you? You wonder why you should leave - you leave because you deserve more. You deserve someone who really does care about you - not just what they can get from you. My narc said the only thing different about me was the way I loved him - he never saw me for who I was - he did not see all my incredible attributes, only the look on my face when I was adoring him. That's why you are replaceable. He does not miss the unique person you are - just what you provide. You weren't put on this earth to worship someone - you deserve the best. You also have to realize there are good people out there and when you get healthy and continue NC you will realize how dysfunctional that relationship was and how you deserve so much more.
Mar 17 - 4AM
rache
rache's picture

bitter destiny

you are so young ,and,pretty-you have your whole life ahead of you-do not let one PRICK on the rose bush destroy you! YOU deserve better.
Mar 16 - 9PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

bitterdestiny....please open your eyes

Why bother leaving you ask yourself...I tell you it is going to get worst,he wats you to leave and if you stay you will only give him a confirmation to abuse you more,just stay NC i know is a very difficult thing to keep but is not for him,is for us ...i noticed when time goes by with NC you start to look at the situation with more clarity,believe me.Hughs

Aceonelady

Mar 16 - 5PM
seancunningham
seancunningham's picture

5 Weeks Today & Counting!! YAY!!

I am N free!! Haven't heard from the zero. I don't care or want to know what he thinks. N's teach us to be happy with whatever they dish out to us. Whether it's good treatment or bad. Mine was SO cunning, he spoon fed me the rules...literally. One day nice, next day rotten, day after that NO SHOW. Brain washing pure and simple. The SOB. We WILL all do better. They hope we go back crawling to them, if we do, they give us the abuse in double doses....because you abandoned them. Don't do it!! The last thing the zero said..."You'll NEVER do better than me" Oh I will. Just watch me.
Mar 16 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
rache
rache's picture

Sean

We couldn't do no WORSE.
Mar 16 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
moving on
moving on's picture

Congrats

on 5 weeks of NC! That is commendable and I admire you. I am now at a couple of days over 2 weeks and still going strong. Like you said, they abuse you more if you go back as retaliation for abandoning them (even though they might already have another supply). The best thing to do is just move on and get to know what you really want.
Mar 16 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

..."You'll NEVER do better

..."You'll NEVER do better than me" Sean, that's pretty much what my exN meant also when he said to me: "We'll see who succeeds in business." Even though I clearly stated my support of him, wanting him to succeed. It just doesn't matter though what we do for them. It's never enough and it never counts. My last contact with him was a month ago, yay!
Mar 16 - 5PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

NC is about you!

"So I'm doing the NC thing and he just doesn't seem to notice." NC is about you! Not about him & what he notices or does not notice. Who cares? He's a jerk. NC is a state of mind. NC where he notices you block him, etc--that's communication & it is still all about him (in your mind). "And he has me at the point that yes he sucks and he's horrible but at least I know what I'm getting with him and won't have to go thru new pain with a new person so why bother leaving?" Wow! This is DEPRESSION talking! What about you deserve to have a man who thinks the world of you! Who thinks: "Gee. She's neat & I am a lucky guy to have her! What can I do to please her?" There are kind & good men. You do not have to settle for the constant pain of the jerk. I think it is far better to be alone than to deal with the daily pain of living with my soon-to-be ex-husband, narcissist. I am so free & so calm. The quality of my life improved 110%. And the time I spent with him was a total waste of my time & energy. And, it got me in the red financially & emotionally.
Mar 16 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
Heart
Heart's picture

Agnesmurphy17, I wish I was

Agnesmurphy17, I wish I was in the same mind as you are. I am very recently divorced from my wealthy NH after 10 years; he wanted the divorce. I am no longer on a daily emotional rollercoaster, but I am not enjoying the calm. I am still wanting to be married, craziness and all. It's mostly about the financial situation I am left with. Now I understand why he had me sign a pre-nup!This is the worst I have ever felt. And this was my second marriage to an N. I could use some kind words.
Mar 16 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
Heart
Heart's picture

Agnesmurphy17,I wish I was

Agnesmurphy17, I wish I was in the same mind as you are. I am very recently divorced from my wealthy NH after 10 years; he wanted the divorce. I am no longer on a daily emotional rollercoaster, but I am not enjoying the calm. I am still wanting to be married, craziness and all. It's mostly about the financial situation I am left with. Now I understand why he had me sign a pre-nup!This is the worst I have ever felt. And this was my second marriage to an N. I could use some kind words.
Mar 16 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

bitterdestiny

nothing bothers him because he's NOT HUMAN!! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/27/nothing-bothers-narcissist-i-wish-i-were-more-them don't let some sick predator define you or your self-esteem... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 16 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

I don't really care I think

I don't really care I think its the shock factor. And right now and I know its part of me having ptsd but I'm think wait did this all happen? Was it all just a figment of my imagination? How in the hell did it get to this? Yeah I'm just dumbfounded and yes very depressed. And my mind is having an issue with wait something is missing where is this person who was such a huge part of my life he just gone like it was a dream. The last I said to him was I have proof there's another girl and I told you I wouldn't go thru another one. Guess he finally took me at my word.
Mar 16 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

bitterdestiny

the bottom line unfortunately is HE COULD CARE LESS and he will ALWAYS CARE LESS - no matter if its you or someone else... they see everyone else AS A MERE OBJECT. PERIOD. but you can move on in 18 months to someone healthy and worthy of you ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 16 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
NMN
NMN's picture

The 18 months of NO NC, I am

The 18 months of NO NC, I am at 14 months with some NC, do I have to wait more months?
Mar 16 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

not NC!!

'SOME' NC is NOT NO CONTACT!!! it's still in the game. period. Don't kid yourself.!!! NO CONTACT IS AN ABSOLUTE... you haven't even STARTED Day One of Healing... get away and STAY AWAY ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 16 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

im confused

Barbara maybe you can explain this one. I've read a lot on here and most seem to talk about how horrible their N was in bed. But mine was amazing shit that's part of what kept me around. Also that's when the lies were well the most outrageous I love you I wanna marry you I want you to have my baby. Which the last one the last time I heard that was when I said you just want me pregnant so you have me on lock down. I guess that's part of my confusion mine always told me how much he missed and loved me when he was good he was great but heaven forbid I did something he viewed wrong. So did I just find the rare one or what?
Mar 16 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

great sex

some are hypersexual in bed... believe me if you'd been with him for a number years... that would have gone RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!!!!! they treat women like whores and use the sex to activate your Oxytocin and keep you brainwashed and hypnotized into the relationship. just shows what he finds important... and sex was it... how sad... more to a relationship than that but then again Ns can't HAVE relationships ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 17 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

After 3 years he's still

After 3 years he's still amazing. But I think he knew with me he had to keep the game up, he knew that he was top in my life but after I realized he was never going to be with me I started pulling away and would see other people I've also told him that's the only reason I stayed. Now the one thing I do notice now is once he's done he's done his attitude does a 180 the last time I saw him he was as nice as could be we had just had another fight this time for me finding out he contacted an old supply that I had told him was off limits. Well anyways he was as nice as he could be we had sex then he asked if he could still have the money he needed and when I said no he was a different person I ended up leaving in tears. I don't the whole thing is insane also he's very possessive of me the others I've talked to he's not as bad but heaven forbid I meet someone I might like for something outside of bed (yes I'm the strange female who doesn't mix sex with emotion) but once he catches wind of that all hell breaks loose. He's just a mess!!!! And rache thank you but he's far from the first just hopefully the last!
Mar 17 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

asked for money after sex?

he treated you like he was your whore and then asked for money? DIRTBAG... a dick with an empty wallet... NO THANKS!! Maintain NC!!! and discuss this with your therapist ASAP ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 17 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
bitterdestiny
bitterdestiny's picture

Yeah he's special alright

Yeah he's special alright lol that was my running joke was how much are his services gonna cost me today lol maybe that's why he didn't leave for so long. Most things I would bend over backwards for but some I refused to budge on. And my therapist knows I'm making my mind map of the women now.