I need help: I do matter, my real existence matters
I need help: I do matter, my real existence matters
I think I am in a phase of recovery accepting there are disordered personalities in the world and in varying degrees dysfunctional persons in lessesr degrees.
Last year I had close contact with an adult dughter which sadly I have come to accept, grieve she has the PD or at the least is severely damaged, deelusional from long term brainwashing including what her possibly P father conned her of. I hoped for the best, kept my expectations open to possible rebuild a relationship with her and reality was repeat N abuse, chaos, crazymaking, N rages..unmistakeable behaviors.
It seems a truth has haunted me from my gut "it does not atter who I am, what I do, I say, or don't...around these people...and the scary reality choosing to do what rational, logical presons live believing and have reasonable expectations has had shocking and horrific results in my lie amongs dysfunctional unhealthy to PD. EX:; work hard, save, manage your money, increase income..have no debts but a mortgage, pay cash for even big ticket itesms..cars, college.... Truth and reality amongst pathalogical persons will incite them to distort you are "buried in debts and penniless".
I came to realize or accsept factual truth and easily demonstr is pf no concern nor interest to susch people..and they have sick needs to invalidate fact, dismiss to reject even my willingness to substntiate I am truthful..shifting to yelling assignations "YOU ARE WRONG!"
I believe I have been psycholgically overwhelmed due to FOO and imme pathlagoical personalites. I have not been able to assimilate there are people who don't care..about truth..to be truthful, authentic, honest...and who will say anything and make anything up to maintain they are superior to deny, lie their personal reality..even their persoanl fiances..focusing on a target to maintain a crazy game of "I'm not....it's not me...it's YOU/some target!
I've come to accsept what so many people disbelive..if one has not been exposed to such personalities..and that nothing I or others do or is real or true..they'll distort it, negate and counter with extreme opposistes.
I am hoping some others here have already passed through this stage as one comes to realize you aare not...the crazy person...and you know truth from distortions and you know you csan be who you are, flaws, warts and all and you don't live saying negtive distorted garbage about other people or projections..!
I am facing how severely sick, abusive, cruel and afflicted our other was...she died declaring shse was "smart"..but she scould not be who she was without telling us, humiliating us, we are "stupid"...and I am distraught..facing relity or maybe accsepting the severity of abuse I grew up in, married into later esclting and other abusers telling em this is "normal" what "good people do".
I did not do it..so they'd have me believe I am "all wrong" and "crazy". I excelled in college, with a traveling spouse, working part tie, four children under the age of nine.....and I have not ever lived declaring self something not true..distorting and screaming..or like the pyscho I lived with smiling in a soft while telling you..yo are stupid.
I am at the precipace..of aceptane, detatchment to free yself of people like this..and restore myself to former wholeness (ppre ptsd) from the more I did rel, accoplishments, achievements, or generosity...a nightmereish hell...annihalating me..destroying me, and things I earned to deserve including my conscience, character and reputation.
These people have perverted reactions..andI don't want to hear it or be around it..nothing I was, did...nothing made a difference...worse..crazily wht people do to make posistive difference..attentive, loving, giving, cheerful..I got told esclating debasing humiating degradation.
peacewarrier
peacewarrior
Never in my wildest imagination....
Thank you ladies for your