aceonelady's story

Your story is absolutely heartbreaking. I want you to really remember that you are not alone. Unfortunately, all of us here have experienced this type of emotional abuse and lived to tell about it. So what needs to happen for you is to stay no contact, continue therapy, and read all you can to educate yourself on these type personality disorders that exist, so you can warn others and spare them this type of horror and pain. God bless you and never stop educating yourself and learning. May you find peace.

Well so he devalued me in 10 hours,i was thinking about leaving but i got the flu so i stayed for 7 days and told him i was leaving he said see you dont get what you want so you are kicking and screaming you can stay will be nice we can do nice stuff as friends ...yes right... He would go to work, barely looking at me in the morning come back i cooked already we would talk about what i did and most all about his working day then i would make cofee ant there he went on the internet looking at shakira beyonce etc talking about what a nice ass they had...i was hurting and couldnt understand what was going on. When we went do groceries if somebody would say (even if was a woman)that i look good or had a nice perfum on he would say oh dont tell her that she is on her high horse already...and then when alone wouldnt talk to me anymore would call me unatractive and that when he did f*****d me he had to think about something else even about having sex with a men! then he would say i am only F*****ing with you ... I was very confused,apathetic until one day after he gamed for 10 hours on thanksgiving and went watch some music video semi pornographic and said what he would like to do with that girl,he is 42 that girl was 18 or whatever i got angry,slammed with the bathroom door and threw a shoe on his dvd pile... Well he left the house telling me if i did that again he would hit me and probably hurt me very bad,he said when i would go back to Europe he would never talk to me ever again because of my bad temper thats why he would nothing to to with me! he didnt speak to me for 24 hours even at the grocery store then at night he said please dont go stay for Christmas...i was broken tired confused sucked dry from my emotions feelings . I woke up asked for his credit card number so i could change my ticket date,he was looking at me like he had seen a ghost and i changed the date for a week later. He was the hole week looking at me like a kid that lost his favorite toy but when his cousin called i heard he had asked about me and i heard him answering genetics were good but a bit too old for me... i am a good looking 53 years old and he 42 but looks older overweight and grey hair but i did thought i had a friend and i was very atracted to him sexually and intellectually i never ever would believe he is like this if people had told me so...i knew he wasnt perfect but he is evil even blaming his own 15 year old daughter for things that happened... he dont visit his kids only to bring money,stays 15 minutes tops every 2 weeks and then go,nhe dont speak to his sisters or father,or with ex girlfriend(i spoke with her) Now he is NC with me but he used to let me see when he is speaking to other woman on Skype on the account that we used exclusevely to talk with each other and me with my sister in Brasil,he sent me an email saying i dont want to have conversations with you believe it or not i care about how you doing... he just sent me an email saying he has been skipping with some people here and there and if i ever would go back to his city to dont come near him otherwise i wouldnt know what hit me.Sex with me was gross he dont like me he dont care if i live or die...i am now self destructive low self esteem confused lonely having therapy for about a year having falash backs nightmares as i write this now i start to cry and the worst is i miss him and i hate myself for that i am on an emotional rollercoaster i want him i hate him iam glad i got away i wish he still loved me.... i feel like road kill he ran over me but last year he turned around and drove once again over me.....when i think about him with somebody else men or women i am devastated.... all those unanswered questions about his sexual preferences his porn addiction ... i get scared sorry about the long post i am here sometime now and only now i did dare to write Thanks