katherine2081's story

Hi I desperately need some kind of support and at an all time low. I was four months post divorce from my partner of 14 years having found he was having an affair, when i met my n. I had two small children but after an amicable divorce was refinding myself going out, going to the gym etc.

I met N in a nightclub we clicked instantly he was at the end of his relationship two kids the ages of mine he and his partner lived seperate lives under the same roof. lol. We gradually spent more time together.

One morning he went back to his old house to work where the ex lived. That evening I had a phone call from the police he had been arrested for assualt on his ex. I bailed him to my address and he came home with me not being allowed at his previous address. He said she had gone for him he had more marks than her so I had to believe him and give him a home. He was polite and pleasant to my kids said did nt want to push the relationship with them too quickly. The assualt case went to trial a week before he told me the reason the ex had gone for him he had slept with her that morning. I was horrified he said he was confused had nt gone through with it, I believed him.

He got convicted as the police lost his photographs. He was not allowed to approach his ex and she would not allow him to see his children. He started exhibiting OCD behavior which got worse and worse. He shouts near my children who are five and three why cant you teach your children to shit straight or tidy up after themselves. He was going out every friday. One sat I returned to a night club unexpectedly and found him kissing another girl he said he was drunk cried his eyes out I forgave him.

Next I got pregnant. This was preceeded with him causing arguments so he could go out on a saturday leaving me home alone pregnant. We had lies where he went to see his ex and would lie where he was. There were texts and phone calls between them which he would sneak out to make telling me it was about the kids even though the calls were fourty minutes. I saw kisses on texts to the ex, e-mails on facebook from girls etc.

Once I took his car out and he took things from the glove compartment before I left. He swore blind it was cards for his kids. I knew it was more so at five months pregnant I snuck to his car in the middle of the night to find a letter to his ex saying he missed her when confronted he said he was just trying to see the kids.

He has said he will leave lots of times as his ex will let him see the kids if I am not with him. When I was pregnant he said he wanted to leave I said what about the baby and I he said you have your friends. I held on hoping the baby would change him despite comments when we argued that he did nt care about it I should abort that piece of sh**t in your stomach etc. M

oney wise he pays me £500 a month even though the bills top £1700 a month he refuses to give me more telling me to go to my ex for more maintenance. He will have nothing to do with my children apart from saying hello we cant go anywhere as a family and he says my three year old is fat and I will give her diabetes. I lost my excellent auditing job a year into the relationship I was five months pregnant and finding it so hard to concentrate because of his behavior. I had no money for two months he said he would lend me some I never took it. I found another job but it was self employed it was hard with all that went on to concentrate on generating business I had to supplement my income with credit cards so now am in debt which he would go mad about but what choice do I have he has forty three thousand pounds in the bank I have nothing.

I had the baby in July the three weeks before hand he was loving kind etc I thought the change had come. I had to have an emergency cesearian two weeks early. Six days after he was born he was acting hostile again telling me its now what I thought it would be this is not what I want. He never went again. I went back to work when the baby was six weeks old as my money situation was dire. The baby is now three months and he has never done a night feed done four normal feeds and changed five nappies if that.

He says I give nothing to work, I can only work two days with family childcare. All he talks about is how he does nothing anymore that gives him a spark going out for a pint with the boys would do that apparently but our local pub is not enough he wants to go night clubbing I wonder why!! I told him he can do it but not whilst he is with me. So he does nt go but fights it all the time.He is the vaniest person i have ever met never asks about anyone but himself.

He started withdrawing his affection before I had the baby. His ex cut all ties with him too. He says he misses his kids but he wont go to court to see them my guess is because he acted the way he does to all of mine including the one thats his. I exploded on the weekend saying he lies and gives me no affection does nt bother with the baby or my kids he said he would be better off going this was nt what he thought it was and he wanted to split everything fifty fifty.I said no we have been together a year i came in with more than him. A day later he is nice as pie doing a bit more with the baby just baths giving me kisses but it feels false.

I now have to seel my house to pay off the credit cards he has always wanted to sell it i think because my equity is tied up in it and he wantes to blur the lines of who owns what etc. He says we can now move to a house that will be ours I am more than skeptical. I so wanted a happy life he seems to jump from relationship to relationship whilst kissing other people in between on his nights out. I dont want that life and whilst he is not doing it at the moment he keeps fighting it plus I have a small baby would you want your three month old baby go unsupervised to a father who has extreme ocd and does nt bother with him?

On the other hand my other children have no life with me its constant stress when they visit. With me he is affectionate when he feels like it says he loves me is my soulmate be lost without me but goes into bad moods about the life he wants. My life is difficult evenings when I have the kids he goes to out local dit shop and i am left to bath all the kids on my own.What am i doing? ?