The benefits of staying away from the Narcissist

Anonymous's picture

Originally posted by: Guest on Oct 23, 2007, 10:12pm

Hi everyone! I hope everyone is doing their best to stay clear of the Narcissists. Since the Narcissist hung up on me three months ago never to be heard from again i am proud to say I have not tried to initiate contact with him. It's hard but there are many benefits to staying away.
*I am seeing things more clearly with him not around.
*I am not giving him the satisfaction of a phonecall.
*I am not rewarding bad behaviour.

Feel free to make your own list. It will be nice to hear how everyone is doing...

Moderator's picture

Originally posted by: Massagelady Candice on Oct 24, 2007, 12:37am

Last night the N who dumped me 2 months ago sent me a romantic e mail which I described on "Are they ever really thru with us" thread yesterday. He emailed me 2 more times saiyng he was going to Memphis to get his stuff,(out of storage). He said the reason he dumped me was because his leg was swelling up, he hated doctors, and he didnt want to stick me with a gimpy husband. He also Tried to blame me and said he was afraid I would hurt him again like the last time we were Together. This N had been hounding me about getting married almost as soon as I met him , within a couple of days, There also ,were things I didnt like about him.I knew he was an N
1. impatience, he wanted commitment now
2.Sarcasm- made fun of my interests , and hobbies
3. didnt have anything good to say about his kids, who are half a gereration younger than myself.
4.said his exwife quit taking antidepressents and it was like living with about 30 people.
However he managed thru email an phoned calls to make me doubt myself and continue the relationship long distance while he went up state to tie up loose ends. He continued to plan our life together . He did nothing but talk on t he phone, no money no him, no nothing, just lies. Soon he vanished and stopped calling , untill the email last night. This morning he called even though I wrote him that he should call after 7, He invited me to Memphis to get his belongins. I dont know where he was planning on taking
t hem , probably my house. When he called tonite I Told him he was lying and I knew he would say what he did about sparing me an older sick husband. I told him stop the heroics, He said he wasnt trying to be a hero.He wouldnt admit he just got tired of me real quick and blew me off.He said it was because he cared so much! I knew it . I said, "If you cared ,you would have hauled your gimpy ass leg down here , got on the couch , and done what couples building a future together would have done . Helped each other and went on , that is what love does. instead you ditched me and didnt even ask if the woman you claim to love needed anything!How did you plan to support a wife?" He said he didnt know I needed anything , that he didnt take my financial complaints seriously.I said he wasnt normal and didnt feel like others or he wouldnt have dissappeared and put me thru heartbreak and turmoil for weeks. "he said the same thing another N said last month when I called about the mirror he stole,"this conversation iS over" , and hung up . Half an hour ago I got an angry email ", he always, only uses capitals. I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN REMEMBER YOU ACTED LIKE AN IDIOT THE FIRST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CHASTISE ANYONE , GO BE A TOUGH GUY WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I SAID I WAS WRONG AND APOLOGISED .AND ONE OF THE REASONS I BACKED OFF IS AFTER THE LAST TIME I DIDNT TRUST YOU. I WANTED TO TRY AGAIN, YOU DIDNT , SO BE IT. GOODBY SEMPER FEDELIS His name. Can you believe it ? He ditched me, calls 2 months later , gets mad at me for not believing his lies, and not being willing to , as he put it" wanting to start up again now! " ::)I am not sure if I will write back as he is baiting me to do , or resist the urge and ignore him This man is nearly 70 years old, retired professional, with mature goodlooks. He writes like a child. I wonder if he had gotten left by the one he left me for! He might have needed a place to live! I cant believe the way I always get a narcissist . Than goodness, the more I learn about Ns , the less attatched I get to them . The less I care when its over. Strange. I didnt think I was capable of intellectualizing away feelings of affection and attraction but I am starting to do just that without trying . A year ago I would have been heartsick and doubting myself untill I caved in and took the blame . Now I know that nothing I could have done would nurture this into a satisfying relationship . To get involved with an N ,is asking for a kick in the pants! Period. Since August I was demoted from being, ", The one he wanted to pamper ,and love till he died in my arms, looking into my beautiful face,( instead of the face of some ugly old nurse,) to calling me an idiot.

(Im not a girl im 54) To calling me an idiot .Candice

Moderator's picture

Originally posted by: massagelady1 on Oct 24, 2007, 1:04am

Congrats Guest, on not calling your ex N. IT is terribly tempting to call them. They still hold some attraction, and we want to tell them what we think of them. Your reasons for not calling are reasonable and sound , The only sensible solution. Admittedly,they still get under my skin . Life with an N is a torch song!Getting all boozed up ,perched on a piano and singing "My man treats me like dirt but I love him anyway!" Candice

Moderator's picture

Originally posted by: Guest on Oct 24, 2007, 12:58pm

Thank you Candice. It's so hard to have someone disappear from your life but I do feel good about myself that I have not tried to contact him. At least that leaves me with my dignity intact.

Lisa Scott's picture

Originally posted on Oct 26, 2007, 7:17pm

Good for you for staying away. It's maddening how they always try to turn things around to make us question our if we were at fault. They are so unbelievably manipulative. The difference now is you (we) know what to look for and can call them out on it the minute they go down that path. This is exactly what you did and you should be proud of yourself!

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Originally posted by: sharon1970 on Jan 4, 2008, 3:42pm

How i wish i had chosen to not contact him, but i gave in to temptation over and over again for the last 2 months. He shifted the blame to me and made me question myself as well, which is what kept me hooked.

Actually i was doing very well blowing him off and telling him what i think of his sense of entitlement and how he treated me, till one night I accidentally bumped into him. He expressed how sad he had been and how much he loved me that i asked him for a second chance. Big mistake as he then turned around and said absolutely not. Well, I lost it and begged for another chance together. He didn't believe my sincerity so i tried harder, only to loose my dignity - now he's ignoring me. I don't know what had come over me. I had never acted like this with anyone before. I thought i was just totally in love and didn't want him to slip away. But i'm at a place now that i feel this was a blessing in disguise looking back at everything he put me through.

I only wish i had compeltely ignored him then to bolster his ego the way i did.

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Originally posted by: massagelady1 on Jan 8, 2008, 11:42am

Hi Sharon ,
Thanks so much for sharing this experience with us , It just goes to prove, once again ,that Ns are manipulative, cruel , egomaniaccs , that love to hurt us however they can . The way he baited, and trapped you was vicious.A good person would not have encouraged you to wear your heart on your sleeve , only to reject you most cruely. He did what he wanted to do , got his supply , and then hurt you .Please dont let this discourage you , he will probably come back for more , this time ,Run, run, run, like I do when I see my ex N , He starts off nicey , nicey , whenever I have the misfortune to run into him , But I know all too well that this is a plot to seduce, me into giving him the supply he wants at the time , , and then, slither back into the slime. I think that they manage to do this to us more often than we care to write about. Your testimony has helped to reaffirm my commitmint to ignore my Ex N and not give in to any temptations to even try to be "Friends" . Thanks and keep strong , my thoughts are with you.

Lisa Scott's picture

Originally posted on Jan 18, 2008, 1:43am

Massagelady is so right, Sharon! Narcissists are so manipulative and cruel it can be incomprehensible at times. He totally baited you and then rejected you. Narcissists love to frustrate women, both in and out of bed. His behavior just prooves he is a narcissist and that you are way better off without him in your life. Do not give him the time of day next time he comes to you for his fix of narcissistic supply. Deny him. Ignoring him or refusing to validate him is absolute torture to a narcissist.