yeah mine only did oral in the very beginning til he had me hooked.
he also told me that an ex gf told him that they had to break up because his penis was too addictive
That is a very very interesting perception and probably quite accurate, at least with some disordered ones. I'm noticing that how they approach sex is entirely different with everyone. Some have lovers who were super sensual, others had lovers that were mechanical, others had lovers who would have sex at all and withheld. I wonder how many of you had a disordered one who withheld sex as punishment?
Mine withheld all the time. When we would have a fight about it he would say that I was a bitch and he couldnt have sex with someone he didnt feel close to. Then told me that he would rather just masturbate because it was "easier" Then he said that it was because my son was in the next room, then he said that it was because I wouldnt shave down there. Then he said it was because he was on bp meds then he said it was because I told him once that he needed to start wearing deodorant then he said it was because..... well you get the idea. Anyway, he just enjoyed porn more than sex with a warm body. What can you do?
My exnh would withold sex and intimacy as punishment. Could talk for hours over email about how he was going to do me but then nothing would ever happen. At the end I had no sex drive at all nothing even now I struggle to feel anything I think I switched it off because even when we were intimate he would tell me how bad it was or how fat I was or he wouldnt finish or masturbate and leave me unfulfilled. the only times he ever did finish was with our kids come to think of it. You know i don't think it matters to these freaks they are all the same whether hyper sexual or not they will use you and do or say anything at any given time so long as it is in their interest. What losers.
You totally voiced out "our problems" but one thing different when i analyze it now, I tend to think..the only times it was great.. when he would give up his guard... and really enjoy and participate and all..... when there was somebody else in a picture... and he probably felt important in high demand .. the long stretches of time when it was just him and me he would torture me...
You are right, one size does not fit all in this area. I guess in my case this is what I was perceiving. I could write an entire book on this subject, especially after reading Spinnings amazing post about "so you think the sex was so intense". Whew. Mine did occasionally withhold. She called me a "vixen" since I wanted it all the time. My addiction to her was all consuming. Suppose that was her version of the Madonna-whore deal. In the end she became sadistic in bed. I also wonder how many here were date raped in the beginning...
Cerebral Narcs are more into control than sex, so they withhold sex-not to mention OTHER forms of intimacy-as a way of power/control. Cerebral Narcs see sex as dirty, degrading, whereas somatic Narcs at least enjoy the experience. Cerebral Narcs see sex as a chore, as "common." They see female sexual desire (or if the Narc has a male partner, male sexual desire) as toppling them off that pedestal, as rendering them into ordinary men. And they don't want to be seen as ordinary and HUMAN!!!!
Cerebral Narcs tend to prefer masturbation.
My husband/soon to be ex husband is a cerebral narc and he would masturbate at work or in the morning after I left for work yet would always tell me he was too tired or wasn't in the mood. He would blame it on this or that but would be looking at porn constantly.
My sexual desire seemed to irritate him and he would tell me that I made him feel like sex was a chore. WTF? In the beginning, he did tons of oral (and is very very good at it) but it was just to suck me in. He stopped completely after the engagement and he had no concept of my sexual needs as independent from his own wants and desires.
During the honeymoon, the oral and sex returned but within three weeks of returning, old patterns began again. Used to think the oral meant he was giving but really just think he does it to gain admiration. On our honeymoon, he actually said to me that he should enter an oral sex competition if they had one. disgusting.
He withheld all sex and physical intimacy when he was upset with me or something I did. sick sick sick.
sounds like mine, he once told me "I could have sex with you 50 times a day and you still wouldnt be happy." or "happiness in our relationship isnt dependent on sex. If you treat me better the sex will follow".
Mine wouldn't either. Although that's really rather creative narc speak, I must admit. Was yours the successful, stealthy type?
Mine loved oral done ON him, but I can count on one hand, not even that, that he performed it on me.
He seemed to be rather disgusted by it. He also had no idea where my clitoris was (Actually, he knew, I just think that he thought sex was kinda icky if he had to please a woman, but great if he was the one pleased). Boy, so glad those days are over.
for me its just another form of control cuz he knows i want him to do it. maybe it takes away from his superior image. he of course doesnt care what we want so hed only do it if he was in the mood
Mine thought he was the expert on oral, but it was too hard, intense, not subtle enough. Zero foreplay - so even though he wanted me to say he was my best lover, and I did, he didn't really understand how to pleasure a woman. He thought it was all about some kind of penetration and nothing leading up to it. No soft caresses, stroking, exploring gradually.
I still got addicted to him though, which is damned stupid.
Mines too! He loved to perform oral on me but a lot of times I felt that he didn't know what he was doing and even sometimes it would hurt cause he would do it too hard. He didn't understand that there were certain spots he needed to pay attention to. I wanted to tell him but didn't have the heart so I suffered through it...sad I know. As soon as he was done he popped up asking "Did you have an orgasm yet? How many times?"
One time i told him about a sexual experience that I had one time with my ex. my ex had done something in particular that I won't even mention. The next time we had sex he did the exact things my ex had done. lol I thought it was so funny being that i never told him that what my ex had done was something that I liked...so when he did it it didn't really do much for me. Just an example of how they feel they have to be the best lover you ever had!
yeah mine only did oral in
Penis too addicive
Rose
mine withheld
My exnh would withold sex and
to Survivor 101
Sun
Cerebral Narcs
My husband/soon to be ex
wow
How well I know this. I miss
Um........
sunafterrain
can you explain what the stealthy type is?
mine do it either
Mine thought he was the
Mines too! He loved to