I am a classic ‘strong’ male who would rather suffer than ask anybody for help. It was hard for me to seek out a professional to talk about my narc with, but I knew I had to connect with someone. Lisa listened intently and built inside me the confidence to walk away from a toxic situation that was eating me up. Not to say I couldn’t do it myself, but Lisa gave me that boost that I needed. My Narc went to some very extreme/desperate measures to try and keep me around. I don’t even want to think about where I would be, what I would be doing, or how I would be feeling if it were not for her counsel. If you want to invest in yourself, be thankful someone like Lisa exists.
Lisa was a consistent force that I leaned on like a crutch throughout the entire journey. At times my heart didn’t want to walk away. Lisa understood it. Like a big sister looking to protect her sibling- Lisa always kept it real with me, even if she had to “hit me over the head with a chair” (just kidding!) several times for me to get it! She told me things I didn’t want to hear. It hurt. It forced me to think. I tried to think against it. Then I realized that she was right. Do yourself a favor and connect with her. Lisa’s insights were spot on from the beginning, it took me time to accept and see them. The spell is gone for me and I am back to being productive again in all aspects of my life. It’s a painful process for all, but it does get better… Lisa makes it go away faster…
It was during THE darkest time of my life, just having been devalued and discarded from someone I believe to be a narcissist, that I discovered Lisa’s book, The Path Forward - Surviving the Narcissist, from her website of the same name. I consider myself a strong, independent woman, but knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle this situation alone. He was highly capricious, more so toward the end of our 7 year involvement and our toxic relationship nearly cost me my life. With Lisa’s extensive knowledge on the topic and her compassion during the sessions she offers, I was guided through the Six Steps outlined in her book, gaining a clear understanding of the narcissistic trauma abuse I had experienced. I began to cope again. In doing the work, I also found the courage to acknowledge my own co-dependent traits which helped lead me in the direction I needed to recover fully, to find my way back from the abuse, and towards a much better life; an authentic life! I am forever grateful for her beautiful spirit and the tireless help she provided me – she is completely devoted to her mission of helping others.”
Obsessive thoughts about my narcissist consumed every part of my day. I did not know it at the time but gradually I was suffering decreased self-confidence, and developing anxiety and addiction to my narcissist. I couldn’t make sense of it all-the constant changing of the goal posts, the hot and cold phases, the tests to see my reaction and I how much I would put up with... I googled articles and there just didn’t seem to be enough GOOD, REAL, DEPENDABLE, information out there about this very difficult subject. I got my hands on whatever I could- some articles were great but none of them provided a complete top to bottom overview of the adrenaline-packed, intense emotional rollercoaster ride also known as “being in a romantic relationship with someone who has NPD”.. I stumbled onto Lisa’s book “It’s All About Her”, while I was still in the relationship with my Narc. Thank goodness I did. I finally found a resource that helped me to make sense of it all- how/why people develop this disorder, first-hand accounts from others who have experienced similar behavior from their narcissists, and most importantly- ways to cope and re-wire your brain to FREE yourself from the Narc. Before reading “It’s All About Her” there were times I had trouble thinking about anything but my narcissist. I read “It’s All About Her” in 5 days. It immediately made me feel better to see that someone knew so well what I was feeling. I re-read the book a second and a third time within a month. Each time I read the book I gained a new insight, perspective, STRENGTH. When I first learned about “No Contact” I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t see why I had to go NC, I thought I was in control- but the truth is I did not know how I was suffering until I went NC. On my second read through, I began to realize that this was the only way to stop the feelings from getting worse. It’s been hard- I’ve never had a struggle so mentally difficult in my life- but it is getting easier day by day. Lisa helped me understand that WE are the ones who have the power- and by taking a stand for ourselves, we create boundaries, and we WIN. It may hurt in doing so, but this is necessary. Mourning the loss of someone who was dear to us is HARD... I still have moments where I want to re-engage my narcissist, but through the ongoing written and verbal support from Lisa I am reminded that I dodged a bullet, and to keep going forward and never look back. I’ve stayed on the path thanks to Lisa. She really gets it, her intentions are pure, and she has helped give me the strength which has made me a more confident person. I highly recommend connecting with Lisa and reading her books.
Thank you Lisa for sharing! The knowledge and information you provided in your website has truly been a blessing....it made me get out of bed and finally realize "it wasn't ME!"....now I can use this newfound knowledge and share my experience so that others can realize they are not alone as well and make better choices in who can enter their lives from thei point forward....thank you!
Thanks for writing such a readable book, Lisa. I've read so much on NPD lately but your work was so succinct and personal (and brave!)- it was like having coffee with a good friend."
I am so glad I read The Path Forward! It was my awakening! I have taken away his power and given myself the gift of myself again!
Lisa thanks for adding me! 8 months after leaving my narc husband I can say my life has improved unbelievably!!! I’ve connected all the dots and realize that I couldn’t have changed the course of horrendous events that I was faced with earlier this year. My sham marriage was successfully annulled from that awful twisted man and I feel so much better! I still visit your website regularly to keep my levels of sanity in check! Thanks for your support.
My daughter's boyfriend's mom gave me your book, The Path Forward. If I did not receive it, I would still be in a violently abusive marriage. The first 4 pages was my life and I thought...hell no, I'm outta here....The Narc is going nuts cause he has no control over me any longer...Thank you.... I was constantly going back and forth and it was wearing me down so much and took a toll on the kids as well. After reading that book; actually I read it 3 times within an hour to make sure I was actually reading correctly. I cried bitterly. a week later I packed my bags, filled my car to the roof and left...never to return. Now my kids are happier (24 & 22) and I live a full life...I'm so happy, it's unreal.
The Path Forward book was tremendously helpful! Lisa really offered a LOT of helpful advice in the later chapters regarding the obsessing thoughts in my head and how to deal with it. If you haven't read it yet, I really recommend that you do.
"My life is slowly coming back to normal Lisa. The CD is gone and with it the obsession. He still lives rental free in my head to some degree, but guess what, I don´t care anymore. Eventually he will move out and get lost. I am laughing again, being there for my kids, holding head high and starting to really love myself, maybe for the first time in my life. I would almost say I am grateful for all the pain this brought me, without it I would never have taken a closer look at myself gaining this knowledge and setting boundaries for my feelings and needs. Still I have some way to go to get really healed but I am considering it now being my life goal. Its a life long healing journey every day! I lost some friends on this path and in this aftermath, but these are "friends" who pretended to be there but actually were enjoying my suffering. It made them feel better about themselves. Well, this I am telling you is stuff many of us survivors went through in this process and it hurt almost as much as the narcs, incomprehensible, being revictimized. Wanted to share. You were right all the time. Pain is temporary. NC and pride is forever."
Lisa E. Scott's painstaking work in reliving and recording exactly the narcissist’ rhetoric and actions will sadly, gently ring true for many unsuspecting victims caught in the Narcissistic Tsunami. But at some point, submerged reality will surface to reveal the impending devastation to the victim’s sanity, self-confidence, safe home life, workplace success, social relationships, or perhaps even a child's dream of tomorrow. How many tsunamis can one survive? It is the resolute actions next taken, on the heels of realization, which charts the course of our collective future success....or failure.
- Denise Martine, Author of The One Dollar Divorce, www.theonedollardivorce.com.
In the midst of horrific anguish while freshly used, devalued, and discarded with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel in my marital relationship, I voraciously devoured reading material searching for answers to my trek through the bowels of the Twilight Zone. I was lost, alone, and terrified by the turn my life had taken, leaving me emotionally devastated and financially decimated. I stumbled onto a site with Lisa E. Scott's book, It's All About Him, and this became the turning point for my own self-redemption and healing. Lisa frees the confusion and offers a plausible and educated evaluation with the assignment of the term, narcissist. Ms. Scott shows herself to be a real woman of flesh and blood who struggled with her own angst in similar relationships and offers well researched data on narcissism peppered with stories of others falling into the dark abyss with this chameleon of a manipulator. She takes you by the hand to allow each survivor reading her works a path of comprehension, knowledge that we are not alone, and the amazingly awe-inspiring feeling that we are not damaged goods who sought this painful excursion into an alien realm. Much more than this gift of hope and understanding are her accompanying blog sites filled with camaraderie and the deep and earnest desire to aid each other reclaim our self-esteem and lives. Lisa E. Scott has another powerful book following the awareness of classification, The Path Forward. This manual clearly and effectively proposes essential steps for gradational movement into recovery. Lisa becomes a valued confidante and friend in our individualized journeys to dropping the shackles of fear and self-doubt as we painstakingly incorporate mental and emotional purging and growth. With intellect, warmth, and heartfelt compassion, Lisa has touched my being and essence. The courage to broach the topic of narcissism beyond simple defined traits and to sound the alarm that these disordered presences cannot be redeemed and must be avoided for one's sanity and productivity stands as her hallmark. Her writings changed my perception of this dark territory and offered me a lifeline away from unaware therapists and unknowledgable friends and family whose judgments left me drowning in uncertainty. Lisa brings herself, her generosity of being, and her indomitable spirit to “ride shotgun” as she coaches us to reach for aid, trust our instincts, and to live fully and consciously. She inspired me to write my own story. My life has been altered. I am no longer afraid and although not the same innocent I once was, I have the courage to stand for my convictions and to be fully myself, warts and all. Whether or not romance enters my future, I am OK and look toward tomorrows with fresh discernment and even an eagerness. There is nothing to hide and no attempts necessary to fit someone else's vision of me in a particular blueprint. Lisa's works transformed my vision of being a desolate “sensitive” into one of personal strength and integrity, one step at a time. My gratitude is immeasurable.