Im breaking down

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#1 Feb 18 - 8AM

exhausted

Im breaking down

I feel like I have taken major stepd back the past few days. I'm still not talking to him which is good but I got some new information and I don't know how to handle it. He filed for divorce. His wife got the papers yesterday. His old girlfriend finally picke up the phone adn called him. Things are going great with new girlfriend. He is taking is slow and getting to know her just in case old girlfriend decides not to take him back. Where do I fit in? For 2 years he's been telling me if he ever gets a divorce he would be with me in a heartbeat. Now it is happening in front of my face and he doesnt give a shit about me. He totally trashed me. All I've been doing is crying. I can't get over him. I can't get him out of my mind. I know NC is the key and I am doing it and it makes me lok like I'm strong and I dont care and thats great. But what am I supposed to do about my heart? I still love him. After everything he's done to me he is still the only guy who can make me absolutely crazy.

#2 Feb 18 - 10AM

exhausted

Thanks for the kind words

Thanks for the kind words everyone. i am feeling much better now. You will never believe what i did this morning. There is another girl in my office who has hated me from day 1 and I never knew why. I kind of always thought maybe she had something with him at one point but never knew for sure so I pushed it out of my head. Well today I got up the courage and asked her to go with me for coffee. I just blurted it out and asked her if she had an affair with him. It took some work on my part but I got it out of her. He was having an affair with her too!!!! Her office is right next to mine! I asked her how she can see him everyday. She told me it was very hard at first but she finally realized that he is a sick person. She said now when she sees him she doesnt feel anything. I know with the help of all of you and my therapist I can get there too. This guy really messed me up and its not fair but I am going to figth back and get over him

#3 Feb 18 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

gettinbetter

Wow!

So now you are seeing what a true freak he is.... this should be scary and alarming to you. Helldweller posted a really good article on evil. These guys only get worse. Imagine where he will be in 10 years

#4 Feb 18 - 10AM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

Ex

Your narc is one sick puppy! Honestly, you should be celebrating that he's gone! Yuck! Tell me, what do you love about him? You should all get together and file a sexual harassment suit against this pervert. Also you all need to go get checked for STD by a doctor! He owns this problem EX! It's no longer yours! Love idealk

#5 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #21)

exhausted

You are so right. I like

You are so right. I like that you said he owns this problem. He will always have it and I someday will no longer have it. He just told me I am a bitch and asked me how long I am going to continue to ignore him. He said I am making it so obvious and I am making other people in the office uncomfortable. He asked for this 2 1/2 years ago when he got involved with a co worker. He also told me to get a new job and to just get away from him. I am thinking he wants me to react to his anger. I showed no emotion.

#6 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #23)

Hunter

Ex

Yuck! Are you seeing his true colors? Don't let him see you cry! Stand firm! Be that "Bitch" you should have said "thank you, yes I am" Idealk

#7 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #22)

Alive

booo hooo

Those poor people in the office are feeling uncomfortable?? NO you are standing up for yourself, you are on to him and he knows it!! keep going and he will leave that job in a flash! What he is saying 'I (him) a bitch and i like it, how long can i continue to keep this up? It is really hard my mask is going to fall. I am making it so obvious now, shit what the hell am i going to do, they are all onto me now,my new supply is going to know everything, i need a new job to get away now from them ALL' Bye Bye narc :)

#8 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Alive

YES,

and more yes's- HE owns the problem. Read ideal's response and there it is, in your face if you like :) Let him deal with his problem (s) You are all onto him now, as someone once said on here 'where is the popcorn ? ' Enjoy the movie.

#9 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

Hunter

Alive

Lol,It does become predictable, once you stop feeling sorry for your self, these nut jobs find a way to put on a good show! I like lots of butter on mypopcorn! Idealk

#10 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Alive

mine

is with salt, your popcorn is ready with lots of butter. Exhausted- im sorry if this is offending you, we are all here for you, hopefully it is putting a smile on your face, chin up Lady.:)

#11 Feb 18 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

exhausted

not offended. Its really

not offended. Its really funny!

#12 Feb 18 - 9AM

sara-smile

I feel sick - exhausted

Your Narc and my narc are the same person. They have to be! Mine told me the same thing. He left her and then tried to have a relationship with me and 10 other women at the same time! All he ever spewed out of his mouth was how wonderful our lives were gonna be! IT WAS ALL A LIE! I know it hurts. It's the worst pain in the world but HE IS NOT WORTH IT! Not at all! He would cheat on you just like he did the wife! You wouldn't be any different. He's a pig! A sick, lying, disgusting PIG! Do you want to be the wife at home wondering where he is and who he's talking to all the time? For the rest of your life you would be in detective mode because YOU KNOW he can not be faithful. Keep up the NC. It's the only way to save yourself from MORE pain. What you are feeling is nothing right now compared to how bad you would feel if you contact him. I promise. Love you! HANG IN THERE!

#13 Feb 18 - 8AM

gettinbetter

OMG Used!

Yes!!! The N told one of my friends some 16 years ago. "She's mine and when I want her back Ill get her back now stay out of our business" He made good on that.

#14 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #12)

Used

soi

that is how they think, if we didnt go back they wouldnt be able to think that. he also said to me, they[women] all come back. well i wont, which is why he has seeked ex again. yuk

#15 Feb 18 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Alive

Exactly

what Narcy boy said to me ' they always come back'...

#16 Feb 18 - 8AM

Used

exhausted

i finished with narc 17mnths ago, and have stuck to it, i have just found out he is back in touch with his ex, what he done to her and his child with her ,i wouldnt even say on here, is he using her? yes. why ? cos he can, he even used to say to me, if we[me and him] ever finish i will get her back, i even said no you wont, not after what you did to her, well it has took time but he got her back TO USE THAT IS ALL TO USE!!!!. that is what your toerag wants to do to you, please dont let him for your own sanity, narc even bragged to me what a user he is. even i cant believe she has become connected to him again and all he will be doing is patting himself on the back and laughing how clever he is. please dont let that dog do that or think that about you, when he thinks of you let him think, exhausted is the one i didnt get back. he wont like it, but they dont forget the one;s they dont get back. even if he gets a divorce, it will be the same thing with you. sex and gone, i read your story, please dont do it .usedxxx i had an emotional freindship with narc, a lot of listening and reading between the lines.. i knew him and his mindset...horrible horrible horrible. they all arexxxx ps he even offered her to his friend, and she went with the friend.while narc was there, omg its all so sick.

#17 Feb 18 - 8AM

spinning

Exhausted, sweety,

I was the lucky recipient of a very disordered person who finally ditched the wife. When that happened, his disorder got even worse. Our relationship should have been able to really "take off," but instead it got even crazier. The wife was a stabilizer for the disordered one I was involved with, as much as he professed to hate her, etc. In fact he did not care for her and he D & D'd her horribly (which should have been a huge red flag for me but like IdealK I didn't know what I was dealing with). Trust me, whomever he is with will endure chaos, craziness, uncertainty, insecurity, infidelity, rages, mean ness, stupid stuff. I know it's hard because I was very perplexed by it, too, but I surely wish I wouldn't have been "the one" he chose. It brought me years of hell and got me in a hole that I'm finding very difficult to crawl out of. Try to shift the focus, Ex. He will do the same thing over and over. I know this for a fact because I lived it. The disordered one D * D'd me worse than he did the wife. Imagine what that woman is feeling...she may be totally surprised by his divorce papers, probably knows little or nothing about what he's been up to. This man you think you love is a DESTROYER. Don't let him take you down. Hugs to you, Ex. Hang in there. You will end up in a better place. Stay NC as much as you can. Sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning

spinning

#18 Feb 18 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

victimnomore

Spinning i totally agree

I totally agree with your post. see I was the wife and the stabilizer for my NH. When he D & D'd me on one occasion and left with the OW He treated her terribly and after purchasing a house and living together she left him. All of this had taken place in about 8 months. She never said what he did to her but the tone in her voice made me realize that it was terrible. They are never satisfied and will get worse after they leave their wives.

victimnomore

#19 Feb 18 - 8AM

gettinbetter

awww

listen sweets this guy will not change! I dont care if he marries old gf. He will do it to her too only she will have to go thru a painful divorce. I know its so hard. These people rape your soul. Here's the thing start looking into why this guy would drive you crazy when he treats you like dog shit. When I start looking at as something in me that caused me to put up with that he seems less glamourous i.e. hes just not that special. I have to realize that I simply play my weaknesses out with him. I like to think that I used him just like he used me.

#20 Feb 18 - 8AM

Hunter

EX

You just started this process, Again you snooped. Now look how you feel. Like shit ,and yep he doesn't care. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Look I care more about you then he does. Yes you love him, But you need to love him from afar. He is toxic. all this dude does is continue to inflict pain on you. Maybe his wife has had enough and filed first. Stay out of it. Cry if you want to nut do not contact him. You can call me all day if you want. DO Not call him. You know its the right thing to do. Good Luck Idealk

#21 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

MandyM

About The Wife:

Exactly. My ex told me he heard after his wife left him "with no warning" and devastated him that she had been fooling around. Now I suspect that that was an excuse to soothe his own ego and make him look pitiful. Funny how he said he couldn't get ahold of her for weeks after she dropped her bombshell and walked out, and then when she finally did contact him, all her communication was done through her attorney, not from her to him directly. Sound familiar? I'd bet anything it's the same situation in your case. And look how even now, he's keeping TWO girlfriend options open in case one doesn't work out. They're interchangeable to him. He is not a nice person.

#22 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

gettinbetter

Mandy

I expect that your ex N is the one that did that to the wife. I bet he is the one that abandoned her with no warning. I see that alot with these freaks they what they did to someone else and turn it around as if that person did it to them

#23 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

MandyM

I kind of figured that's

I kind of figured that's where the "she was cheating" came from. My guess is HE was the one cheating.

#24 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #6)

gettinbetter

Yes!

Its so weird and they believe those lies too! Their world is so inverted what you do for them they perceive themselves as doing it for you and what they do or say they perceive it as you saying or doing it to them. It so bizarre. I quoted to the N some really mean things that he said to me way back when and his was response was: "I cant believe the hate shit you say to me" Omg seriously that is what he said. I said look dude thats what you said to me! but it was if I had said it to him and he really believed it. There minds to do not process the same as ours. Its a riddle to figure out how to speak to them where they dont take offense

#25 Feb 18 - 8AM

onwithmylife

exhausted

you sound today like your name, remember you can always love him but that does not mean he is good for you or a nice,kind, caring man, he is a mask and a facade and not a real person.it will take time to heal, it is not a fast process I am sorry to say, hang in there.

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