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how im feeling

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#1 Jul 14 - 7AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

how im feeling

I am still in a fog of confusion , my mind is still all over the place and im ranting in my head at him for all the terrible things he has said and the way he left 3 times now . im so angree at how he put me down and belittled me . I cant stand his arogance and the way he always made out i had problems that only he could sort out . I feel beaten , a shadow of my former self , i am pull expresions i didnt know i had or that my face could look like and my eyes are dead . all this and just one year into a relationship.
I have been through break ups before but this is diffrent . i feel raped , like something has been taken away with out my say so .and i just cant stop crying .
10 days no contact and im not turning the corner , nowhere near .
peru x

Jul 15 - 1PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You will but you are going

You will but you are going to have to start to substitue some activities for the compulsive thoughts you are experiencing. he has really burned you by offering to sort out the problems he created he left you psychologically exhausted. this is some nervous system thing and is normal when distancing from this kind of emotional hypnotist. Get in with a group, find a hobby shop and check out if there is anything you would like to do. Take a class in yoga or tai-chi that is good for the nervous system. You are still a little hypnotized so you need to 'break the spell' with some other things to do. Whatever he promised you, a boyfriend, a home and family, whatever he offered you that you wanted and are now disappointed is where you are suffering. It is hard to see right this minute but you will soon, with the No Contact rule, you will be laughing at this guy soon enough.
Jul 15 - 12AM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hey guys, i just joined this

Hey guys, i just joined this site and just learnt the term NPD from my pyschologist I have been seeing for the past month. It is so comforting to read everyone's stories about what they are going through and to know that I am not alone, everyone seems really nice. I don't quite know what I am doing here but it does help be to try and move on from the guy i was 'dating' and loved for the past year. I don't understand how he could have gone from e-mailing me, messaging me, chasing me all the time, being so loving and wonderful to recently finding out the whole time he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend he introduced to friends and family but he kept me hidden in the dark. I feel so confused, hurt, worthless, used for sex and like I am nothing and have nothing to offer the world. I confronted him and he has cut me off, he doesn't respond to messages removed me as a friend from FB and has just disappeared after what we shared. I don't understand. I am so unhappy and hurting and am trying to come to terms with the fact this is a brain disorder but I just don't see why this other girl is so worthy and special she gets to be out in the sunlight with him and I am so rubbish he hides me away. She isn't even that pretty, very masucline looking and seems quite demanding. I did nothing but be sweet and cute so what is wrong with me? Why can he love HER but not me? I feel so confused and worthless and would love some advice!
Jul 15 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

He doesn't care anything

He doesn't care anything about her either. You are feeling like rubbish because this jerk is a player'. It sounds like you had a close call. It is hard to be happy about betrayal that is a tough emotion to cope with. It makes all kinds of anxiety, depression, sadness, confusion. You didn't do anything and in some way the fates sent you some information that this guy was double timing you. We get messages in strange ways. he must not want this other gal to find out about you. Maybe she should. he is with her for some reason but he obviously doesn't care about her either.
Jul 16 - 12AM (Reply to #14)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Carolyn & Barbara from cupcake

Thanks Carolyn it helps to hear someone call him a jerk! Maybe he does really care about her...I did try to tell her and sent her a message just to let her know what had been going on with him and me but she blocked it and ignored it or didn't believe it. I guess he could have told her anything he doesn't talk to me anymore since I brought all this out in the open. They are still together (but doing a long distance relationship as she just moved back to London - maybe that works for him!) and she seems to be happy. A couple of my friends are FB friends with her and she writes on peoples walls saying how great things are at the moment and talks of him in a really positive way. He is going to London next month to see her for 6 weeks and do some travel together so maybe narcissits can commit to long term relationships and love their partners? He wouldn't go over to see her otherwise? It's so confusing and hurtful how he can just cut me off like this and all of a sudden seems to be very serious with her! I guess he chose what was important it so hurts very much but maybe I'm lucky not to be his girlfriend! Thanks for making me so welcome this website is amazing!
Jul 16 - 1AM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

are you kidding?

Maybe he does really care about her...I did try to tell her and sent her a message just to let her know what had been going on with him and me but she blocked it and ignored it or didn't believe it. I guess he could have told her anything he doesn't talk to me anymore since I brought all this out in the open. "When it came to the women seeking out his previous relationships to check out his stories, lies, or behaviors, two and a half times more women did not talk to others, including previous female partners about his behavior than those who did. ....“He always told me she cheated on him, was crazy and a liar. He said no one could believe anything out of her mouth. So I never thought I’d get the truth. I see now he did that so I wouldn’t approach her.”.... About 25% of the women were able to contact other women who had been with the psychopath/ narcissist. In all but two cases the other women had similar stories to tell about his behavior. In the cases where other women refused to tell her about the pathological , children were involved and he was the biologic father. Many of those who did not try to check out his stories, said they should have, and wish they had, as the information they would have gotten may have helped them to make a better choice. There were some women in the survey who were told in great detail about his violent and parasitic behavior. The psychopath had his own convincing explanation about every disturbing description of him. Unfortunately, women don’t believe other women when they tell about abuse from the male partner. A lesson learned is that the other woman may have something to say worth hearing and considering. ....“How I wish I would have at least tried to contact others. I might not be in the shape I am today trying to recover from what I’ve been through. If anyone ever contacts me, I’ll definitely tell her the truth!”... ...“I thought she was biased! She was and rightfully so. I needed to hear what she had to say… I wish I had.”... Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (and other pathological men) Maybe he really cares about her? What about before you? Did he tell you they were "bitches, whores, crazy, psycho, scorned, obsessed with him..."??? HHMMMM???? This man cares about NO ONE. He can NOT love (not will not - CAN NOT) and he never will. cupcake - stop trying to figure out a SERIOUSLY SICK MAN. He's got an incurable personality disorder and NOTHING, I repeat N O T H I N G he does or did well EVER make sense to you. Why? Because you are NORMAL and he is NOT and never will be. You MUST institute NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY NO CONTACT MEANS: He texts you? YOU DELETE IT WITHOUT READING He calls you? YOU DON'T ANSWER He leaves a message? YOU DELETE IT WITHOUT LISTENING He IMs or Emails you? YOU DELETE THEM WITHOUT READING AND BLOCK HIM AND EVERY EMAIL ADDRESS HE MAKES TO TRY TO GET TO YOU - AGAIN, WITHOUT READING ANY OF IT. He mails you? YOU WRITE 'DELIVERY REFUSED - RETURN TO SENDER' and PUT IT BACK IN THE MAIL - UNOPENED He sends you presents? YOU REFUSE DELIVERY His MySpace, Facebook, etc? YOU DO NOT CHECK IT EVER AND YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS NOT TO TELL YOU ANYTHING THEY SEE ON THERE. IF THEY DO, YOU INSTITUTE NO CONTACT WITH THEM, ALSO! He comes to your house? YOU DON'T ANSWER ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 16 - 1AM (Reply to #16)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

re: are you kidding

Wow! I am learning so much in one afternoon! Those are great stats - I can't believe only 25% of women are brave enough to talk! Maybe that is why they get away with it so much, they make us afraid. I'm afraid! I think I might copy your "no contact" list and put it up on my computer here just to remind myself whaof what I have to do to try and move on! I guess the abrubt way he left and cut me off makes me feel like I need answers and need to know what he is doing. He never talked about his exes much - in fact never wanted to talk about other women when he was with me...if I talked of other men I could see his eyes flames, he hated the thought of me with anyone else and got so jealous but he could have a girlfriend. I think you are right my pyscolgist said the same thing I need to stop trying to figure a man with a brain disorder because I will never understand why he does things - that is why he is disordered!
Jul 15 - 1AM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

don't worry

he can't love anyone but himself. NO ONE. http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/11/other-woman-now-hes-happy-with-her.html click on Message Board (left) and go back to the beginning and read everything you can... I have filled this board with great articles on them. You can also listen to all the past BlogTalkRadio shows Lisa's done free - online. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim There is NOTHING wrong with you - NOT A THING!! Welcome. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 15 - 1AM (Reply to #10)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Even her?

Can I just ask B does that mean he doesn't love even her? was thinking he must...if he doesn't love her why does she get to meet his family and friends and be at his side for parties and fmaily dinners etc?
Jul 15 - 1AM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

sweetie - EVEN HER. He can't love. NO Narcissist can love. Give it time - she'll get the heave ho too. BE GLAD HE'S GONE and keep reading ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 15 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

:)

thank you so much again! Will start reading this stuff...this is so great and comforting am so happy I joined this site!
Jul 15 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

oh thank you! I feel a

oh thank you! I feel a little better already, going to get busy reading some of these articles with a glass of wine (or bottle) now! Thanks for the welcome! I hope I can be of more help to people soon too!
Jul 15 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the next victim....

FROM: http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com He will ALWAYS have someone else lined up before he bails out or you are ready to kick him out. He shows no remorse for his cruelty and will blame you for everything. He has no capacity for introspection and no desire for counseling or finding a way to work things out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 15 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

Hi cupcake! You're off to a good start with the info. Barbara has given you. You are in the right place to begin your recovery... Welcome!!
Jul 14 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

perutoo

10 days is nothing. 18 months is the gold standard for feeling relief from a pathological - it may be less or more are you in counseling? get in - that will help speed things up a LOT. Try reading everything you can on narcissism too. Lisa's book is very validating. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/14/emotional-psychological-trauma-causes-effects-symptoms-treatment http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/09/why-we-hurt-so-long#comment-5596 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 14 - 1PM
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

HE TOOK YOUR SOUL. I DON'T

HE TOOK YOUR SOUL. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GET THAT BACK. I, TOO, HAVE HAD BREAK-UPS BUT NOTHING LIKE THIS. IT'S BEEN ALMOST A MONTH FOR ME. I AM JUST NOW GETTING MY APPETITE BACK. I WENT TO AN ACUPUNCTURIST WHICH HELPED. I SEE A THERAPIST BUT NOT WEEKLY BECAUSE IT'S FOR LOW INCOME PEOPLE AND I DONT KNOW WHY BUT THEY SCHEDULE APPTS LIKE EVERY 3 WEEKS. THAT'S TOO MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN, BUT OH WELL. THE CORNER IS NEAR. JUST STAY AWAY AT ALL COST. KNOW IN ADVANCE YOU'LL CONTINUE ON IN THE HELL IF YOU RESUME SEEING HIM. FORCE YOURSELF TO STAY BUSY AND SEE FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I CHOSE TO SEE MY BROTHER OFTEN CUZ HE'S SOOOOOO FUNNY. I HAD A PARTY SUNDAY FOR MY DAUGHTER GRADUATING COLLEGE. I DIDN'T THINK OF HIM CUZ I WAS SURROUNDED BY A LARGE GROUP AND WAS BUSY WITH FOOD, ETC... WISH I HAD MORE ADVISE BUT I'M KINDA IN THE SAME BOAT. I JUST KNOW IT WOULD BE THE STUPIDEST THING I COULD EVER DO TO CONTACT HIM (WHICH I KNOW I WON'T DO) OR TO ACCEPT AN ATTEMPT OF HIM CONTACTING ME. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. FEEL THE PAIN. CRY. GET PISSED. PLAY OVER AND OVER IN YOUR HEAD THE THINGS HE SAID AND DID. THERE'S NO WAY TO MISS THAT, RIGHT? ANY GOOD TIMES WERE A BIG FUCKING LIE. SEE THE CORNER AND KEEP WALKING TOWARDS IT. TAKE YOUR TIME AND FEEL THE CONCRETE UNDER YOUR FEET. YOU MAY STEP ON BROKEN GLASS, YOU MAY TRIP ON A CRACK, IT MAY RAIN, IT MAY BE DARK. JUST KEEP WALKING. I'M WALKING WITH YOU. WE ALL ARE. XO
Jul 14 - 8AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

perutoo

Aww, I am so sorry, I know just how this feels hon. It's only been 10 days for you, no wonder! I could barely function the first month. I was a total zombie, and yes...something is taken from us, in a very cruel way. It's like grieving death. In the beginning I worried that I would not pull out of it. Was I always going to feel hopeless, abandoned, depressed?? I realized I needed help, so sought therapy, took some anxiety meds, got a lot of support here as well as other places. You are so right, it's not a normal break-up. No comparrison. Mine left me without telling me several times. I knew ignoring him would be excrutiating for a while. I can tell you for me, it has gotten much better. I still have a long ways to go, but the scales have definitely tipped in favor of how much better I feel about myself, and how little I feel for him. Once you're out of the really "thick" FOG, you do start to see them for what they are. Especially the fact that they follow such a typical pattern. That's why coming here helps so much too...you will see many of the same stories. But for now, focus on a lot of self-care, support, do whatever you need to do to get through this first part of the pain. I know it's really tough, please try to hang in there! Big hugs to you!!
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Nicole
Nicole's picture

hi, 10 days is so early. be

hi, 10 days is so early. be kind to yourself. mine left me 12 times in 5 years. the last time i was so used to it, that i felt like i knew what kind of pain was coming. because they leave and come back, you also find it hard to believe that they are actually gone. after 10 days, i was a mess - not eating, barely functioning, but i promise it will get better. i'm close to 7 months out and i still have difficult days. keep reading as much as you can and do whatever you need to do to feel better - get outside, talk to friends and definitely find a counselor/therapist. my weekly visits helped me to get on track for the week and each week i felt more clarity. don't contact him. think about yourself. you're worth more than this. it will get better, but better because you'll start to understand the dynamic. you just can't see it clearly yet, but you will.