i'm really depressed

I will be ok , what you did was bury youre feelings for a while with new guy , the feelings you have for youre narc didnt go away although it seemed like it for a while they need to be worked through and now you are back onto the path to recovory ... sucks eh? but its what you need to get through .. a few months of misory is the price you have to pay for life long healing ... if you bury the feelings in the arms of another they will come out but in a much more distructive way . although it may not seem like it one bit what the new guy did was give you a huge favor ... keep friends with him ... never say never ... see it from his point of view too and give him credit for doing the right thing , he proberly didnt want to be a rebound guy ... it proves you where making the right choises with men though because if he was a bad guy he would have used you in youre vaunrable state but he didnt , he did the right thing and so did you , there is no way you are ready for a new love ... not yet , you are beautiful and there will be a time when you will be beating off the guys with a stick , the good guys know that you are out of bounds at the moment they will see it in youre eyes sweetheart . Wrap youre self up in a big blanket and heal ... this is just time out ... and world get ready for when you are better ...woop woop the girlfriend will be back in town .big love to you xx

today, I felt just like you. I dated a guy, although the xN broke up with me only two months ago. He is really cute, a water polo player, he is just so nice, caring, and everything I ever wanted. We went out three times, and I really liked him, but it just isn't going to happen. So today, I'm just on the couch, being sad, watching TV. So I'm really reading everything the others posts as a reaction on your post, because it applies to me as well. When you will be turning 30? I will in March...

OK, let's use some of your psychology training on this :) You hate being alone. That is normal. Most people hate being alone, and I mean really hate it. It is against our nature to be alone :( All those feelings of sadness at being alone are totally understandable. BUT It's when you start drawing WRONG conclusions about the rest of your life, your value as a person, your fate or doom as "not relationship material" that is where you go sideways. Being alone means being alone. It doesn't mean you aren't a lovely person, a worthy and valuable person. It just sucks for you to be alone. Keep it simple, honey. This emotional storm is a symptom of how badly you MUST get in touch with yourself. When you are in touch with yourself, feeling OK just as you are, these feelings and fears WON'T HAPPEN. You'll date, and say it doesn't work out. You feel down for a few days, but not overwhelmed and sick and desperate and planning on being a spinster. You need the foundation of yourSELF. This has got to be in some of the books you are studying :D right? All the stuff you are studying applies to YOU, your immediate life. I was like you. Me and everyone else, really. Until we find that precious sense of self, and feel the value of that self, each disappointment in love will wreck you. And you are right, you can't afford to be going through this over and over. It is too hard on you. The crazy thing is, that "self" I so desperately sought in other people was always inside me and I knew it was there but didn't know that is what it was. I head the little voice and it annoyed me. I was taught to not trust it. Maybe you were too? I'll just be blunt. You won't find what you are looking for in a man, in any man. Even though that is exactly what it appears to be that you are looking for. Take that on faith. What you are looking for is REALLY and TRULY THERE. It is there and you will find it. But you have to start looking in the right places. It's that simple. Oh and ETA: (edited to add) it is also that complicated and puzzling and elusive. But it's there. I swear it!!