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NC reversed

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#1 Sep 30 - 1PM
Alive
Alive's picture

NC reversed

I broke nc last week because he upset our child. I could not hold this in any longer (my feelings). To cut a long story short he felt NOTHING, i was in total shock. So now i am thinking about what he said!! He actually reversed the situation on me. I have had no NC for a couple of months, i did not react to his silly pushing the GF in my face act, he accused me of making anon calls to her phone!,( i BET it was him making the calls) GF came looking for me, using the child to get to me, you name he has tried it.He even thinks i am jealous of him and his GF? this is wishful thinking on his part i feel. Looks good doesn't it for him.
He then said on the phone
'dont call me'
'i am too busy'
'i am trying to make MY dinner'
'i will have to look at the contact arrangments'
I thought,EXCUSE ME you have upset our child and this is all you can say?? WTH
He is reversing this i feel because i do not have any contact with him, not even texts anymore on child arrangements. It was like he was saying 'because you dont want to have any contact with ME, i am the one that has made this decision, because you (ME) have contacted me, i am going to throw this back in your face'. He could not give a toss that it was about his child. It was all about him. I have got over the shock now i am angry AGAIN!
I am now waiting for his come back! lol. It took him three weeks for his last comeback. He makes me feel so bloody sick.
He is such a big baby

Sep 30 - 1PM
sunflowergrl70
sunflowergrl70's picture

Don't engage. Period.

Unless he has your firstborn I would not engage with him at all. Do not call him to get back any belongings. Clothes and computers can be replaced. The Evil Genious has my son's banjo, a Netflix movie and a pair of my jeans. He can keep the shit. It's a small price to pay for not having to get sucked back in to the circular arguments that I had with him.
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
Alive
Alive's picture

that

was what my call was about, where is she?, ive learned my lesson AGAIN! he used the excuse 'i presumed' to his father. I called his father to bring back my girl. DOn't they just love it, having control? Idiot.
Sep 30 - 1PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh they do this , once the

Oh they do this , once the penny has dropped that you are in no contact they play this stupid game . I broke no contact about 3 months in to ask him for my bloody computer back as i had broken my spare on one night and i was doing some very important work on it , i simply needed a computer straight away like in the next half an hour , he aswered the phone and said "let me think about it . im going away to my mums for a few days blah blah " what an idiot , i had to do the rest of my work on the blackberry which seriously pissed me off !
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Alive
Alive's picture

do

they? good to know scoop. Obviously had nothing better to do with hiself, do you think he got bored looking in the mirror that evening? OH sorry i forgot, how could he be bored with hiself lol.
Sep 30 - 1PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

happynow

They HAVE to pretend that it was all their idea: the breakup, the no contact, everything. They have the self esteem of a pile of rat sh*t. They cannot be responsible, and they cannot be dumped, shunned, let go nicely,nothing.
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Alive
Alive's picture

pretend

is great word for him, he is all PRETENCE. so true, pretending he cares for his kid. He once said after the first round with him ' do you have an audience is this why you are talking to me like this?' now i relise he is a narc boy this is TRUE for him, loves an audience.
Sep 30 - 1PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

happynow

They HAVE to pretend that it was all their idea: the breakup, the no contact, everything. They have the self esteem of a pile of rat sh*t. They cannot be responsible, and they cannot be dumped, shunned, let go nicely,nothing.
Sep 30 - 1PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

happynow

They HAVE to pretend that it was all their idea: the breakup, the no contact, everything. They have the self esteem of a pile of rat sh*t. They cannot be responsible, and they cannot be dumped, shunned, let go nicely,nothing.
Sep 30 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Argh, what a waste of your

Argh, what a waste of your life to wait for his comeback! The good thing about NC is you get to stay out of these stupid, brain rotting Narc games. Blech. You folks who have kids with the Narc have my special condolences. NC is almost impossible, unless you take the kid and go into hiding, which is against the law unless a judge tells you it's OK to do. Which means he would have had to shoot you with a gun or burn your house down FIRST. Figuring out "minimal contact" is a special journey. Honey, he's gonna hurt your child a million more times. Confronting him about it is exactly what he wants. It gives him supply to confront him. He eats it up, even if it is negative. He's not NORMAL, he just wants any attention from you. It just draws you "into the arena" when you confront him. Even if he deserves it, even if what he did to the child was horrible. He's a Narc, he's not a normal person, and he won't respond normally. Be the kind of mother who is STRONG for your child. Who your child can come to for comfort and reality. Children are very resilient as long as they have a strong, calm parent who is in control of themselves. You risk losing control of yourself if you get into these stupid Narc games with him. So, you just don't play. You've got another . . . well, many more years of dealing with this idiot as your child's father. You have to think about the future here. Do you want another fifteen years or so of THIS nonsense? I didn't think so! It won't stop unless you yourself stop it! And you can :) That's the beauty. You can stop yourself from reacting to him. You can smarten up about giving him supply. It will reduce so much of the drama, which your child doesn't need. Your child suffers as much from the drama as he/she does from the Narc. You have control of say . . . 90% of the drama. You can stop it yourself. IT means changing how you respond to him, which is something you can do :)
Sep 30 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Also,

Im just a new parent but I understand that kids will modell after their folks, so as you are the custodial parent, if you show your strength and dignity your child will learn a lot from that and will have a great chance of coming through this mess as a functional and happy adult. You can do it, we are all strong enough to do this.
Sep 30 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Alive
Alive's picture

:)

Thanyou, i just feel so bloody tired fromall of this sometimes. Im exhausted to tell you the truth. I am tired of having to be the one that has to be strong all the time! shit that sounds so selfish and uncaring doesn't it...Is this wrong to feel this way? :(
Sep 30 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

No, it absolutely is NOT

No, it absolutely is NOT wrong to feel this way, and it NOT selfish and uncaring. It is perfectly normal. I know the feelings of exhaustion very well, and having to be strong all the time gets really old. The best description I had of myself after my xnh's final D&D is "battle worn". I sometimes feel like I've been dragged behind a car for about 16 years. I frequently get to the point where all I can think is "Can't just ONE thing go easy for me? It doesn't even have to be a BIG thing. I'll settle for something small." Hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Sep 30 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Alive
Alive's picture

Hugs

back :)
Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Alive
Alive's picture

i am

TRYING, i have done this before with him and i will do it again. Yes this is my 2 round with this idiot. I have read your kind words with deep thought. Thankyou. x