Right now.

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 30 - 11AM

Anonymous (not verified)

Right now.

Right now it feels like I need a new source of supply.

I miss him and he's not worth it and I'm waiting to go back to work, my daughter is in school and because he took up so much of my energy and time (either thinking about him, waiting to spend time with him or talking to him daily...or spending the rare evening or day together), this is tough.

Saw a commercial today for eharmony. It was couples all loving each other, swinging in a hammock, washing a car and joking around, kissing, bowling...and all it made me think of was how we used to be when times were good -- we were like that. And now, he's doing those things with some new girl he more than likely has met on Plenty of Fish.

And he was looking for that girl to settle down with, long term. He told me he wanted someone to share the bills with, someone to come home to say "hi honey, I'm home" to. And 3 weeks ago he told me that he didn't want to scare me off, but I *could be* that girl. Yet as he was telling me that, he was also checking his dating profile for the other options.

Today I feel sick. I feel like throwing up. Maybe it was the chips and dip for breakfast (I've completely fallen off the fitness wagon)... I don't know, today I feel like crap and I miss him.

I miss talking to him. I miss looking forward to his funny texts or telling him funny stuff. I miss discussing movies we want to see and making plans. Last year at this time we went to a pumpkin patch with both of our kids and had a blast, had Thanksgiving & Halloween together, went to the Santa Claus Parade. We were together everyday.

This hurts like hell.

Today sucks. How can he not miss me? How can he not miss what we had and want to get to know someone else?

After the eharmony commercial part of me wanted to put an ad out there and get my mind off this. Go out on some dates. But I need to get through this pain alone before I'm ready for that. And online dating for me, was a shitty experience...so alone for now it is.

AURGH.

#2 Sep 30 - 1PM

helldweller

movingfoward

First of all, shaynasmommy, *I'm* the butt licker--not movingforward! LOL Ok, erstwhile butt licker. I totally get you movingforward. I see those commercials too and think, I'm just going to go out on some dates. After all, that's all I asked for: to go out to dinner, go to a movie, go to a ball game, go for a walk. Then I think, Nah. Just wait a while. I know how you feel when you think about the good times, and you wonder what the hell happened. We were always together, always had dinenr together, coffee in the yard every morning, with family and friends every weekend, talking about the house, the babies, the wedding. Then BAM! it was over, and he could not, in two years, admit it to me. But he COULD transfer all of those activities to his foster child, who had absolutely nothing to do with him. He traded me in for a long shot, and it's a grueling b*tch to deal with mentally and emotionally. I don't know why these men turn away from love. But they do. They just freaking do.

#3 Sep 30 - 1PM

ShaynasMommy

hmmmm...

someone to come home to and share the bills with.... translation: someone to lick his butt just for making an appearance on a regular basis and to fund his effed up narc lifestyle (re: see Jaycee's situation). I love it how they expect so much appreciation for the things they are supposed to do in a relationship, like come home every once in a while. "you could be the one." Puhleeze. Well, how could you resist THAT offer!

#4 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #10)

movingforward (not verified)

buahahahaha!

omg - someone to lick his butt, lol... SO TRUE. It was a lame offer for sure. Urgh. I'll have to read up on Jaycee's story...

#5 Sep 30 - 12PM

Briseis

It's pure hell to realize

It's pure hell to realize all those lovely wonderful times you had with him were . . . pretty much all in your own head :( He can move on after those "good times" because they weren't "good" in the same way to him. They didn't mean the same thing to him as they did to you. That is because he was scheming and conniving the whole time and is a very good actor. And in the end, you (and ALL of the rest of us :( ) fell for it hook line and sinker. It's easy to think it was something about YOU that makes it so easy for him to move on. But it's NOT you at all. He was NEVER THERE in the first place. He was stringing you along, getting you all nice and bonded with him. That's why HE seemed so happy at the time. He was in control. While you thought it was something REAL :( he had no such idea. He was just securing the supply. You got royally roasted and put on a spit. He totally f*cked you over. He is a monster. The state of mind you are in now is like a beacon to other Narcs. That's the problem with rebound relationships. Our hurt and bewilderment shines out of us, and of COURSE we are looking for someone to sweep us off our feet, a quick solution to this terrible pain. It makes you a sitting duck for another Narc, or someone with an equally nasty personality disorder. Hell, a worse one. Hang in there doll (((hugs))) How pissed off are you at what happened to you? I don't hear "pissed" I hear longing. You are longing for the manipulation of a very bad man, not for anything "good".

#6 Oct 1 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Playedwithfire

Hi Briseis

I have been reading your posts and I have learned from what you said to the others. We are so greatful to have you share with us and make us feel understood. Someone who knows my ex told me that there is no way the new gf can be his rebound (kicked him out June 1, introducing her to our kids by July 1st) because he didnt have any feelings or didnt feel the relationship as I did. Does this make sense? I was waiting for it to end because they were together so soon, but looks like its only getting better for them. How can this be? Any thoughts? Thanks Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

#7 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

movingforward (not verified)

you've hit the nail on the head, my head lol :)

I never looked at it that way Briseis . That it was all in my head. You are so right. They obviously didn't mean the same to him as they did to me. I was just supply. To me at the time, not all the time...sometimes it felt like I was filling a void till something better came along. He was so proud to show me off to his friends and family in the beginning. It was unreal. I go through phases, some days I'm pissed, some days I long, some days I push it out of my head. It rotates. I think of stuff that makes me miss him and then a memory of something shitty he did starts moving in and kind of pushes it out of the way. I think I need to take a vacation from my head. Maybe meditation wouldn't be such a bad idea for a mental break. You're also right about the rebound thing, we're magnets for new narcs, I've seen it happen to so many friends of mine and it has happened to me in the past. Onward & upward!

#8 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

Briseis

It's so true, it's like the

It's so true, it's like the inside of your head is a kaleidoscope. Shifting and shifting, different feelings from longing to rage to deep grief. They just happen, we are not in control of "feelings" per se. They are like weather. And any deliberate, structured or expressive coping tool (like meditation, exercise, writing, venting, getting outside yourself and helping another person) is going to help weather through them a lot. Over time, these kaleidoscope intense feelings diminish. I promise!! In the first few weeks, even months, they are a bugger though. And you wish they'd GO AWAY. Thing is, they are the growing pains of our hearts and minds. They are not "bad" of themselves, however painful or confusing. They are your hearts way of healing, throwing off excess energy and pain. Time to take extra good care of yourself. And time to keep your dignity, as much as you'd like to go shove him in front of a bus, or beg him to take you back, or whatever else these feelings make you want to do :)

#9 Sep 30 - 12PM

tica

Movingforward

Sorry you are felling this today, it's part of the learning..and if you bail out now, the next learning lesson will be even tougher...the withdrawals form the N addiction are so hard, but they do get easier in time..what an ass this guy is flipping through dating sites and telling you, "you could" be the one..as said here befoe, there is NEVER a ONE for the N...no one gets out unscathed..they have no empathy for their actions..no feelings except anger and shame..that shame catches up with them..my XNH spiraled after 20 years with the mask on, when he took it off, he couldn't go back..he told me to divorce him, that he couldn't help himself now, and he left everything behind and hasn't been seen by anyone in 2 years..at the time i didn't know about N's the second one was a brief year, but it was much more intense, and I'm reeling more now from the 2nd N then from my XHN, who I have children with...so you see, each time gets harder and more humiliating ..you are right, this guy is NOT worth it, YOU are ..value yourself, he does miss you, but will never show it and he values what he can not have or aspire to...be that..you are worth it..find a filler for that "down time" get out and do something for you..enough thinking about him, if he didn't see your value in the beginning, it's too late, it'll never be what you deserve. peace and light~

#10 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

movingforward (not verified)

hi tica :)

Isn't it nuts how some of us have let, not one narcissist, but two or even three into our lives? It's crazy. And it is humiliating -- more so each time. It's like being in a dream and you know your surroundings are not good, but your feet are glued down and you can't scream. We become trapped into these relationships and know we deserve better but we stayed and got kicked a few more times. Would a stronger woman have left at the first sign of a problem? Are we weak or were we just really duped by these people? I feel as though I was weak. So many women I've talked to tell me stories of how they were treated poorly by one or more guys before finally meeting their husbands and by the time they met their husbands, they'd tell the guy "listen, I'm not putting up with any crap -- so if that's what you want, good-bye" Then these guys would marry them. What's that book? Men Love Bitches? Anyways, you're right, I need to get out and do something for me. Thanks tica :)

#11 Sep 30 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

tica

I was Duped

by the first one, then while rebounding, got slammed by the 2nd one...but I got up to give him the KO as someone said here yesterday..now he sits in the ring..staring~~~ waiting~~~ for my next move..which there isn't going to be one, I already left the building..caught a train, then a a plane, then a bus and a friend picked me up...GONE..I read about your Narc history..time to stop that pattern..there are no excuses for putting up with that..NC is the only way..it helps me to know that nothing else works better, don't want to turn into a bitch over it, but if I have to, I will..

#12 Sep 30 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

movingforward (not verified)

p.s.

I've been in long term relationships with 3 narcissists. I've dated a few too but those relationships were cut short early on. Narc #1 - 5 yrs, had one daughter together...the first 4 years he controlled me, by year 5 after I paid for the house, the car, the bills, the food -- he'd come home at all hours during my pregnancy with lipstick stuck on the floor in MY car, sparkles on his shirt, his behaviour was disgusting. I walked out at 2am with our 3 month old in my arms and never looked back. Narc #2 - I was hired at an large firm for a prominent position. My boss & owner swept me off my feet within 6 months of hiring (I was hired by a manager). Following that began 4-5 yrs of off & on hell. He went back and forth between me and an older woman. At one point, he married her, she kicked him out and I still took him back. The final straw came when I was to move with him to open another branch in another state & he became engaged within a month of our break-up to 'an old friend'. We haven't spoken in 5 years. He added me to Twitter last year, I accepted then blocked him. Narc #3 - The cop. Swept me off my feet, yet had an odd addiction to msn, texting, Facebook and female 'friend's.' I repeatedly dumped him and would go NC, then either I'd contact him or he'd contact me and the cycle would continue. Yep. Nuts.

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