OH DEAR GOD!

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#1 Sep 17 - 11AM
savvylady
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OH DEAR GOD!

Oh my God..I just found out that not only is the ex a N but he is also Bi..I am sick.I have nothing against anyone who has a different life style..but he is posting on boards looking for bi unprotected sex.
I can't stop shaking..I feel violated again! I have proof in writing it is him and the replies to other men..mind you some who have wives and GF who also have no idea what their significant other is doing! I'm in tears..I hate him more than ever!!!
Do I confront him..after I go to the Dr? I am calling to make an appointment when they open the phones after lunch.
Any imput please...this isnt any kind of a joke!

Sep 17 - 5PM
Susan32
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It's the dishonesty

Dishonesty is the HUGE issue here. I don't have problems with gay or bisexual men... but when they're cheating on wives/girlfriends, playing it straight... then it's wrong, it's heartbreaking. I always thought the ex-Psych professor was gay (his biggest detractor, who virulently hated him, was an openly gay professor) He totally lacked honesty about HIMSELF. He'd say "I'm NOT GAY! I'M NORMAL!" and "I HATE gays. They're weird." He'd say nasty things about my LGBT friends. I was interviewing a gay man over the phone recently for an article, and he DENIED being gay. He said "I'm not gay. Homosexuals don't exist" right after saying he's PRIMARILY attracted to men, and has been since he was young. I told him it struck me as wrongheaded as if I denied being straight. It would be A LIE. Such dishonesty hurts people;it causes real devastation. I knew what it was like denying my own humanity, it's abuse... and it's terrible to see people living this way. This man was acting the SAME WAY as when I was with the ex-P;denying an aspect of his humanity. He was denying his homosexuality;I had denied my humanity. It's not healthy.
Sep 17 - 2PM
faith999
faith999's picture

Dear God as right Savvy Lady

If it is any consulation,you are not alone. I am going through the same exact thing.Adds on Craigs List ,AFF etc. I ask myself how in the hell did i find myself in this situation? Much compassion to you and all the others that now have to deal wth this. Faith
Sep 17 - 2PM
betty2020
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Im sorry luv and i know your

Im sorry luv and i know your shocked as hell. Please understand their sexual promiscuity knows no boundaries. Men, Women, Children, Animals, Objects as disgusting as it is. I was floored to find that i was with a child molester. A pedophile that stalked little girls on Myspace and very young prostitutes . I had no clue till the end. I know your devastation. It is all part of the personality disordered. Sad but true. Make sure to follow through with STD testing and stay close to the board right now. xoxo Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Sep 17 - 4PM (Reply to #25)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

Thru tears I type

Thru tears I type this..thank you for your support..I feel like a fool! I pray and pray he didnt give me anything..I'm scared now! I want to mash his disgusting face..how could he...I HATE HOM SO MUCH!
Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #24)
Alive
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shocking...

This is so sad. It has brought me to tears. Keep close with us. I do hope you find peace soon x
Sep 17 - 2PM
Briseis
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OMG, your poor head must be

OMG, your poor head must be rolling on the floor (((((hugs))))) Get it all out, vent it, write it and pound some pillows. Tell yourself you'll confront him LATER. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. You have to take care of YOURSELF first. Get the required testing and give vent to these horrible emotions. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What an absolute WHORE he is. It is sickening. I was one who never had a hint that my exN was whoring around the entire relationship. Not one clue. When it hit me that it had been happening all along, I wanted to kill him.
Sep 17 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

Thank you for the

Thank you for the support..yes I want to vent..yes I want to kick him in the balls and spit at him..yes I want to take a bill board out telling the whole town what he did and does..labelinghim sick means he has a curable problem..he is EVIL!
Sep 17 - 1PM
helldweller
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savvvylady

I am pretty sure mine was bi as well. Go to the doctor and don't look back. That's all we can do. I haven't gone to the doctor yet; I'm so scared. I keep sort of watching him to see if he looks like he has anything, you know? he has lost so much weight in the past year or so, Ugh. I'm so sorry, honey. So very very sorry.
Sep 17 - 1PM
sweetsamm
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GAy GAY GAY.........

Well, if it makes you feel better,when i got the phone records of my ex there were Craigslist hookers AND a ton of gay guys! I called the numbers and it was very clearly gay men...i called the one who didn't sound that gay and asked if he was married and he said 'umm,yes', i said 'have you ever been on craigslist'..'he was like,who is this....?? what do you want'...i said i was nick's wife and wanted to know why his number was all over his phone bill....he hung up and wouldn't answer again,i was soooooooooooooo grossed out!!! yuck!! I have a sneaking suspicion that he was molested by his drunk father as a child.....
Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
gettinbetter
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oh dear lord

I'm getting more freaked out by the minute. I only had sex with him once (if u could call it that) since he had e d the we didn'tcontinue. It was unprotected. Should I be worried?
Sep 17 - 12PM
foolmeonce
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TS

A TS is a transsexual. The best of both worlds a chick with a dick. So they can "pretend" they are with a girl who has really big breasts but can also have the guy parts too. The absolute most f'd up thing ever.
Sep 19 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

TS

mmm that must explain why mine wanted my arm pit hair long and my leg hair long and wanted me to wear a strap on, do ya think? wanted me to be a man and a woman at the same time, never did it are you kidding me I would never put one of those devices on I would laugh myself to death if I did. that way they can have both worlds with the same person, uggggg how sick and twisted.
Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
Used
Used's picture

foolmeonce

omg, another reality check, n used to keep pointing out a man who dress as a woman in our area, and saying always with a scowl on his face, he/she wants me, but i used to take no notice b/c he never stopped talking i used to think he said things like this for something to say, and another time, an aquantance, saying to me ,you always liked gay men didnt you?, i thought she ment the gay men in the movie world, and said yes i do, she was talking about n i know she was now, even that he used to say, about a man, would women find him attractive, till in the end i said are you a closet gay ,but i was joking, but he didnt say anything, and then telling me he had been to london, and gays had kept hitting on him, he also had a dog b/f i met him, i said to him , why did you give it away, he said i was couldnt look after him, sometime later i am chatting to a pal and she said that dog was female, i said it had a male name.duh, and she said thats all ime saying, and the woman he gave it to wont talk to him, when i said your dog was female, he said who has been telling you lies again. omg omg, i was with such a sick man. no wonder i didnt want him near me , my therapist said i must have sensed something. how does any body reach that level of perversion, how does it start and why?. to have met this man when i was young[believe it or not ,instead of my exh, cos if he was sexually perverted i never knew it] it would have killed me off, when he told me about women he had got to do this or with groups i didnt believe him, cos he was such a liar i thought he was a fantasist. my exh, noway did he lead me to believe he was ever like that, well not with me. never. i was so fortunate, haha to meet my exh first, i said once the rason i stayed with my exh so long even with all that crap, was b/c i didnt find him sexually threating. how true that was.
Sep 17 - 12PM
foolmeonce
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They are addicts

Just like a drug addict who starts with pot then moves on to coke then heroin. They start with women then whores when that thrill wears off they do guys then maybe TS's. The one I was with did this. Last time we spoke he told me how great it was to be with a TS and a guy and he and the TS went down on the guy together. Yeah sounds fun. Oh and he's married btw. Wonder when she'll join the board.
Sep 17 - 12PM
gettinbetter
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oh gosh

I know how you feel. While I am not sure about mine I have reason to suspect due to some ver sexy pics he sent me. I did think to myself that it was odd that he would have pics of himself like that. Another friend looked at them and said are you sure he's not gay? I said absolutely not as I had known him a long time ago and he was a hetrosexual serial cheater. I read that a lot of them have homosexual tendencies. The pictures he sent disturbed me for some reason. I had a feeling somethings wasn't right then when we went to be intimate I noticed that he was shaved. Also on our first time being intimate it was like porn sex from behind. Did you experience anything like this? How did you find out?
Sep 17 - 4PM (Reply to #13)
savvylady
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I went thru his phone and

I went thru his phone and then watched his behavior..He left his email up at my house and didnt know it..there was the page I didnt log in or hack it..it was open..
Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
better off
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I've heard it said that they

I've heard it said that they are ANYsexual.
Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

anysexual

and that means they will have sex with any one and that includeds animals.........what is TS
Sep 17 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
almostlydia
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Used

TS is transsexual. Makes me think of 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'. There is something more insulting and debilitating to find out the exN has spent 2 or 3 yrs with a man. I still can't quite get a grip on what it was but it certainly put the end to any more reconciliations. I watched as well and I saw enough to know he had embraced a new lifestyle in which he found it possible to never 'cheat on me with any more women'. I knew what this meant. If you figure it out let me know. The exN is now on OW number 2 after me to cover up his new lifestyle. Just a matter of time if not already that the TS comes in. Craigslist is a haven for seemingly straight men with wives or girlfriends looking for secret sex with men. I figure the exN has found his paradise. I remember the night I figured it all out, a few days after New Year's. It overwhelmed my mind for days. It still astounds me. Maybe someone can explain to us why this was enough to end things finally whereas the dozens of women were not. almostlydia

almostlydia

Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

I am still so upset! It's

I am still so upset! It's been almost 12 hours and I am still shaking. I am not one to be dramatic..I just move on and dust of my shoulders ..so to speak..I guess its the man thing I am disgusted about! He doesnt look gay/bi at all..he is a manly man..big stocky..so the stereo type fem type..never would have imagined it to be him to do something like this! I want to scream it to the whole world to hear..I want his hunting buddies to know..I want his family to know..But I wont do that! I dont want to get involved in any legal issues...Im just hurt/violated/disgusted/and I feel like my skin is crawling! I have the heebie jeebie creeps! I will never trust another man again..done kapoots..I thought I was a good jugde of character..OMG I AM GROSSSED OUT! Sorry about babbling..I just dont have coherant words!
Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I know how u feel. The

I know how u feel. The thought of it gives me the creeps I just wish there was a way I could find out for sure so I could just deal with it its the not knowing for sure that has my mind going crazy. Mine is quite masculine too so there no outward signs. Do you mind if I ask if your sex life with him seemed odd in any way?
Sep 17 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Competing with another gender

It's easy to see one's self in rivalry with other women... but if you're competing with other men, you're up against a whole other gender. Between women, it's a battle of equals, of a sort. But there's an inequality in men vs. women (and TS really confuses things) The ex-Psych professor would talk about living with 7 other men when he lived in Virginia, and the ONLY professor who seemed to have gone through the idealization/D&D cycle with him was the openly gay one. His favorite Tolstoy quotes were blatantly misogynistic. Tolstoy would say he was more comfortable with men (despite fathering 13 kids with his wife), and that "moral love" was impossible between men&women, but possible only between men. The ex-P would flaunt his circle of male followers... and he D&D'd me for a masculine woman who was basically his clone (whoever told me his Ideal Woman was a lesbian, I owe them a round of drinks) He HATED it when I looked feminine, but loved it when I looked tomboyish. He'd call me a slut when I wore a dress (civilized gay men design dresses, or critique them like Tom Gunn) The ex-P preferred male professors to female ones, and treated male students far better than female ones. It's an unfair fight. Your rivalry is with an ENTIRE GENDER, not other women. I wasn't man enough to be the ex-P's woman.
Sep 17 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

savvylady

so sorry to hear this, but at least you know now what a dredge this lowlife is, and better off is so right, their credo is, deny deny deny, there is a footballer in uk, who,s picture was in the newspapers, him virtual naked,on mobile he said to his wife the phone wasent his!!!. they are divorced now. she is one strong woman.
Sep 17 - 11AM
better off
better off's picture

Don't know your story, but I

Don't know your story, but I wouldn't confront him. For what purpose? It will be a horrible conversation. He will do probably ALL of the following: A) Deny it no matter how pathetic or weak of a story he gives... like say it's someone pretending to be him in order to destroy him or something insane like that.. or simply claim over and over he has no knowledge of it no matter what you can "prove," probably making you go crazy with anger and then he'll say you're a psycho. B) Claim you are psycho C) Say he did it, but it was just a joke; he was just goofing around; it was just for shock value; he wasn't going to act on it. E) Claim he has an addiction so you should feel sorry for him and be there for him now. D) BLAME YOU for it, because if you had been adequate sexually he wouldn't have to do this. This, in fact, JUST happened to a good friend of mine who was dating this "great guy" and she had no idea this was going on. And he responded just like that. They're all the same. You say this IS an ex, right? Don't confront. Save it for a lawyer if you are getting divorced, but don't confront.
Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

Ok that brought a lot to

Ok that brought a lot to light ..your right. He is a guy I dated for 2 years after not dating for 4. I was divorced and after it needed to heal and be whole..then I met him..Oh how nice he was..then BAM..the N came out! We broke up for good about 6 weeks ago. Thank you for your post!
Sep 17 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
better off
better off's picture

I'm so sorry you had to find

I'm so sorry you had to find that out. I'm sure it's devastating. Just let it be a sign that this relationship is indeed OVER, and now if he ever tries to hoover you, you will be less likely to go back. As hard as it is, it's best to shut the door on him as well, and not look for anymore information like this so you can move forward. It sounds like you know as much as you need to about him. :( I wish you well in your healing.
Sep 17 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
savvylady
savvylady's picture

I am blocking him from

I am blocking him from contacting me on eveything..he lives 40 min away! I dont feel he would come here.. NO MORE DATING FOR ME! Anyone can pretend to be anything on the internet..If I ever decided to date again..it wont be a personals ad or the EHAR@&y..My stomache is still in knots!