HELP!!! Completely messed up today...

So... you've learned just how cruel & emotionless they can be. It's shocking right? It hurts like a bitch too, huh? It's hard to believe that this person is the one who treated you so well in the beginning. You now know just how sick he is and boy does it hurt. And to top it all off, I'm sure he's loving the attention... any attention to a narc is supply. He doesn't care that you're in pain... he's just loving the attention. And from two women! I was so in love with my ex that when we called off our engagement I didn't think I was going to live through the experience. I cried my eyes out for MONTHS. And to top it off the once loving man turned into an emotionless robot that only cared about his needs and he walked away with zero responsibility. I was at rock bottom... and I can tell you that you will make it through this. One day at a time. It's up to you to decide when you will be done letting him hurt you. Only you can make that decision... but it will happen. In the meantime, let the tears flow.

Dear Kelbel, Grief can be a long process and there are no shortcuts. The quickest way to move along is to get honest with yourself and share as you have been doing. This is great, it helps with validation, realizing that it is not your fault (no matter WHAT they say) and sorting out the insanity of these situations we lived with for so long. This man is playing with you. HE is not thinking about you right now. HE is thinking about how you gave HIM the boot and HE suffered because of you and now HE has someone else so HE can throw it in your face and put you down and make you think that this is somehow your fault and HE is blameless. These types of people NEED to remain blameless no matter how obvious it is to us and continue to point the finger elsewhere. He thinks he is in control now and although he behaved as a child most of the time, he now thinks he is on top of his game and he no longer needs you as his primary supply, so you can take a hike. UNTIL, he screws up his current situation (and he will because he is a nutcase) and comes crawling back to you. This is what they do over and over again. The beauty of this site is that we can fortify ourselves as allies and when they come back we no longer need or want them because we now know what NC is. NC definitely speeds up the grief process because we have a LOT of trouble beginning the grieve process when we stay in contact with them. Try to stop the contact as soon as you are able because these horrible emails and talks with him when he is being nothing short of cruel with you only prolong the process. This is what I believe in my heart and you will hear many suggestions on here which is great and different opinions. My best thoughts for you today, Kelbel are that you keep sharing on here, cry if you need to, get angry when you need to, and stop all contact with this man right now. He will only keep hurting you while he is with another woman and apparently he is enjoying this sense of control and you deserve a start at a fresh new life, where you are the center of attention for awhile, and an opportunity to clear your head from this man's negative and self serving influence. You are in my prayers today. God bless, Goldie

You have to stop contacting him. You just played into his sick and twisted mind! He WANTS to hear that you can't live without him, that you are crying, etc. Change your habits and do some things for YOURSELF. Move on with your life - it is all you can do! Please stop focusing on him. I promise it will get better in time!

If he's threatened a murder/suicide, then you MUST be NC. Your life and health are too precious. I had to go NC for safety reasons as well. Making threats like that aren't to be toyed with. You HAVE to stay away from him... for YOUR sake.

Kelbel he threatened to kill you and you still want to be with him?! Enough is enough! You don't deserve someone like this! and I bet when she sees his true side she'll drop him and he'll contact you in a heartbeat! CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! You can't make sense of him or what he says or what he does.HE'S NOT NORMAL! The pain will lessen. I promise! Listen to the country song by Martina McBride about how we all stumble fall and get back up again. Very inspiring!

It's hard to tell sometimes which is worse-- an N/P telling you cruel things on purpose, or them just freezing you out like that. He was being incredibly callous. You wanted an adult, civil conversation--he's your ex-husband, you had a marital relationship--and he shuts you out as if nothing happened. During the D&D, my ex-P told me to stop calling him at home (because I had dared to reveal my feelings)... and in hindsight, I realized it was because the girlfriend had moved in, and that would've been something awkward HE would've had to explain. So, instead of being an honest adult with you, he runs away from you, changing his number and email. What a coward.

I can't speak to this because when I divorced my husband he completely didn't want it ( he is alcoholic and bipolar) and he still is angry about it and wants to be together. I know someone on this board knows exactly what you are going through and you are going to get tons of help. I am going to send hugs and pray for you.