Day 8 of NC

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#1 Jul 15 - 6AM

Happy1

Day 8 of NC

I really don't know how I feel today. I guess I'm just so anxious about the weekend that that's what has been on my mind. That and Friday knowing that my N will be at the Cub Scout Camp. I'm not going but I still feel anxiety. I did tell my son that we were not going on the boat again. He has been asking me and I'm not going to lie to him. But I did say that the N was not nice to mommy and that's why we are not going. I don't know if that was wrong but I see my son approaching the N and asking him why he can't go on the boat and why was mean to me. My son is very outgoing and isn't shy one bit. I don't know if I should say something to my son but he did ask if he could say 'hi' to the N on Friday and I said 'yes'. I didn't want my son to think this was about him in any way.
So day 8 I'm just here and hanging. I just want a job.

#2 Jul 15 - 10AM

ewa

I am happy you are over 1

I am happy you are over 1 week NC now. I am 16 days NC and on one side i feel better , but as i said in my last post I am getting so angry..I hope you will not give up and keep going. I am looking forward to your post about 2 weeks NC..You are almost there :)!

#3 Jul 15 - 10AM

Amy

Weekends are always harder

At least for me. Then I have to think about what he's doing (probably at a strip club), am I going to run into him at the store, was that his car/truck? etc... It has helped to spend lots of time with friends! Congrats on hitting day 8! You will be ok - it will get better!

#4 Jul 15 - 9AM

naivenomore

You Did the Right Thing

I think you handled the question perfectly. Children 'know' and only ask for validation of what they already feel, IMO. When they ask, they are ready to know and you gave your son a reality answer. Hiding this from him would not have helped him in his own mind. About the boat thing, any chance you could set him up in a 'boat' course of some sort? I know up here we have canoe/kayak/sailing camps.

#5 Jul 15 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

Happy1

thank you chickadee999, I'm

thank you chickadee999, I'm very worried about my son right now and what I did to him by getting involved with the N. He loved boaters beach in Indiana because he loves looking for fossil rocks. You can only go there by boat unfortunately. I will figure something out for him. I feel bad because that is something he truly enjoyed and I'm taking it away from him. He also loved sleeping on the M's boat on the weekends but again I have to find something else. I hope I don't screw my son up taking things away like this.

#6 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

naivenomore

It's an object, not a person

Please keep in mind that the boat is an object and what your son really enjoyed wasn't the N, but the thrill of a boat ride. I agree that you GAVE him something that he will understand later, if not now. Your son doesn't need to be near this creep so you're doing the right maternal thing by protecting him.

#7 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

Happy1

I will try to remember this

I will try to remember this but still have feelings that I'm a bad mom.

#8 Jul 15 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

Lisa E. Scott

Sad

What?! You are doing the right thing for your son. You are a great mother! Keep up the good work!

#9 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

Steph

You haven't taken anything

You haven't taken anything away. By getting rid of the ass that treats you like shit you have GIVEN your son back his mother.

#10 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

Happy1

I'm not back though... my

I'm not back though... my son says I'm no fun and all I do is lay in my bed or on the couch and he's right. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I have been in this funk for a long time and now I'm worse with NC.

#11 Jul 15 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

Steph

you are closer to being back

you are closer to being back now than you were before you went no contact. It doesn't feel like it now, but it's only been a week. Be patient with yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Your feeling now are a normal reaction. Be proud of this action you have taken for yourself and your son. You will be back.

#12 Jul 15 - 8AM

helldweller

sad1

About the boat: I was in the exact same situation, as you know. I told them flat out why, just simply and to the point like you did. Then I made it a point to do a lot of other things with them that were also really cool. I wished so much and still do that I could buy a boat for them to be on, because I feel sad that they had so much fun on the narc's and they see him taking his "child" on the boat every weekend and they sort of stare after them wistfully. Some things, however, are not meant to be. At least not right now. I agree that your son should certainly say hello to the n if he wants to. I would be careful, though, that the N doesn't use your son's innocence as a tool against you: being nice to him so he wonders why mommy left such a nice man, etc. My narc is a total foul bastard. When he first D&Dd me, he told my daughters to stay away from his house, that they couldn't play on his steps anymore. He used to be so sweet with them. What a disgusting man. Your narc will probably be the same but he may use disgusting fake nice ammo, too, so . . .

#13 Jul 15 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

neveragain5

Sad1

Congratulations on day 8! You are sounding stronger by the day! The weekends are so hard and sometimes I find myself looking forward to them because it is my down time, but usually after one day off, I am looking forward to going back to work. I don't know how old your son is, but my nephew who's nine, asked me what happened. He is a very perceptive little man and he told me later that he didn't like my ex. I took the opportunity to discuss with him bullying and how sometimes even adults get bullied and that bullying comes in different forms.

#14 Jul 15 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Happy1

Thank you helldweller and

Thank you helldweller and neveragain5, I guess my biggest concern is my son asking the ballsack N why he can't go on the boat anymore. It makes me very nervous and the N was never nice to my son. Also, my son may ask why he was mean to me and that could sent the N off. My ex will be there but I hope my son doesn't take off to go say 'hi' to him. My ex really doesn't understand any of this. I've tried very hard to explain it even this morning, but he doesn't get it. I told him all the things the N has told me over and over again and cut me down so much I don't feel like me any longer. He has called me a child, insecure, jealous, crazy, no one will ever want me... you name it and he's said it. My ex said I'm none of those things and I'm the most responsible person and strong person he's ever known. I have been crying because I don't see what he sees. He said he is coming over tomorrow to help me get out the house. Now, my ex is very unreliable but has a big heart and is gay. He is also an alcoholic so he has a lot of his own issues and I've had to put a wall up there as well. But we don't and never do cut each other down like the N ever has. We have always tried to support each other and probably have a better relationship than most ex's do. Also, I ran into my N's ex-wife dropping my son off at Cub Scout camp today and she wants to go to the waterpark with us on Saturday. Her and the N's son. She's got a huge heart and has been telling me to stay strong and get out. She knows he's a narcissist. She was married to him for 14 years and he cheated on her a lot. She only knows of one instance but he told me very proudly all the cheating he did on her. I never want to hurt her more by telling her the truth but he's a huge asshole. I think I will be in bed today but I did pay another bill when i got home today.

#15 Jul 15 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

Steph

And yet even more

And yet even more confirmation for you that your ex is a huge ass - his ex wife is on your side too! Congrats on Day 8!!! " My ex said I'm none of those things and I'm the most responsible person and strong person he's ever known. I have been crying because I don't see what he sees." You are strong and taking responsibility for your life! We can see that here too:) Hang in there today:) xoxo

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