Issues with Fireguy at the gym

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 12 - 1PM

angelgal

Issues with Fireguy at the gym

Well, I've been trying to go to the gym again and said to myself that I was not going to let Fireguy stop me. Well, luckily, I haven't had to see him much the past weeks up until yesterday and today! Today, he came up from the weightroom, so I decided to make my exit because he has made it so awkward for me. Apparently, he was ready to leave, too. And came out a minute behind me. I got in my car and he came outside to leave, when he saw me, he walked around the entire building so he wouldn't pass by my car. WHY??? He could've waited for me to leave? Its like he did it on purpose to make me feel like I'm the "bad guy" in this situation! So, I totally lost it and texted him what I thought of his little charade!!

Here is the texts:

"I had to laugh my whole ride home! Seeing you walk around the building to avoid me was too funny! First, WOW, what a coward! Second, don't flatter yourself, I would never try to talk to you! Your not all that! Ur no prize! Ur the biggest liar, cheater, selfish USER I have ever met! And CHEAP! All the times I pleased you and u could not do one nice thing for me! U r horrible and I'm glad its (the gf's name) with you and not me!

"Unfortunately, I met u at the gym and will have to deal with it if I want to continue to go. Ur a liar and a very hurtful person! I never did anything to hurt u and was always honest and caring of you and did everything to please you! You knew what you were doing all along! Its never OK to use someone with a gf or without! But you seemed to think it was and that makes you a very ugly person! So, stop flattering yourself and walking around buildings, I don't want you! I want a good guy!!

I know I probably shouldn't have bothered, we know it won't make a bit of difference...but I have been trying so hard to continue to go and not let him ruin everything for me...but he is making me feel bad, like everything was my fault! He makes me sick! I'm stuck in a hard place! I hate him but I love my workout! UGH!! We should both be able to just go and act like we never knew each other and leave it at that!

#2 Mar 14 - 1PM

rache

He

could care less what you think.The only way he see's this,is,YOU were affected by him-meaning-he thinks you CARE.He could care less.

#3 Mar 12 - 10PM

nycsurvivor

By texting him...

it is showing him that you care, although you say you don't care. It's like texting/emailing/calling someone, "I don't want to be in touch with you again." I agree with Barbara that it was the highlight of not only his week, but his entire month. Plus, if you're going to send anything negative to a guy, less is more. They do not have the attention to read a long rant and rave. But with Ns, the best approach is to treat him as though he does not exist.

#4 Mar 12 - 1PM

Barbara (not verified)

angelgal

he was trying to get a reaction from you with his behavior. he succeeded do NOT do this again act as if he's invisible and dead from NOW ON!! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#5 Mar 12 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

angelgal

But, why a reaction, Barbara?

He made it very clear that he didn't want me!! Why would he want me to react? A friend of mine thinks he is a coward and just can't face me? To walk around the entire building, to me, means I've had some affect on him?! Not that he's in love with me, but that he doesn't want to see me as much as I don't want to see him!

#6 Mar 12 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

quietude (not verified)

gym

I've worked in a gym as a trainer many moons ago... Why don't you go up to one of the super-juiced-up, ROID-RAGING hulks and tell them, "See that guy over there? He's been checking you out. I wouldn't go into the bathroom alone if I were you, he's been known to follow guys like you in there. Have a nice day"! He'd be toast. ;) I know...I'm bad...and silly...

#7 Mar 12 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

moving on

agreed

His mission was accomplished. He wanted a reaction from you. You do everything you can to avoid him. What will make your texting him worse is when he doesn't respond. Then you just get more frustrated. At least that is what use to happen with me. Then it's a slippery slope from there. I would stop going to that gym to be honest.

#8 Mar 12 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

angelgal

I don't get why he would want me to react, Movingon?

I just don't get WHY he would want a reaction from me? He doesn't want me! He didn't reply back to my texts, and that was no surprise, but I know he gets them and I'm not frustrated about it. I know when I have sent texts in the past telling him what I thought of him, his reply was, "you said some pretty hurtful things to me"! LOL Not half as bad as what he has done to hurt me! I have done everything I can to avoid him but he has done enough to hurt me, I can no longer let him hurt my workouts. I agree, I probably should stop going to the gym...and let myself truly heal but I'm hoping that he will stop now? We are BOTH lifetime members, so it sux, if he doesn't go next week then I will go, but if he is there, I will re-evaluate things. Today, just pissed me off and made me realize even more how lucky I am to not be with him!

#9 Mar 12 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

itreallyisabouthim

Why would he want a reaction?

Because attention - any attention - is narcissistic supply for him. You are telling him he matters and is powerful, even by telling him he doesn't matter and holds no power. He could very well be acting as if he wants no attention precisely because that is what has the best chance of succeeding and getting him attention. It worked, right?

#10 Mar 12 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

neveragain

Don't Try to Apply Logic to a Narcissist!

Asking "why" never helps us deal with this because the answer to ANY question that starts with "why" can be answered one way: BECAUSE HE'S A NARCISSIST! Your emotional reaction and frustration is very understandable. It's what you DO with those emotions that's key. He wanted a response from you because he's a Narcissist. You responded with texts that even though they're negative (and well written) it's giving him ATTENTION. Any attention they get is a "win" for them. WHY? Because they're NARCISSISTS. neveragain

#11 Mar 12 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

angelgal

Attention is a win for them, Neveragain

I never thought of it this way before. I really just thought he was being rude and trying to make me feel bad and bad about myself and not wanting attention so he walked around the building. But you're right, by him doing that, he brought attention to himself that he hoped would get me to react in some way, possibly. Its like he was testing to see if I would react or not?? Oh, I really see the light now!! He is a sociopath and pathological liar! Its all about HIM! His ATTENTION, his ego, I get it! Its one of his sick games!

#12 Mar 12 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

quietude (not verified)

agree

Agree with the comments above ~ There are many rounds of verbal ammo I'd love to direct toward my ex, but then he'd know I care in 'some' way, and he'd be happy he hurt me. Being oblivious to him being alive is the only way to deal with an N. Even if you do still do to the gym, he's invisible to you. He's a total creep to do this, my money is on the fact that he wanted you to see him avoiding you and making it obvious.

#13 Mar 12 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

angelgal

He wanted you to see him avoiding you and making it obvious...

I was thinking that this is true and that by him doing this, it was to cause me more pain. He really gets off on hurting me, I feel.

#14 Mar 12 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

Barbara (not verified)

angelgal

they get off on hurting everyone they can... NO CONTACT ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#15 Mar 12 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

angelgal

they literally FEED off of your reaction... he will do whatever - no matter how bizarre and think nothing of it -- but getting your text was the HIGHLIGHT OF HIS WEEK!!! He got you to react... YAY HIM!!! that's what they LIVE for - reactions from people - negative/ positive doesn't matter - just please REACT for the vampire!! and you did! He's NOT NORMAL and NOT HUMAN... you must stop stop stop thinking of him that way or it will NEVER sink in that you were dealing with a MONSTER. http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/04/malignant-narcissists-shock-tactics.html doesn't matter he doesn't want you - he STILL got you to REACT. He knows you PAID ATTENTION TO HIM. He's in heaven. Attention is their crack-cocaine, their meth... attention - and they will do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET IT! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#16 Mar 12 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

angelgal

Thanks, Barbara

I appreciate everything you wrote above! I have realized that he is definitely NOT normal and that ONLY a monster would've treated me this way! I guess I just got confused when he was so bizarre and walked around the building. Everything you said made great sense and helped me understand so much better. Its all about the attention, he gets off on it, I get it now! Thanks!! xoxo

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