I Married my Father
I Married my Father
I married my father and became my mother. After 27 years of marriage to a Narcissist, I finally understand the hell that has been my life. It all makes sense now and making sense out of complete and utter chaos is healing beyond all measure.
After a whirlwind and incredibly romantic courtship on the heels of his first marriage, I married a Narcissist. He had it all. He was smooth talking, good looking, charming, funny, interesting, and intelligent. We were married after 7 months of dating. He was in a hurry. Now I know he was in a hurry because it was exhausting him to keep up the facade. Within the first week of our marriage he punched the wall just because, during the move, I lost track of a cheap little J.C. Penney necklace he gave me while we were dating. I remember lying in bed that night, tears rolling down my face because I felt so lost and confused. Who was this man?
We are now separated after 27 years of a living hell and being codependent with a Narcissist. He exploited my codependency, used gas lighting to convince me I was crazy, he rewrote history, and he cheated on me from the start. At times over the years, I would tell him he was like my father, who physically, emotionally, and mentally abused me, my mother, and my 5 siblings. I resented my Mom for years because I could not understand how a mother could subject her children to abuse. Why didn't she leave? Now I can see that I married my father and became my mother and I could not leave either even though many of our arguments were over how he was to our 3 children and what I could see his emotional and mental abuse as well as rage issues were doing to them and me. Just like my father who finally left the family he abused and poisoned and started a new family with a much younger woman with 2 small children, my husband cheated on me with a younger woman with 2 small children, his latest conquest, and left me and plans to marry her. God help her and her twin 4 year old boys. Reality is that did my the biggest favor that anyone could ever do. Now I can live.
We all know what life with a Narcissist feels like. I know I have a codependent personality so after our divorce is final in April, I know that I will need plenty of time to heal and consistent therapy is a must. I am thinking about starring in my own journey based on the book "Eat, Pray, Love." As sad and anguished that I am over losing 27 years and almost losing my mind, I have to focus on my 3 wonderful children and 2 grand babies. I HAVE to focus on and accentuate the positive in my life. I have to move through my negative emotions and then move on to happy, healthy days and create beautiful memories for myself and my family minus one big ugly narcissist. Real love and peace to all of you, There is hope for us.
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