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#1 Jan 16 - 2PM
moving on
moving on's picture

New Information

I am sure you wonderful ladies deal with this issue all the time so I wanted to ask how you deal with it. When you find out new information about your former Narc, how do you deal with it? It makes me angry all over again and want to get revenge. And this is after making strides of progress with NC and mentally getting over it. For example, last night one of my friends told me a few more of his ex-girlfriends names and to my surpise I knew 2 of them! Just the fact that I am in a long line of girls that were screwed makes me mad. Also the fact that I know these girls makes me want to contact them and ask what really went down. It's almost like I want to compile some sort of scrapbook with each detail of every single wrong he committed to women in his life and deliver it to not only him but his current and I'm sure future girlfriends. My friend told me that he is a complete man-whore and uses women a lot. She says he has fucked up every relationship and none of them have ended well. That's cus that man is crazy! Another thing is I hear a lot of posts saying that the Narc still contacts you even though you ignore him. My self-esteem takes an even harder hit knowing that this man NEVER tried to contact me after our last communication in November. He ignored me when I saw him on New Year's AND he basically has pretended like I don't exist and am not even important enough to respond to. I know that this is a VERY GOOD THING that he is not contacting me and I have the freedom to move on with my life. I just want some control back and since I won't ever see the money he borrowed from me, I want to know that he regrets being a douche. I don't believe in rebounding with anyone else and I am fine alone. I have been alone for a majority of my life and never been in an adult relationship because frankly I haven't met any adult men (not referring to age but maturity-wise). I turn 25 on Monday and this is a great time to start fresh with a new year as well. It just hurts knowing how honest I was about my feelings when I talked to him...even by feeding his ego when I told him I thought he was the one. Possibly the most naive comment made in my life. But I never lied or played games and he never appreciated that. I'm sticking with the NC and keeping him blocked. One of my friends suggested unblocking him from FB since we know he will never contact me but to make sure he sees pics of me with my guys friends and that I'm enjoying my life without him...which I truly am!!!What do you think about that? Emotions suck...why can't we just be robots?

Jan 16 - 6PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Mine doesn't contact me

Mine doesn't contact me. That's a good thing. They all don't have to contact. I think I left a very bad taste in the mouth of my N. In the end, I left him & engaged him very little. The "engagement" is what they thrive on. Be flattered that he feels that he cannot manipulate you to get from you what he wants. It's not about your not being good enough to contact. It's about him not thinking he's gonna get what he wants from you, therefore, you're not worth contacting. One cannot use normal psychology on these guys. That just enables them and frustrates you. He's playing with a different deck of cards and another set of rules. We can't even begin to understand the internal life of these guys. They don't think like people who possess empathy. They are different. Stop thinking about him.
Jan 16 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Very well said!!

Very well said!!
Jan 16 - 4PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

here's how

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/01/16/dealing-your-anger http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/07/angry-narcissist http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/06/nothing-bothers-him-i-wish-i-were-more.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 16 - 3PM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Moving On

I know how it is when you unintentionally hear something about the narc, the emotions it unleashes. You need to let your friends know that you don't want to hear anything about the narc good or bad. You know now how good NC has been, and how much progress it has let you make. As for him not contacting you, mine hasn't really tried to contact me either. I know this because I thought my email was blocked, but I did get one from him telling me he got something I shipped to him. I see what you mean, on one hand it's kind of a blow to the ego, but on the other, and this is the one we need to focus on, is the freedom. We aren't having to deal with all of his bullshit. We aren't having to hear how happy they are without us, or how worthless we are. We also don't have to hear any lies about how they miss us. When I read what some of the ladies here are going through my heart cries for them. Especially the ones that have kids with the narc. Don't unblock him on FB. You really don't want to know, and if you are doing it for game-playing, you will not win. It will just hinder your progress in the long run.
Jan 16 - 3PM
4joys4
4joys4's picture

He probably knows it is

He probably knows it is bothering you that he hasnt called so he's using it to trigger you. Everything is done for a reason. Mine used to tell me to call him, then when I did he'd tell me to go away. Then he phoned me all nicey nice. Next call he tells me to go away. The only control I'll ever get is to move on. 4Joys4 has left the building! But I know the pain of wanting him to call and he doesnt. And I know the confusion when you dont want him to call and he keeps calling. Seems like wherever I'm at, he does the opposite to try to pull me in.
Jan 16 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Moving On You Haven't Accepted Him for Who He Is

Until you accept him for WHO HE IS,,, a sociopath,,,whose circle of woman AND FRIENDS revolve according to his needs, you will be angry. He is a Narc. A Sociopath. A Psychopath. However you want to phrase it, he is not a good individual for you to be around. Until you really see,,,,and understand the depth of his disfunction,,can you be screaming 'yahoo' that he is out of your life, and get away from the anger. The anger, we feel it too, is in having invested so much time, feelings, faith, hopes, dreams, finances, with these guys. There is no way they could EVER deliver what you were hoping from him. HE IS NOT CAPABLE. Until you talk to people, and understand this, you will be angry 'at him'. He is not worth your time. Or your energy. At all.