Feeling impulsive

Feeling the urge to reach out to my x. I woke up with the obsessions and I'm still sitting here in it. I've been there done that tried this tried that and nothing is working at all. I have only reached out three times and hats enough to let me know he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I don't want to be this insane yet am the one who is so self absorbed I cant stop from wanting to reach out. I'm so sad