thinking....

I don't know why, some things in my life I can find comfort in the ' it happened for a reason ' category.
The relationshit with the exN, I cannot.
Nomatter how I try to convince myself, chant it, try to believe and understand that concept in this situation.
I simply cannot justify it at this time in my life.
Had it happened before I aged, before I started a family, before I switched and halted my career, then yes I could have said whew! it happened for a reason! Now I can go have the life I want and deserve. Lesson learned.
I think there was absolutely no reason, no benefit, and no excuse for it to have happened.
But it did, and now I need to figure out what the point of this lesson is now when what needed to be the best years of my life are gone, never to be undone or benefitted from.
I do not say it was a waste, I had my child out of it and as a nurse and care giver helped a whole lot of people better their lives.
But still....what is there now for me? There will never be another child, a first marriage, a first house, a life long successful career.
What's next that is so vital I needed to learn a lesson for?