It's time to be strong...

I had to come here to post because I am having ALOT of anxiety about this weekend coming up.

I have a very close friend who lost her life to Breast cancer this weekend.....She is very well known in our small town and has been fighting for a few years she was so very young she was only 37.

I am going to her celebration of life this Sat. Im struggling so much because she was also very good friends with my EXN and his wife and family. I know there is going to be hundreds of people at her funeral. I'm trying so hard to not make this about me and how this has got to be all about celebrating her life and NOT my EXN. Im so scared though..to see them. To see the happy family they so badly try to portray. Im scared he is going to try to talk to me. I'm scared what people are going to think. ALOT of our mutual friends have known about our relationship. I'm scared because both our families and kids will all be in the same place at the same time. I havent talked to him at all for over a month now. I have been feeling really good going to my meeting and classes I have been taking. I feel SO selfish for being so scared about this. Ive thought about NOT going but I feel like I need to also support MY Sister-N-Law as it was her BEST FRIEND. On one hand I feel scared to death and on the other I want to go show how HAPPY and STRONG I can be withought him in my life even if that means going home that night and crying my eye balls out!.
Gosh Im soo conflicted..I feel like i'm playing with fire.
I think I just have to change the way I'm thinking about it. Maybey it wont be as bad or scarey as Im dreaming up. Anyway thank you for listening I had to get this out to people who wont judge me...

Thank You
Justme