Apology Email

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#1 Dec 17 - 10PM

Anonymous (not verified)

Apology Email

(sorry this is soooooo long ladies- forgive me)

For those of you who 'know' me know that I had a narc male friend who really started to kick me when i was down. The month after my narc dumped me I was barely functional... not eating, sleeping, crying constantly, drinking- and I am NOT a drinker, and not focusd on work.... just a complete mess.

During that time I turned to a 'friend' who was Mr. Rescuer when I was with my narc.

The second that I was dumped this guy's mask came off! I was completely shocked. He made "jokes" about me that really hurt. He even laughed at me for being nearly 40 and without children. He KNEW that was the main reason I was clinging so tightly to my narc... the chance for a child. He took the thing that hurt me most and made fun of it... actually laughed. Called me "an old lady"

He even had me convinced that he and i could possibly have something special and then turned around the next day and send me a pic of a naked girl who was visiting town and he told me he couldn't wait to "have some of that." He said things to me I just can't repeat here. Bottom line he kicked and spit on me (figuratively speaking) when I had not an ounce of energy to defend myself bc I was in so much emotional and physical pain (i developed tremendous joint aches for a few months after my narc left... they are just starting to subside).

This 'friend' even told me, "ashamed that such a pretty girl like you is so messed up.... why do you look for men who abuse you? ROTFL" ((WHAT?!? I never looked for abusive men... I got CONNED into being with an abusive man))

Yeah... nice guy.

I DID have the energy to go no contact on him in the beginning of August.

Since that time he deleted me as a friend from facebook (yea!!!!). i have gotten mean texts calling me arrogant... "you think you are miss perfect... I'm glad you're gone- you did me a favor".. telling me that I am shallow and since I tend to only date rich men- I would be better suited to be an escort rather than a doctor. Sent me a link to a website of escorts and told to submit my pic so that I can get hired and get a sugardaddy... just really inappropriate, nasty sexual stuff. At one point he sent a text reminding me that he has a pic of the two of us (i was being silly in the pic)... however if it were seen by hospital execs or the other docs within my practice it would certainly be frowned upon. I felt like he was blackmailing me into reestablishing contact... however I STILL remained NC.

These past 4 months I have ignored all of his bullying.

Yesterday I got sent the following email:

"All I want for Christmas is a chance to make up with my good friend Jessika, I so miss you, I am so deeply sorry that I hurt you, I hope we can find away to have faith in the sincerity of our relationships and forgive my moments of ill fate words or just plain stupidity. I hope you are happy and wish nothing but gods blessings

Love ,
~Narcissistic Asshole~

He has tried all other strategies and so now after 5 months he decided to try an apology! WHATEVER!!!!

God!??!?!? I am shocked he even knows how to spell the word. This guy doesn't have any religious beliefs... he loves collecting women and feeding his addiction (sex).

#2 Dec 20 - 12PM

nolongerafixer

jessica

DO NOT SEND THE EMAIL. STAY NC. We`ve all learned NC is best. If you truly want rid - NC. NC. NC. Negative supply is still a form of supply to a narc. Rise above it and dont give him another moment of your precious time! END OF.

#3 Dec 20 - 11AM

Carolyn

This is a seriously damaging

This is a seriously damaging male. He might see you as a successful professional and someone who is easily battered emotionally. you had extremely strong reactions to a break-up, most people do. You are open and honest about the drinking, lack of job interest, and your imploding. While you were in need of support and comfort he attacked you. The escort referral, the sadistic treatment, the menacing about the photo might mean that he is a sadist. the photo is blackmail and really doesn't exist as a threat to you. I worked for a lawyer and naked picures of his fiancee were sent to every lawyer in the firm by her ex husband. the managing partner went to every office collected the manilla envelopes, no one opened them, no one spoke about it, and I have no idea what my boss did about it. He married the woman and they have two children. Another office I worked in received photos of an elected official with a prostitute taken in a motel. No one mentioned it, it never affected the man's career, and whoever sent these sent them to a lot of people including the media and it never became any issue. His wife also got one and they stayed married. Don't fear the photo and maintain a NO CONTACT ever from this man. he is a threat to you, a predator, and totally toxic. I mentioned a visit to a private investigator might help you. If you have any e-mails, the photo or any other evidence that you are being stalked you might put it all in a file.

#4 Dec 20 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

Jessika (not verified)

Thanks Carolyn and Nolongerafixer

... he is crazier than I am smart~ so I would never come out on top. You are right. I AM afraid about the photo. It wasn't pornographic or anything. Howevever, I AM afraid that if other profressionals saw it it would make them view me differently. When you described that you knew of people who had such photos distributed Carolyn... that make me nervous. He knows the hospital I work at and the private practice. That does scare me--- that was why I wanted to let him know that I have in writing his promise never to share those. I will maintain NC and hopefully he will go away. I can't tell you how much I dislike this guy. I really trusted him and liked him so much when his mask was on. Even thought that he was the kind of man I should be with since he was SOOOoooo emotional, deep, and 'loving'-- ugh! Then when my N dumped me and I was SOOOooo depressed, he pounced on me like a lion on a doe. I could see how much he was enjoying making fun of me. So much laughter was coming from him. Each time I tried to muster up the courage to tell him to cut it out... it became, "you are too sensitive" or "I am just another man who you scrutinize .... you need some serious help." The whole time making fun of my age..."guess no baby for Jessika, now~ don't worry, I'll do ya- I make beautiful babies." I'm just SOOOOO angry with him and I want to f ing punch him in the face... this LOSER!!!! When we were friends (a month before he showed his ass) he asked me for 10 grand. Told me that since N has tons of money and that I have a good job I should help him out until he got on his feet. Initially I was going to do it, however when I said yes he became really demanding. "Well... when are you going to send it!" "I need it now" "Take it to my bank and deposit it into my account!" Never within that did he say, thank you OR I appreciate the help OR let's talk about when I will pay you back. SO THANKFULLY, I said "X... I'm no longer comfortable doing this... I think you should ask your family" Then he switched and said... I was just kidding about the money anyway. I wouldn't take such a large amount of money from anybody... I don't need it anyway. LIAR!!! Guys, I have the same amount of anger towards him that I have toward my X. I was way to nice to both of them and I want to show them that I am NOT a creampuff and I SEE who they really are and I want to show them how much I can't stand them. ....but NC it is :-(

#5 Dec 18 - 1PM

Jessika (not verified)

Thank you

everyone...my anger at him was going to land me into trouble... Whew. Glad I sent it to my drafts and didn't hit 'Send' last night.

#6 Dec 18 - 1PM

Jessika (not verified)

Thank you

everyone...my anger at him was going to land me into trouble... Whew. Glad I sent it to my drafts and didn't hit 'Send' last night.

#7 Dec 18 - 5AM

grossot

jessika

He doesn't deserve the courtesy of this email. He will figure it out over time that you have nothing to say to him. I realize you are just trying to establish boundaries but this email will be like feeding him a steak dinner. If you absolutely have to send something, stay away from the words current and 'at this time'. This means in the future you'd be willing to reconsider. The whole thing about the d&d and then coming back with 'love you' 'miss you' makes me thing of the term 'splitting'. Its been mentioned on here before tho I can't remember where. Narcs either love or hate. There is no integration of the 2 bc they didn't develop that ability. I found it helpful to research that term. All the best to you, Jessika. He is jealous of you. That is obvious. Let that carry you through NC. http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#8 Dec 17 - 10PM

Barbara (not verified)

Jessika

send this to him: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml then block his ass FOR GOOD! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#9 Dec 18 - 1AM (Reply to #10)

Jessika (not verified)

Thank you Barbara and Destiny

Here is a copy of the email I composed to him. What do you think? I saved it to my drafts bc I don't want him to know that I was thinking about him at this time of night... that would really stroke he fragile little ego: Here's the email: -------------------------------------------- http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml At this time I have blocked all your email addresses. My email is set to receive messages only from those within my address book. If you send a message under a different email address and it somehow manages to come through I will delete it/ not read it. AT&T has now allowed me to block your number/calls. I have no interest in you. Apathy would be the best descriptor. If there is some further communication that somehow manages to come through; anymore contact, which you can clearly see is unwanted by me... ANY attempt whatsoever to 'punish' me or bring harm to me in ANY manner will be taken very seriously by me. I will without hesitation discuss this matter with my neighbor (XXXXXXXX police detective) to determine what I should do to put an end to this. BTW I still have in writing (the text) that you agreed never to share the pics you have. This will also be addressed if such is a means of retaliation by you/ a way to bring harm to me. Without any contact/ input from me, you have moved from thanking a "self centered" woman for leaving TO "love you" and "miss you." I find that disturbing. I have not communicated with you since August and said "bye" at that time, yet you persist to bother me despite my wishes. Respect my boundaries and stop the texts and emails. Accept the reality of our current status and my current feelings. Your communications are unwanted and need to cease. Please leave me alone. Jessika ----------- Do you think that was okay?

#10 Dec 18 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

Ellen

Jessika

Hi Jessika, I was wondering where you were. Thank god that was a sample email. I'm so glad you haven't sent it. He will think you care and are bothered by his contact if you send it. You also told him that you are concerned that it would hurt you when you talk about retaliation if he shows those photos to anyone, he will sense that in your email so he will know what to do with them. The fact that you tell him you have no interest in him says that you do cos you are spending time to tell him. He has also got you hooked in there. I wouldn't waste my life on him. Reread what you wrote like telling you that you should be an escort and not a Doctor is sooooo disgusting to hear. How dare he! Thats my thoughts anyway.

#11 Dec 18 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Jessika (not verified)

Hey Ellen!! :-)

I haven't been around much, because it is now rare for me to have days of pain, confusion, or longing the way I used to. Most nights I don't dream of him and the intrusive thoughts are really infrequent. I'm still healing- but now I am not suffering from depression anymore. Still have some PTSD symptoms though- but they are decreasing as well. I can actually LAUGH now... have fun. Seek out activities, clean my house, put on music and dance around, cook for myself again. I am not back to normal- but I see that it's not so far off and not impossible as I once thought it was. My memories of him are less positive based and more realistic. I think he is a big headed loser boob!! Whereas before I thought the world of him... thought he was better than me and better off than me. I was jealous, hurt, angry, confused and constantly focused on HIM. Not anymore (well... not for the past few weeks- who knows how next week will be- LOL) Anyway, Ellen.... I am doing better. I can see that YOU are doing much better too. I can see that there has been much growth and understanding that pathology never changes. Great for you!! xoxox Jessika Jessika

#12 Dec 18 - 5PM (Reply to #16)

Ellen

Jessika

Hi Jessika, I'm glad you are doing better. Thanks i feel that i am getting much better too. I don't cry every day and i feel more hopeful. It's almost scarey to feel good cos i think i will slip again. I can't believe how badly effected i was...........i still am but it's bearable. I can't believe it is xmas next week and i feel happy. I don't see my family, have no plans but am excited to spend time with T who is about 18 months now. She is always looking and shouting at xmas lights and i'm enjoying it. I hope the ExN doesn't get in touch. Now that i know about narcs my life makes sense and i don't ever want to be around my family again........now i understand the reasons. How many months on are you now....maybe it is the same amount as me.

#13 Dec 18 - 6PM (Reply to #17)

Jessika (not verified)

I'm 7 months out now

That description of T enjoying the Christmas lights is so sweet. I hope the 2 of you have a great Christmas- without pathologicals creating drama and confusion.

#14 Dec 18 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

Barbara (not verified)

Jessika

you're giving him TOO MUCH SUPPLY - do NOT Tell these guys off - they get "off" on it. WHY are you bothering to tell off this clueless heartless piece of dung? here's what I would send: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please read: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/apology.shtml Now, do not contact me or attempt to contact me again. Ever. I will not hesitate to take legal action if you do. You have been blocked. Don't even bother to sign it - then block the asshat. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#15 Dec 18 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

Jessika (not verified)

Thanks for the

sample letter Barbara. However, for now I have decided to stay NC. I am sure he will find some way to respond to that email if I sent it.... like show up at my door and mail and actual letter to me. It would never end. Starve the vampire, right?!!

#16 Dec 18 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

Barbara (not verified)

yes - starve it!

NC = stake in his heart! he's trolling for a reaction from you - DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#17 Dec 17 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

destiny (not verified)

I'm sorry Jessika- what a

I'm sorry Jessika- what a Kreeeep. You are so strong to NC two Narcs at once. My Narc would throw in God too as a way to manipulate me. he was a sex addict too. That is almost word for word something I would get from my Narc. So sick how they think all should be forgotten. â€œIt's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.â€

#18 Dec 18 - 1AM (Reply to #3)

Sinead

Jessika

Don't send that email to him, don't send him anything, complete NC. I feel for you really I do, I had a Psychopath step in as ExP was taken away who was "consoling" me, her hubby is some kind of emotional predator too, I am just now getting a smear campaign starting from them both (after ExP has done the rounds once already). Cut him off, cut off anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable, do not reply to him.

#19 Dec 18 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Jessika (not verified)

Sinead

I am sorry this is happening to you (the smear campaign). Since there is no 'winning' with them and they like the back and forth game- you're right- I should just maintain no contact. He'll eventually disappear.

#20 Dec 18 - 7AM (Reply to #4)

MsVulcan500

Jessika

That email you want to send is WAY too nice. And WAY too long. If you really feel that you need to respond, make it short and not sweet. Just the facts, Ma'am. Like Barbara says, you are giving him a lot of supply with this and he will know you put a lot of thought into it. That will feed him for a while. You need to let him know that you are not thinking about him at all. I think the biggest FU you can give him is to not respond at all. It will show that he's not even worth the time to write "Leave me alone" and hit send.

#21 Dec 18 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Jessika (not verified)

Ok

I will just let it go. I am just so sick of him. I have to check my "junk" email box, bc my filter is so high that at times I am sent emails from people not in my contact list that I do need to read. I suppose when I see his name I can't help but look at it. When I block email .... it throws those in my Junk folder. Perhaps there is another way I can do it. Yeah... the letter was really a vent for me. I have had it with him I suppose. It was JUICY supply that I would have regretted later. All he would have seen is -- look at that passion she has. She still wants to play the game! Ugh.... NC it is!

#22 Dec 18 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

Sinead

Pretend you sent it

And burn it, those are your final words to him without giving him the opportunity to respond. When you see any email from him, delete straight away, it's very hard not to, I had this from the P who stepped into ExP's place, she was guilt tripping me into responding, the last email I got on one of our festivals (any normal person would feel guilty, read it and reply), I left it a couple of days and with support of friends, permanently deleted it without opening it. Don't open anything from him and if you get something you don't realise is him until you open it, immediately delete when you realise, it makes life a little easier to get on with. Smear campaigns are hurtful, but they are useful in filtering out your real friends :)

#23 Dec 18 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

4joys4

Jessika

Don't respond at all. Anything is feeding the monster. Anything.

#24 Dec 18 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Amazed

Jessika--when the guys come back

You gotta be armed and ready!! You are prepared ahead of time for these guys to pop up and plead not guilty and try to melt their way back into your life. Knowing this, stay ahead of the curve. Don't respond, it will give you strength. I know about the joint trouble,,it is probably related to stress. Scary how the body reacts to this stuff, isn't it! Get yourself into a healthier less stressful, and more positive environment,,and joint troubles will improve also. I had the same...

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