Please Help

Brief history...I was with him for 2 years. We shared my home up north & the house I picked out for us down south. B 4 XMas last year, he left but I had to stay behind for business reasons. My mom was flying down w/me to spend 2 weeks then going home & XBF & I would stay till April. I noticed a few weeks after he left that his calls became infrequent & he seemed cold & snarky. A week b 4 I was to fly down, I straight up asked him if he was seeing someone else. Said he was dating online. Wow. According to him I was dragging my feet about coming, I didn't like the same TV shows, cooked too late at night etc etc. Actually told me I could still come down. I hung up on him & went NC and have been for 4 months.

Thru a 3rd party e mail I asked for my clothes back & he did send them. But there are many other things that I want back. He came up north this week & left me a vm (my block expired)saying he wanted the rest of his things & if I didn't call him, he was coming to the house. I texted him to bring my stuff also.

I had NO IDEA that seeing him would trigger so much emotion. I have been weeping & moaning for the last 4 days. He says he will return my things but we all know the end of that story.

He looks like shit. I look stellar if I must say so myself! LOL! I was doing SO well. Doing the work, putting things in perspective, facing the truth & excited to start my life over. Now this. AND, I was at a private function today & met 2 guys who know him. I hadn't met them b 4. They knew all about me & my business through the XNBF. They were shocked that we broke up. He told them all about me and told them he was excited to start a new life together. They said he's not living w/anyone or even seeing anyone else. But he goes on internet dating every day.

This hurts me more than I was hurt when we split. Now I'm questioning myself....what is wrong with ME . What went wrong in the r/s. Why is he not with someone else. This damn ego of mine is getting in my way. It sounds as though he might miss me, but the working part of my brain says bullshit. He would be trying to contact me & reconcile. Which he isn't.

I was doing SO well until 4 days ago. My mind knows that he is disordered, but my heart is just aching. I just don't know how to move past this & get back to being excited about my future.