Skeptical.....

I alluded to this in another post....

I am skeptical about my recovery.

I understand no one can fill the void within myself.

However, I LOVED loving him. I loved being there for him. Enjoyed listening to him, loved supporting him, loved looking out and after him in many ways.

I suppose I have never received much love or affection so I don't know what it feels like to receive it.

N gave this to me in a fatal dose.

I do wonder if he was it for me?

I know I cannot predict the future but I do know I have never felt that way about anyone other than him. Love is patient, love is kind...he brought out the best in me.

Now I'm so shattered inside I literally feel like I will carry the pain of losing him forever.

So I think the love of my life died, because he did.

I am sorry but I feel so skeptical that I will ever love again.

X
B