The cheating man

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 20 - 8AM

sohurt12345

The cheating man

Hi everyone. I want to move forward from this man. I want nothing to do with him. Things were good when I was with him, but it was all a fallacy. He was truthful about the things that he wanted to be truthful about, but overall, it was all a lie. He ended up being married and was never going to leave his other life. I was nothing more than fun and games to him. I have confronted him with this several times and he just continued to lie and run around things.

I came here to move on. I came here for support to continue to move on. I don't want to decipher him or even try to understand him anymore. I don't want to hate him. I want to feel nothing for him. Please help me in my journey to move forward.

#2 Feb 20 - 4PM

Maya (not verified)

Sohurt

You are in the right place. You are asking all the right questions. The answers are on this site with responses from some very smart people who have been in your same prediciment. And you will come to learn that IT IS NOT YOU! You will hear that over and over loud and clear here. You are still worthy; and worthy of loving by the very nature of your existence. Learn it, know it, live it and you will get past the insanity of trying to love and unloving being amongst mostly benevolent souls on this planet. God speed.

#3 Feb 20 - 11AM

Deidre40

we will be here for you. you

we will be here for you. you sound strong and resolved. you'll have those bad moments, but you see him for what he is/was... i think it's great how you say...i don't want to decipher him. yes yes yes! we spend way too much wasted time sitting around analyzing these jerks. bottom line. they are not good people. they are lost souls. should we pray for them? yes. Even Jesus said...pray for your enemies. But, they are not worth sitting around figuring out. Bottom line is what YOU think matters most...not what he does. I will be praying for you as you continue on your journey.

#4 Feb 20 - 5PM (Reply to #15)

Maya (not verified)

Thanks Deidre

I don't consider myself religious in any way; but I agree with Deidre that praying and saying affirmations out loud is very helpful to the process of healing. Also, Also, yry saying "I Love You"or an affirmation while looking in a mirror (it's really hard); but that is one place to begin your journey, another message you will hear over and over is that you have to get back to yourself. On this forum we are here to listen and if you can't put those feelings into words, the people here will help you cut through the bull and see your way clear of the current "dis-orienta"tion of your psyche.

#5 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

sohurt12345

Thank you

for your support. Part of the hardest part of the healing process is forgiving myself. Why didn't I see the writing on the wall and walk away from it? Why did I just keep reading the novel and not see that it was doing my well-being no good? Why did I get sucked in until there was nothing left of me? I am so glad you are all here for me. It's a hard journey but I am hoping it won't be a long one.

#6 Feb 20 - 10AM

janemarie

Welcome to the forum

Welcome to the forum sohurt!!!!! Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone and we all understand what you are going through:) You can start your healing today....take the vow of NC starting today....the sooner you cut him loose the sooner you can begin your recovery and your ability to move forward just like you want.... Everyone is correct when they tell you to educate yourself on the disorder and read everything...Lisa's book is amazing and Goldie offers one on one phone sessions...She is wonderful!! Best of luck to you!! xoxo

#7 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #12)

sohurt12345

Thank you

Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. Sometimes when I'm stuck in the cycle, I think that I am alone. But now I have this forum and all you guys and it really makes me feel so much better. We have to empower ourselves. We have to do this for ourselves.

#8 Feb 20 - 8AM

Fearless

sohurt...

sorry you were deceived by this freak of nature. sorry for your pain. you have definitely made a very good choice in choosing this site as a tool to get your life back and move forward. Read all you can, post whatever you feel, and just keep taking the steps to move forward. my wish for you today is your heart makes a complete and full recovery very soon dear. -fefe

FeFe

#9 Feb 20 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

sohurt12345

Thank you for the note

I am on my way to healing and I really want to move forward, but it's still fresh. I have taken some steps in my personal life but I am dealing with guilt. Even if he did not come straight out and admit that he had another life, I kind of knew but I guess to some degree allowed him to do this. I know that was my fault. Why can't I stop feeling bad about this? This is his doing but I feel bad about it. Why? I DON'T want to care about him anymore. I just want to move on.

#10 Feb 20 - 8AM

Sparrow

You have come to the right

You have come to the right place. Educate yourself on the disorder. Know what he is and realize that he will never change. His life is a lie and the relationship with you was a lie. Toxic people are easily able to invade our lives. Harder to get rid of but not impossible. Stay NC and begin your journey. Good luck and welcome to the forum.

#11 Feb 20 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

sohurt12345

Thank you - just wondering

Thank you for the welcoming me. I am somewhat stuck thinking of why he started all this. Why would someone start a relationship he could never finish? Why would he lead me on to think he truly cared about me, but he was leading another life the whole time? And why didn't I see the writing on the wall to get out? What is wrong with me? I really want to move on. I want to get through this and all the anxieties it's bringing me. As stupid as it may sound, if I wasn't the only one, it would make me feel better. That would really make me see what kind of man he was. But from time to time, I am still dealing punishing myself that I was the only one and he made a mistake. But note, he NEVER came clean with anything. He avoided and denied everything all the way through.

#12 Feb 20 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

Sparrow

Because he is disordered. He

Because he is disordered. He is NOT normal. He has a knack and a need to do what he does. And trust me.......you were NOT the only one. Impossible. Know in your heart that this is not due to anything you did or didn't do. If you had done things differently, the end result would still be the same. He owns the problem. There should be no guilt on your part at all. You will learn this soon enough. Right now, you are trying to wrap your head around everything and it is just too overwhelming. You will get there. Read as much as you can in regards to the NPD and take your time taking everything in. Lisa's book is a tremendous beginning to all of this. Start the 6 steps, they work wonders. Cut the guilt loose, you don't own it, nor should you. You ahve enough on your plate. It's his to own, but he won't own up to it. And he is irrelevant anyway. Be thankful you are free of him once and for all. Stay strong and stay NC!

#13 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

sohurt12345

This hit home

Wow, this really hit home with me. I do spend some time dealing with what ifs. I deal with what if I had done things differently. I deal with why I saw what I really wanted to see and not the truth. This forum has been so supportive and uplifting.

#14 Feb 20 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

SundaySmile

No answers but

Hi sohurt. You are asking the expected questions of a person early in D&D. You ask questions I do not (personally) have the answers to as I do not know him nor you nor am I a therapist. I understand & identify your hurt as detailed. I attest to hope that if you do the work as Hunter says - you will heal and move forward. How long ago did this happen if I may ask?

#15 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

sohurt12345

Thank you

It's been about 2 weeks of NC. Though it's been the best 2 weeks of my life, I am dealing with my own issues. When does it go away?

#16 Feb 20 - 8AM

Hunter

Welcome to Narcville.. Lisa's

Welcome to Narcville.. Lisa's "Path forward " the six steps work. Get to work.. Hunter

#17 Feb 20 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

SundaySmile

Thank you

Hunter I adore your style. Thank you. it is work. And it is worth every ounce of growth

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