Dignity

The absolutely worst thing the narc did to me, the most shameful, the most degrading, and that will take longest to heal, was to rob me of my dignity.

It`s not so much specific incidents that I recall with shame, it`s more a sense of unnutterable loss when I realize that there where moments when I was with him where he was causing me so much pain that I relinquished my dignity. And my dignity was the most important thing I had.

Normally when two human beings meet, the dignity of each bows down and acknowledges the dignity of the other. Of course we all have our little flaws, but behind each of our little idiosycrasies, this is the way human interaction is meant to be. And at a real gutlevel, we all know that. This is the way human interaction is meant to be, because survival of the herd depends on it.

Torture is horrifying because it is designed not just to rob the victim of his dignity, but to force him to relinquish it voluntarily, and it is the absolute worst thing one human being can do to another, firstly because it violates the essential basic code of survival in our particular herd, which is that, in order for the herd to survive as a herd, it is critical that the herd as a whole honor and respect the most important attribute that herd has, which in human beings is human dignity, and secondly because it renders the torturer inhuman and his victim less-than-human. This means that it not only goes against the law of survival, but against the law of evolution too.

Psychopaths are expert torturers because they are not hampered by a conscience, have no empathy and acknowledge neither the dignity of other herd members, nor the necessity of the herd to evolve as a whole. They are only out for themselves and rarely think beyond gratifying their own particular needs and wants in a particular moment. This is precisely what makes them so alien. Wottaprick was a great torturer, very subtle, very insidious. He could torture me in front of a room full of people without anyone else noticing. I probably know more about cruelty than the Marquis de Sade now, thanks to Wottaprick.

So we are deeply shocked and deeply scarred, who escape from a narc, for not only have we been in intimate contact with something not human, we are torture victims too.

Recovering our dignity takes time and hard work once we have been stripped of it this way, and we are very naked, very vulnerable and often very ashamed without it. But a good way to go about it is to begin to set very clear boundaries, and one boundary that I will be setting from now on is to refuse to tolerate cruelty. Another is, never agin, in any way, to engage or sustain any situation which robs my of my dignity. I just won`t do it any more. My dignity is far to important to be compromised in any way.

Love

Tigerlily