Umm, HELP!(???)

Faith, I so sympathise with your sadness. But keep the NC going. It is your only hope. You will find a better and more fulfilling life beyond N. Give the dust time to settle, as it will. I agree with the poster who says, stop calling them "MY" (anyone would think they are a pet lizard or squirrel). The N was never yours, or anyone else's, that's for sure. Take care of you, Faith. Hermes

you're crying over the first mask he wore, the prince charming mask, aren't you? You're crying over someone who doesn't exist. Don't let doubt inside your head, write lists of all the words that have hurt you, all the promises he broke, everything that he ever did to break your heart. The glee in his eyes when he could see he had succeeded. Take time picturing who you were before you met him, the things you loved and that he killed in you. Did you use to dance? did you use to draw? play the guitar? smile and laugh? bake like a queen? Take time cherishing the old you and bring her back to life. Don't give up :)

I'm sorry you bought a lemon, sweetie. Once you really plunge into the literature on NPD you will be genuinely shocked by how all of these supposedly "unique" and "special" beings are exactly the same. They're a fleet of ridiculous robots, all downloaded with the same defective program, that should have never have been allowed off the factory floor. You WILL get over this -- stay NC. It really is all about one day at a time right now. Get up in the morning and don't burden yourself with thinking beyond how you will take care of yourself THIS DAY. Before you know it, months will have passed and the fog will have cleared. Stay here with us -- we all understand, believe me. Hugs, D,

One day at a time. Keep coming to this forum for help and inspiration. Log on late at night if you have to. Get strength from all these inspirational ladies. And don't break contact ( coming from me who keeps breaking contact). Cuz contact = Pain, hunter is right! He doesn't care, and you shouldn't either. Keep reading I used to seriously wait for a new reply and read it immediately. We love you and are here to support you.

Okay, so you've been here before. You've seen how no contact has relieved you of this misery. Remember this person is a sick person who doesn't deserve one ounce of your attention. He doesn't appreciate it. He just sucks it up to make himself feel bigger and leaves you exhausted mentally and physically. The only way back to a healthy life is to get this man out of it. You can do it! xxx, Ruby

10 days out...wow, this is very recent. I'm sorry that you're going through this but thrilled you have this group to vent at instead of him. LOL, when I moved out, I had to listen to sappy break up music on the overhead at work every day for 8 hours...I didn't have this group then...literally, I was on my own..my saving grace were two very good friends who listened to me for hours on end *neither one wants to hear his name at this point LOL* That was 15 months ago...ups and downs since then... good news is, you'll get to a better place and every thing you do to take back control vis-a-vis NC...makes you feel better about the split and keeps propelling you forward...right now though? Feel what you need to feel...you've earned that right! *hugs*

We understand Faith, 10 days is like yesterday in narc recovery. Your pain is well understood by all of us. Like Hunter says, "contact = pain" and it is true, regardless of their attitude with us. They will usually be either cold, discounting and mean or seem nice and even empathetic to our pain, which can hurt in a whole other way that might be even more potentially dangerous to our healing. If they seem sympathetic then doubt about them being 'so bad' for us is instilled and we stop believing in the truth about our actual experience through the guilt or blame they passively project onto us. No contact allows you to maintain YOUR perspective without him manipulating it otherwise. Welcome to the forum, (hugs)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. That pain is horrendous. All I can say is KNOW that this phase does come to an end. You WILL get through this. Knowing that I would come out the other side was one thing that kept me going. To keep me from contacting him I had to write page after page of the stupid and psycho things that he did and then re-read them. I kept reminding myself that I didn't want him anyway. Also, do kind things for yourself. Eat well, don't drink, exercise. You are your main focus and treat yourself like the precious gift that you are. Every love song that comes on the radio is about your love for yourself! Everything you do is with you in mind. I'm almost a year out. I have to have contact with the creep because of children. But after six months I broke free from the pain and suffering and since then, everyday, life just keeps getting better. I have my days. Any contact can set me back. But I'm quick to snap out of it. I'm happy again! And you will be too! Hang in there!

Cry it out, Faith! At 10 days out, you are in the worst of it. I know, I've been there, and it completely sucks. Hearing that time heals is not something you want to hear, but truly it does. You are very, very lucky to have found this support group. Stick with these women here, There is so much love and understanding here that it will help. I promise it will. It helped me no end. We ALL have been where you are and DO understand. Hang on, and never, never, never text him again. Listen what they tell you about no contact. It's truly the only way!! Big hug to you... B

Cry honey, it is good to cry. You had a difficult experience as everyone here. It hurts like hell. I know. I have been there and could not imagine the pain will go away. And? 5 months out and... there is no pain anymore. It does get better. Cry, scream, go through your pain. Keep NC and I promise, it will get better! Love Winter