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Just had to share............

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#1 Sep 16 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Just had to share............

Good morning my beautiful N family! I am ELATED and wanted to share my good news!

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

This may seem silly to some, but a very big deal for me. I have not dreamt since my husband, Mike, left 4/28/10. I use to dream every night until that day. I hadn't given it much thought until someone had mentioned not dreaming and it occurred to me that I had not had a dream since that day. And of course, in my typical fashion, I need to find the answers as to why. I discovered that when you use the reptilian part of the brain, which is the survival part, you don't experience dreaming. I realized that my brain had switched over into survival mode, of course it had, because I needed to survive what had just happened to me. My life was no longer the happy, blissful life I had known it to be for the last 15 years.

When I woke this morning, I woke out of a dream and was aware of it immediately. The biggest smile came across my face, you have no idea how important this is for me and my recovery! I am becoming me again, and that is a beautiful thing!

And I have all of you to thank for that..........without your help, without this forum, goodness knows where I would be right now. As you all have experienced, our friends and family can only do so much, and are really incapable of understanding what we have experienced and have no idea how to even begin to help us. So, without this forum, and without all of you, this journey to healing would have continued to be an absolute hell.

Thank you everyone! Much love to all of you!!!

My name is Susan. Pleased to meet you!

Sparrow

Sep 16 - 12PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Lilliandiane

I am so sorry Lil. Every parents greatest fear, once their child is no longer in your protective arms, growing up, getting a drivers liscense, we worry, worry, worry and the greatest fear of them all is what you experienced. My friend Maureen, the same thing. Her son was driving back to college after a weekend home. Very tragic, heartbreaking. No amount of words can make things better, this I am sure of. To see you continue to live on, shows me that you posess strength, great strength, and love and respect for your son and his memory. What breaks my heart even more is you wonder what you have done to deserve this. It is nothing that you have done. These things unfortunately happen, I don't have the answer as to why, nor would I pretend to. But, I do know, in my heart, that nobody deserves to lose their child, nobody deserves to be abused, nobody deserves to be mistreated and betrayed. Please continue to be strong and fight the fight to survive. The narc in your life, is placing you in a box, putting you on a shelf, and taking you down when he wants or needs something from you. Don't stand for it anymore. He is not only mistreating you, he is mistreating his wife and children. Betrayal is the absolute worst thing one can do to another. And he is doing it to every single person in his life. Say no more. If he doesn't respect his wife and children enough, how could he possibly respect you. You deserve love, honesty, happiness........you are on this earth for a reason and have no idea for how long, so please rid yourself of this horrific person and find your true happiness. He is out there waiting for you but you won't find him until you relieve yourself completly of this "half a man". He is a huge dissapointment and has been from probably the word go......you have survived the worst, this will be a cakewalk in comparison. My best to you.........stay strong and reach out when ever you need to. We are all here for you. Smiles
Sep 16 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Kukla
Kukla's picture

Yay!

Yay Sparrow dreamin' and smilin'... It's all good sweets. Hugs to you!!!!
Sep 16 - 9AM
onthebrink
onthebrink's picture

Not dreaming

This also happened to me. When my daughter would talk about her dreams, I would jus tthink I cannot remember the last time I had a dream. About 6 months no contact, I started dreaming again. Thanks for the info.
Sep 16 - 8AM
Recovering Suzie
Recovering Suzie's picture

Welcome back Susan!

I'm sure you were missed
Sep 16 - 8AM
lilliandiane
lilliandiane's picture

kinda like grief

Sparrow, your post reminds me of coming back from the grief process. After my son died, I couldn't cry and I couldn't laugh. Absolutely nothing was funny to me--even things that you couldn't help but laugh at normally (and I come from a family of very funny people) and nothing made me cry. About 18 months after his death, I was watching some television drama and found tears on my cheek and I remember the exact moment when somebody said something that I laughed at. You do feel a kind of joy because you are you again, even though it is a different you than before. I am very happy for you, and I welcome you back to yourself!
Sep 16 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

lilliandiane

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I can't imagine and have no words to express my deepest of sympathies. And afterwards, to find yourself a victim of narcissism..........you are a woman of great strength, that is why you found yourself here I am sure. Please know that you are in my thoughts during your journey to healing. You have come to the right place. The people on this forum are beautiful, compassionate, caring individuals and you will find yourself embraced by them every step of the way. My best to you today and always Lilliandiane.
Sep 16 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
lilliandiane
lilliandiane's picture

yeah, it was a lot

I was involved with N for 4 years, still trying to believe that he was protecting his son by not leaving. Then Grahamy--without a doubt the happiest, funniest, best kid you would ever want to know died, 107 hours after he lost control of his truck in the rain. N wouldn't go the funeral because his kids would wonder since his kids and mine went to school together. Then a week after Grahamy, I was hit in a head-on collision. Remarkably, only broke my thumb and cracked my knee-cap, but went into an emmotional nose-dive--couldn't be alone at my house; had no life outside of my job; watched the same movie over and over and over until bedtime. N still went on vacation with his wife--his hands were tied, you know. So I worked and worked and worked. I finished a novel; I won a National Award for Hearing Conservation--all virtually sleep-walking. It took 2 years and lots of anti-depressants to come back to myself. And here he is, 7 years later, still trying to drive me completely insane. Always there to remind me that nothing I am or survived means enough for him. Very hard not to believe that I am not being punished for something pretty horrible.
Sep 16 - 8AM
Winter
Winter's picture

Thank you for sharing

Thank you for sharing your joy and your positive energy this morning. I feel very happy for you, Susan. You slowly start to find yourself again and it is a very nice place to be! With joy, Winter
Sep 16 - 8AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Hello Susan

Great strides - very well done. Wishing you lots more dream filled nights and smiley mornings. Hugs, Dee x
Sep 16 - 8AM
freaked
freaked's picture

Dear Susan(Sparrow), I am

Dear Susan(Sparrow), I am happy because you are happy. Means a lot to me when someone is happy out of clean reasons. Hugs