THINKING BACK THEY ARE LIKE ROBOTS

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 7 - 4PM

gratefuljen

THINKING BACK THEY ARE LIKE ROBOTS

I just mourned my wedding anniversary. Did pretty good. But healing is slow, but steady.

Reviewing some of his remarks, and I remember thinking what in the heck..........

We were driving home, and out of no where he said, that his ex wife really must of loved him.......uh.....he was thinking about past supply, no real connection to what was in front of him.

When we were making love, he would do the same thing, over and over, like he thought this is how you are intimate. At first I thought it was, but later it was just weird.

He never really had true concern for either daughter. It was just how they reflected on him. That was a huge red flag.

Just these odd things, that robots do. Not real humans, but empty shells. I wish I knew now what I did not know then. What a lesson.

I honestly thought that every human being had a conscience. That there was good in every person. But I now know the truth. There are people in this world that are empty, that have no internal voice that says, stop your hurting someone. That has no soul. That is only out for narcissistic supply. Thay are truly evil.

God help them, but more importantly help the people that have been abused and used and thrown away by such pigs.

Love to all

Jen

#2 Sep 9 - 10AM

Susan32

A ghost town is a good place to live!

The ex-Psych prof (who lives in New Mexico) would fit in just fine: http://io9.com/5838171/what-will-go-on-in-the-center Since he's the cerebral kind, he'd fit in in a ghost town. He's also robotic, so if this place is studying artificial intelligence, he'd be a great specimen. (Unfortunately he failed the Turing Test due to lack of emotion) The whole city is EMPTY. Perfect for a vacant guy like him.

#3 Sep 9 - 9AM

Arwen

Wow I really relate to this,

Wow I really relate to this, especially the usual round of sexual positions and actions. Just as if things had been checked off one by one and then it's time to turn your back to me, pretend I'm not there and start snoring.

#4 Sep 8 - 3AM

ifinallygotit

robot sex

i used to watch exN who would predictably smile at the same things in bed, close his eyes and make the same faces - like it was a script of this is what sexy is - truth be told he was sexy but was it really for me or just N doing their thing? I always thought it was sweet but wondered if it was just N enjoying himself irregardless of who the body was - not saying this very well but there seemed to be almost acting going on - like from what a romantic kiss looks like in the old 50's and 60's film: you close your eyes you turn your head you purse your lips and you are now somehow romantic! it was funny to me when we were together...i thought cute Not so cute now as i put the pieces together: romantic love,cold shoulder mornings, hot, cold over and over and over. I guess when the performance is over they are satisfied and want to go back to shell

#5 Sep 7 - 11PM

Sea

Like robot, regardless of

Like robot, regardless of age, race, nationality, education, vocation etc I said it a zillion times i know but cannot help wondering how some many of diverse background follow the N textbook to the T.

#6 Sep 7 - 7PM

faithinthefuture

jen

Healing takes time. As much time as you need. At 18 months NC I still feel like I should be further along that I am. NO thoughts of him NO memories of what I believed in. I want to think of NOTHING when it comes to him. Just like he is NOTHING. But I think even after 20 years of NC there are still going to be moments that trigger a memory & I will still feel a sadness and anger. The relationship has forever changed me. Many years ago a friend of mine told me he thought for every person in the world there were 5 compatible people they could share their life with. I was astounded. I so believed a person had a "soulmate" I will mourn the loss of that belief. I must have watched too many damn Disney movies growing up. I also believed if I showed a person how to treat another person they would eventually get it. That is just not true. It's a little disheartening and humbling but I still believe it happened for a reason. For self growth maybe to help others. I know I smile and laugh more and am more myself than I have been in a very long time. I am so very grateful for that. I happen to like me. again.

#7 Sep 7 - 7PM

Kiwi2005

So much like robots!

Jen, They are like robots! After learning more about NPD, I came to the conclusion, they are robots. They do the things they do because they've seen it, heard it, or were told to do it. They have no idea why they're doing it. So as I typed that I thought of something. I've read a lot of posts about how good the narc was at sex and how obsessed with sex they are. Go figure- they watch a lot of porn- see what looks like good sex & imitates that. Hmmm. Interesting. GOD Help us for sure... There is nothing really GOD can do for them. GOD hasn't created a person who can invent a cure for NPD. Just know that when you and I get excited because of a child giving us a hug & smiling with us... they don't. They don't have the ABILITY to feel the real, true, love and happiness we do.

#8 Sep 7 - 6PM

sickandtiredofit

it does get better... i promise!

Hi everyone. not sure if anyone here remembers me, but less than a year ago I was a wreck. I was terrified of staying and even more frightened of going. he had so much power over me. He emotionally destroyed me - made me feel less than at every turn. I am attractive, educated, and have a great job. We were married for ten years and had a son together. I made it easy for him to be the douche he was by always forgiving him and no longer asking questions. in the end he felt it wasn't even mandatory to show up. He wined and dined other women and lied to me constantly - so with much help from you folks and friends, I packed up some stuff and took my son. It has been a hard road, but I do not say, "I want to die," every day like I once did. I hated my life and even worse, hated myself. I believed the horrible things he said about me. Today, I live my life on my terms. No more eggshell walking for me. He is being a bastard about the divorce proceedings, but who cares! I am done with him. He is not the omnipotent one that I once believed. he is just a man, a very sick man, but nothing more. Free at last - you can get away. You will be fine. he does not love you or anyone else for that matter. Smoke and mirrors- and eventually that fades too. Big and better things are in store for you. The best part - after all of his crazy shit, he says, "hey, who knows, maybe we will get back together!" HAHAHAHHA. Really? Never.

#9 Sep 7 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

faithinthefuture

I DO!!!!

I have wondered how you are doing so many times! Seeing you here and how strong you are vs a year ago brought tears to my eyes. You have come so far & I am sooo happy for you! I am 18 months NC and I NEVER thought I would be where I am today. I think it's so important sickandtiredofit that we come back and check in so others can see and BELIEVE there is hope. We do heal and move on. We will be forever changed but that's ok. The pain makes us stronger and wiser and more empathetic to ourselves. As you said "he is just a man(& really he's not)a very sick man. He does not love you or anyone else(not even himself)" And a toast for "no more walking on eggshells" I'd personally rather walk on fire

#10 Sep 7 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

sickandtiredofit

Fear as a tool

Thanks for your reply. I was so overwhelmed by my fear of him, I let it control me. I lived in the land of "what ifs." I was paralyzed by my fear. this went on for years. I became a human doing rather than being, and everything I did was for him, but as we all know it was never enough - never good enough. I believed he hated me and figured out in the end, I actually hated him for making me hate myself. I would tremble in those first few days so afraid of his retribution, which did come, but was like a tiny dog nipping at my heels. One of the last times we spoke, he had a hard time controlling his voice and had to swallow hard a few times. He is now afraid of me. He never thought I would leave. I had convinced him I could take whatever he dished out. Turns out everyone has a breaking point - I waited too long. So my advice is... get out now. It will not get better. You will not have a better opportunity. Ask for help from those you trust and know for sure the worst is behind you. I was amazed at how many people knew what I thought was such a secret. I avoided everyone thinking they believed his lies. Turns out, people knew what he was doing to me, they just kept quiet. Everyone thinks he is a jerk. which by the way, I found out they think is a compliment. The real insult is to call them incompetent or stupid. Gone baby, gone. I washed that man right outa' my hair. Phew! Never better should be my new alias. Best of luck to all of you who are stuck - get brave - get strong and get out!

#11 Sep 7 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

faithinthefuture

Fear

such an ugly word. I feared if I didn't take care of his happiness he would leave me. I lived in that fear every day. Until it broke me and brought a side of me I never want to see again. Then I helped him pack, kicked his ass out and told him get the fuck out of my house you are dead to me. And I never looked back. I haven't heard a word from him since & a he hasn 't asked a mutual friend aoout me either. He doesn't dare. He's too much of a chicken shit. HUGE :-) Yeah the pain of the loss and the disbelief was unbearable. We didn't think we'd make it thru. But we did.. And I've said just as you have. It doesn't get better it gets worse.

#12 Sep 7 - 6PM

Susan32

Currently in beta

I've read about how the Japanese have made innovations in creating teaching robots, as well as lifelike ones. Sounds like the ex-Psych prof is a combination of both, and currently in beta (testing) mode. They really have to work on the emotions so he's more convincing. The ex-P's favorite movie series was the Terminator, go figure, and he also liked The Matrix. Computers, robots, virtual reality. If Steve Jobs had made the ex-P,he'd probably be FUN and everyone would be swarming into Apple stores to get copies of him. Steve Jobs knows how to appeal to HUMANS and their emotions. "The plastic friend who's fun to be with!"-Douglas Adams "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

#13 Sep 7 - 6PM

Susan32

Currently in beta

#14 Sep 7 - 4PM

strongerthanever

Very true...

No true intimate connection when you look back and hindsight is 20/20. My exNfiance would take me down memory lane by driving by ex homes, work places, where they used to live together, favorite eating places. In fact, take me on a romantic get away and say, "C and I were here last year." Who says this? Yeah, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays are going to have a sting until there is something else replacing it. Even if there is no new man around erasing their existence, just knowing I'm free and my son is not under that passive-aggressive, emotional abuse, and meanness anymore is totally worth it.

#15 Sep 7 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

juliamarie

I had actually forgotten....

My first trip with the exNfiance was to a place that he and his ex-wife went to for their anniversary....their last wedding anniversary. I made the comment that I was uncomfortable, and he was basically like, "get over it". I hated having to go to the same restaurants and experience the same things he had experienced with someone else....simply because he lacked creativity. Seriously...very insensitive. I don't know why I put up with it! November 5 was my wedding date. Trying to figure out something I can do to distract myself that day. It's not going to be fun.

#16 Sep 7 - 4PM

Happy1

Hi Jen, I know what you mean.

Hi Jen, I know what you mean. I am still having a hard time processing that people do exist without empathy. How is that possible? When I first met my narc he told me that he didn't know what happened to him, but after his divorce a switch went off and he doesn't know how to feel or love. He said he didn't even know how to love his son. Well, I just thought he was bitter and he was telling a half truth. I don't believe a switch went off in his head. I believe he was always this way and it gets worse with age. I will now definitely pay more attention to what people say and really believe it.

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