im so done with him

Im not even looking for answers to this post..he finally wore me out. I knew I would reach this point eventually... right now there is nothing he could do or say that would get me back..nothing.

his reply to me tonite 'we get close and you always do this.. I cant deal with this now or ever... im going to bed click' he hung up..

sigh, this is what happens when everything is dictated by him..and I have no voice. and had a slight issue with him saying he would call me and then didnt.... again always dictated by him. if he is tired he goes to bed but he gets bumed if i cant talk..bs he had no plans to call me...what a jerk.

funny , really hysterical that he 'missed me' last nite.....yea, I could so tell that you didnt even think of me at all today.all about him...funny how that works.

yea we did get close or atleast it felt like it, but it was probably all a farce.... and this was bound to happen anyway. same pattern...same thing with me being blamed for having feelings. and a problem with something he didnt do... and ya know I am just worn from explaining it to him. Im to blame again..as always as he set this up... now this will be his excuse of how he cant deal with me or talk to me etc...what a bore......only thing is Im changing this game..or shall I say not taking part in it anymore..

the calm was nice while it lasted a few days, but all is erased...and I can clearly see things now. it isnt so much what they do it is how they respond to us when we are clearly upset...and I see that now. and hanging up and going to bed... so unattractive.
so starting right now I will no longer be available to N...I am too good of a person for him...way to good...he took me for granted way too many times.
Im not even going to call it NC that puts to much emphasis on not calling him.... im going to just live my life as if he doesnt exist. he will never get me... or give me what very little I need... he just doesnt care. and im tired of the lies. So, maybe in N fashion I am putting myself first...with Irene coming and still feeling unwell.. I have enough to deal with - i will no longer accomodate him...I will sleep...talk to friends etc... he does not exist to me.

I also suspect I was replaced...so why bother and waste my time... im so done.

It gets so boring knowing what he will do next...ignore me to 'punish me' who needs that...certainly not me. I need light and carefree... all of which he is not...
I hope when I wake up I still feel this way...i suspect I will... because things are now back to me feeling anxious over when N and I would talk again... things that should be so beyond simple. for the first time... I am not going to apologize for something I didnt do... he lost me for good.