Advice Please

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#1 Aug 13 - 4PM

Hunter

Advice Please

Hi Guys,

My Beautiful friend has been divorced for about a year! Her NH beat her,which was the final straw.

She has been introduced to a Greek God! ( at least that what he says) 6 weeks and she is in love.

This is a person who would check in with me everyday! Since Adonias surfaced there is no time for anyone but him.

She said " I'm going to Marry him" "I'm in Love" he calls her ten times a day, sees her every night, promises to take her traveling all over the world ( no tickets have been purchased) He also doesn't dream, I asked her.

I have not met him, she doesn't have one photo of them together , he's just gorgeous, divorced for 12 yrs ex wife is a crack head!! Right!!

Ok so I'm trying to be positive, not every man on the planet is a narc! Right?

We stayed in the City last night,, we had a great time, (in fact Lisa joined us)

So we got up this AM her first call was to him, now remember she was with us,

She was so excited to call and tell him of our fun! This is what I heard "oh I'm sorry, oh I didn't mean to wake you I just wanted to tell you about my night, oh sorry"

Happy and I left her to her conversation, when she was done she had the "look" the look what happened look on her face! She said he told her he did not want to her about her night, it upsets him" both Happy and I looked at each other at the same time said OMG!!
I'm sitting here watching a bad re run of my time with the Dog whisperer!

I have had anxiety all day, it's creeping me out! First its haunting, a ghost is haunting me! My friend has bee through so much and this guy is going to destroy her!

She's not going to listen, she knows what I went thru but it doesn't sink in,

What do I do? Watch the Train derail.

Hunter

#2 Aug 14 - 12PM

Goldie

So painful to watch someone we care about

Stepping into the pit's of hell. Your post clearly illustrates the honeymoon stage and then: A big fat red flag. Hmmm.... Do we "pay attention" to it or "ignore" it and make apologies? Blame ourselves. The rest looks so good so as we know the red flag usually get's ignored until we "get it." I have never been able to stop anyone from proceeding when they think they are in love. The chemical thing is already in play. I would just be you and say something if asked, otherwise, they usually think we are nuts if we say too much. Like a Mom trying to tell a teenager their bf is a whacko. Doesn't usually go over big. You'll be there when she is ready, I'm sure. God bless, Goldie

#3 Aug 14 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

Hunter

Thanks Goldie

Just another Narc story. UGH!!

#4 Aug 14 - 12AM

strongblackcoffee

Hunter

Be her friend. You know how much she is going to need one, soon. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault. You are not to blame for her choices. Hugs C

#5 Aug 13 - 10PM

blindfaith

Hunter

As a person just coming out of one of these "trainwrecks", I can say that nobody could have done anything. People tried to tell me....even his own mom. no way would i listen. But I can say that Im soooooooo grateful my best friend was here for me and patient with me through the whole thing,and my other loved ones. I dont know how i would have made it through this without them. It will make a world of difference just that you're there.

#6 Aug 13 - 5PM

no more

Hunter

I guess at this point all you can do is be there for her. He is definitely an N. I don't wish this on anyone and especially my friends. She is so fortunate to have you in her life as you have the experience and the knowledge about these Ns,,,and you have been a strong voice for me with your postings. Don't give up on her but definitely let her know what you think. Remember we were there once too. I wish I had a friend as strong as you when I first started with my N. You ROCK!!!!

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

#7 Aug 13 - 6PM

ruby01 (not verified)

Hunter

You poor thing. At this point in time, knowing what's ahead, probably has you more upset than your friend is. You have eyes' wide open. Her's are closed so she is blind to the truth. Think back to when you were in the same point in your relationship with your ExN. NOBODY could tell you he was anything less than a perfect match. If you try to interject any negative feelings you have at this point in time I think she will just distance herself from you. Unfortunately nature will have to take it's course. Fortunately she has a friend in you that will be there to catch her if/when she falls.

#8 Aug 13 - 5PM

girlsinger

Hunter

My dearest Hunter no, dont watch the train watch this http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_studies_the_brain_in_love.html be blessed K

#9 Aug 13 - 5PM

jen79

agnes is right

You can do nothing right now, she is in looooove, and blinded. I also would say, just be a friend, wait, until the first signs come that she wakes up, if she will ever. And then tell her what you think. She probrably will start to hate you then. But if the two of you are real good friends, she will listen. She has her own journey. Big hugs hun.

#10 Aug 13 - 5PM

agnesmurphy17

Nothing

There is nothing that you can do right now. very little can come between a man & a woman in an intimate relationship. If you have the patience -- be there for her when the crap hits the fan.

#11 Aug 13 - 5PM

onwithmylife

Hunter

We human beings have to learn the hard way, isn't that the truth!?I just hope she doesn't waste 15 years like I did.

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