PTSD

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 14 - 5AM

Scoop

Anyone who spends long periods of time with a psychopath will end up with some form of post traumatic stress .
I dont think we really understand the stress we where under on a daily basis dealing with a disordered person untill we go NC .
We are like battle weary soldiers although we didnt live with the threat of real bombs raining down on us, we did have the emotional bombs to deal with day in day out (and punches for some of us :() This is a big group hug for all of us this morning and a word of encouragement that we WILL get over this and i for one feel so pround that we can offer you guys a place of safty here ((((hug))))xxxx

Heres a link that explanes what PTSD is all about .
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/ptsd/posttraumaticstr...

Big Love Scoop xx

#2 Jul 15 - 2PM

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

Ptsd

I was under a therapist's care for mild ptsd, (not narc related) while in the honeymoon phase with the moral imbecile. He was the very essence of calm sweet understanding. He encouraged me to talk, get it all out, said he had been sent by my guardian angel to help me, along with my therapist. Gradually I took baby steps towards real healing,started to talk about my fears of sudden abandonment, at his urging. When I was just beginning to trust, and as my mother lay dying, he dumped me without a word of warning. There were no fights no arguments, nothing. Just an abyss of trauma...a brand new one. Thanks Shithead. I REALLY needed that! This man is beyond evil, a real sadistic piece of work.

#3 Jul 14 - 8PM

almostlydia

great article. I just read

great article. I just read all my words of suppressing all the memories etc...I do think I spent enough time thinking about it that I accepted what it was for what it was but then had to put those memories away. I refused to live them constantly any more. (finally) Very enlightening. Almostlydia

almostlydia

#4 Jul 14 - 7PM

gingercat

I have been waging mighty

I have been waging mighty battles with PTSD for most of the past year, but it is some different stage of PTSD than what I had been used to. Gone are the days when I was overcome with fear that I would have to see him with some O/W, either the ones he kept dangling or a new 'fantastic' find. That behavior kept me stuck for years and years while he destroyed my soul and whittled my life down to nothing. I was controlled by this and wasted a good portion of my life obsessing about the fact he might leave me. I spent hours searching for info on one of his 'girlfriends' and desperately wanted to look like her, be like her, etc. My behavior sickens me today because I wasted so much of my life wallowing in my insecurity. An insecurity he fed upon. The poor other woman died of cancer some time ago and I moved from being dominated by the bastard to carefully plotting an escape thousands of miles away that was the closest I could get to being free. He was becoming unsafe to live around -- not overtly violent, although he had come close to hurting me in the past, but inadvertently dangerous. Things I've described on previous posts. So he has lain in wait, like a spider, plotting how to 'get' me and finally over the past couple of days verbally confronted me. I have been terrified of being near him and had carefully planned my second escape when he cut off most of the money. It has all worked out with the help of a dear friend who is also married to a N but I couldn't have predicted the PTSD episode he sent me into with his verbal assault. These emotions are so real and so unnerving. I couldn't go totally NC because of our son and know much of the reason I put up with the psycho was because I am truly afraid of him. What I realize now is how much better off I would have been leaving him when I first suspected he was a psychopath instead of letting years go by. After being physically away from him for a year I still reel from his words and get totally scared but now I can recognize my fear after the initial panic subsides and dive into this website for support. In less than 24 hours I was feeling much stronger but I had to once again ask myself why I am so afraid of him? What exactly is the problem with me that I have let some psychopathic narcissist dominate my life for 15 years? I keep thinking that at some point the person who needs to re-learn how to walk from an injury won't ever learn again if too much time goes by. I am so afraid I will never be able to have a semblance of a normal life again because I have waited too long and the scars are too deep. Scoop, I read through the PTSD site you referenced and had to skim some parts because I feel so vulnerable and I don't want the symptoms they describe. (Power of suggestion!) I do think it might be time for a professional to help me past this stage in part because I don't want to muddle my way through and miss any more of my life by trying to figure it all out myself! Whatever would I have done without all of you and my dear friend? I guess I am writing this to help anyone who is contemplating trying to stay with an N understand that it is sooooo not worth it. You will just accumulate PTSD of all sorts that you will have to work through later and most likely, if you have children, they will either acquire their own PTSD or certainly not benefit from you having to deal with it.

#5 Jul 14 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

LilithErisRose

Gingercat

I was journalling today and thought some of these very same things... I am terrified of my N's "disapproval" especially the verbal. It's irrational at this point. I shouldn't give a damn or place any value on anything he thinks or says or judges. And I have made him a monster far greater than what he is capable of coming up with on his own. Just today I was wondering if I've gotten so far down the rabbit hole if I can ever heal enough to be recovered. I'm at 4 months now. To me, it's just like yesterday. I still feel bonded. I still feel like I have to fight with every ounce of my being to stay NC. Love Honor Respect

#6 Jul 14 - 10PM (Reply to #11)

gingercat

LilithErisRose, First let me

LilithErisRose, First let me say that I love your name. My grandmother's family was of the era where names were beautiful like yours. We had a Rose Altha and an Evelyn Belle, etc., Always sad I hadn't daughters to pass the names on but my niece has come through with a precious girl and is keeping up the tradition...... After I wrote my post I was thinking about how far I have come and trying not to be too hard on myself and it was so nice to see your reply because I totally agree with everything you said. Just why in the world do I care what this life's loser thinks about anything, even the weather? As the years have unfolded and I have seen him exposed over and over again I can no longer delude myself into thinking he is something he is not -- either total monster, or just a misguided soul no one understands but me, or a brilliant intellectual who is just missing a few screws. I needed to quit fooling myself and grabbing at straws. I had this amazing epiphany a few weeks ago that may ring true for you also. My best friend whose in a terrible situation with a pathological N really understood when we discussed it. Something came on the radio that talked about people's soulmates and I began thinking about my first husband of 22 years and how close we had been. High school sweethearts and really 'normal' people who basically had it all. I thought that we weren't actually soulmates and then thought of my N husband and for a fleeting instant thought this: "N is more of a soulmate to me." I was in the car, on a long trip and had plenty of time to think this through. I laughed because reality is there's no way in Hell anyone could think of the N as my soulmate. He has no soul, basically he has no personality except to destroy. Then it hit me: I thought of that term "Nature loves a vacuum," (or whatever it is) and I realized I had falsely constructed a sort of personality for the N in the absence of one. I had crafted my thoughts about him into a soulmate. It really gave me the creeps because I had to think about how powerful our minds are and how I must have decided to re-make him in my mind to something I could live with instead of really seeing what a piece of shit he is. I know that's a large part of why I stayed. Of course my first husband wasn't a soulmate. He had a really nice soul and ego when I met him and we basically brought all of our strengths to the table when it came to child rearing and careers, etc. We didn't always agree but no one was out to destroy the other. (The N destroyed marriage #1 with his charisma and lies and of course I fell for it all and after 15 years with the N guess that's water under the bridge that's neither here 'nor there anymore but still kind of sad.......... My N is basically a vacuum. He is like one of those parasitic things that attaches themselves to a big healthy tree and lives off of it until of course they eventually kill it. He moved into my life and consumed it

#7 Jul 14 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

gingercat

Sorry, I will try and finish

Sorry, I will try and finish this without hitting 'Submit'. HAH.....Guess that button sums up my personality 'cause I just see the word and push the button. Maybe we need to ask the site editors to change that prompt??? He moved into my life and consumed it while making me believe he was God's gift to the universe. Everything I had he wanted and of course in the taking of it he destroyed it. To this day (yesterday when he spewed venom at me on the phone) he treats me like a complete moron who has ruined his life. I suffered all the PTSD and wrote my earlier post because I am afraid of him. Now that I have so much space and distance around him I could carefully think about what most troubled me at this late stage, where I have physically left and have no intention of ever living with him again. In the past he would provide so much dissonance that I never had time to reason out my own responses. Here it is in a nutshell, I am afraid of any aspect of my life that he can still control. He can totally cut me off financially (he practically has) and he will definitely muscle his way into any family crisis or problem should he be given the tiniest opportunity. He can turn the simplest thing into a total crazy nightmare. What little furniture I have is in storage and if I am stupid enough to involve him in moving any of it, I will most likely a) never actually see any of it or b) he will try and move in along with it. Another thing that really scares me is my own life's decisions. I woke up this morning and vowed to get a medical power of attorney notarized tomorrow so there is no way he can interfere with my care should it be needed (he loves to call the health insurance people and tell them he's my husband and use my benefits, etc., and prolonged his own mother's agony by insisting he be in charge of her end of life decisions -- it was awful) I am also afraid he will somehow read this website so I can't post other things but what I realize is that he still has a lot of power to hurt me because I was stupid enough to marry him. My family are all kind and nice people that might defer to him should he get the tiniest opportunity to manipulate me and I have repeatedly told them he is unstable but it still worries me. That's what scares me. It may sound unfounded and obscure but at this late stage I am still scared of his deviance and psychopathic personality as he still has some legal control over myself and our son. (He is an attorney) Who the hell wouldn't have PTSD worrying about this stuff???

#8 Jul 14 - 10PM (Reply to #12)

gingercat

oops

oops, I wasn't done and trying to proof-read I hit submit. I will try and finish now.

#9 Jul 14 - 5AM

Lobo555

PTSD Day

I needed to read this today. Thank you. Triggered last night by a mutual friend, dream of CharlieSheenWinning last night. Ugh. He was reading a comic called, "Mira" and said it's his new wife's favorite. I explained to him that "mira" means "to see" in Spanish. I was thinking it was ironic that they both loved it since they are so blinded by their love for each other and their disorders. >.< It's been 4 months and I'm still triggered and can't bear the thought of seeing him or his new wife.

#10 Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Scoop

Lobo , there is no way

Lobo , there is no way getting away from the fact that seeing the narc with the OW is the most terrible trigger , my goodness . I live in a very small city and i have had the displeasure of seeing my narc and the OW about three times now and all times i could have thrown up on the spot , one time he kissed her infrount of me , straight after he turned to look at me then he followed me outside , god only knows what was going through his dememted brain . Luckly the OW has now dumped his sorry arse and that the point here , the narc simply can not form a real relationship with anyone , sooner or later that mask comes off and the OW WILL get the same treatment as us , a psychopath dosnt discriminate ,ALL people are objects , not just us . 4 months is still early days , i remember 4 months and im going to tell you i was at my worse , that 4 to 6 months are tough because you are exhausted and it feels like you have felt terrible for ever ... dig deep as the realy hard time is almost at the end , for me my up turn was about 6 months ... It takes so long , i know but the oldtimers are here to tell you if you keep NC you will get better .xx

#11 Jul 15 - 7AM (Reply to #6)

Lobo555

Thank you for an "old

Thank you for an "old timer's" perspective -- it really does help. I am trying to realize that the only power he has is the power I give him. In fact, I think I can hurt him more by going about my business and ignoring him than he can hurt me. It's easy to keep NC because he's all consumed with his wife and has forgotten about me. So I don't have to worry about him calling or texting. His best friend has reached out to me, though. This is the guy who felt it necessary to describe CharlieSheenWinnning's sex life for me to hear. I don't trust him, either. He called under the guise of asking about a mutual friend of ours who was in the hospital. I thought it was legit at first. But THEN the woman who was in the hospital told me that the best friend texted her. Didn't ask her about being in the hospital! Just said, "Call me to go for a drink sometime." WTF????? So I have my hackles up now for CharlieSheenWinnning AND his best friend!

#12 Jul 15 - 8AM (Reply to #7)

Scoop

Ooohhhhh the sending the best

Ooohhhhh the sending the best friend to check up on you is a clasic narc move and gose under the radar if youre not carefull . My narc sent his best friend several times and once his best friend asked me for drinks to get me to a pub and my narc was sitting there suprise suprise !At the time i was still in the fog of it all and although i knew something was off it wasnt untill reacently how oblivious the move was . They can hover under the radar , they like to test the waters before they stage their return , and if you have proved youre self good supply they will try to hover , wife or no wife .. xx Big Love Scoop xx

#13 Jul 15 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

Lobo555

I think I was good supply --

I think I was good supply -- I put up with a lot of b.s.! :) I have not returned the best friend's call and my friend who was in the hospital is not returning the text. We're both going NC because we think the best friend is a narc, too! I want nothing to do with the whole f'd up mess. I've been hanging out with different people in other towns and having a blast. Now I'm waiting for the drunk-and-dial. "Hhhhhiiiiiiii. . . hhhhhhow are yeeeeeew. Haven't talked to yew inna while. So. . . (pause while he tries to remember who he's dialed). . . [insert my real name here]. . . hhhhhhowyadoin'? Whyen't yew call me back!"

#14 Jul 14 - 5AM (Reply to #2)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

You know, Lobo, not only am I

You know, Lobo, not only am I looking forward to the day when my exN's new relationship implodes, but I'm looking forward to the day it all falls apart for CharlieSheenWinning as well. Hopefully by then I won't give a crap one way or the other about mine and will have moved on to indifference, but I think it will be satisfying to some degree, nonetheless to see these assclowns fall right on their faces. I told mine there will be a special place in Hell for him for the way he treated me and other women.

#15 Jul 14 - 6AM (Reply to #3)

Lobo555

Yes, here's to the both of

Yes, here's to the both of them falling on their faces and eating dirt! I hope they each break a tooth from falling on the hard ground. :) I realize the entire experience with him was so intense, it means the withdrawal, ptsd, hurt from d&d are also intense. I've had bad breakups before, but never anything that felt like this. I feel really good some days (after 4 months nc), but am amazed by how a trigger can affect me so completely. The intensity of my reaction throws me off. ::deep breath:: Just need to ride this out. Tomorrow will be better. ::deep breath::

#16 Jul 14 - 6AM (Reply to #4)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

LOL!

"Yes, here's to the both of them falling on their faces and eating dirt! I hope they each break a tooth from falling on the hard ground. :)" OK, that made me laugh! ;o)

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