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UGH

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#1 Jul 9 - 2AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

UGH

It's my sons first birthday party tomorrow. I'm holding it at my parents house where I and my son now live.
I separated with my n when my son was 8 months old.
I've been doing so well, keeping minimal contact (I have to have some) and ive been very happy lately.
I made a special cake for the party and I've been really busy getting everything ready.
The n saw his son on his actual birthday - he had a visit supervised by my parents.

I am so glad I am away, yet with this party looming I can't help but feel a mixture of sadness and regret. I'm having a celebration for my sons first birthday, Its a special time and im saddened that I don't have the masked side of the n to share it with.

This is also the first real social gathering of my extended family and I'm facing it as a single mother. The injustice of it burns.

Jul 9 - 10AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

This brings tears to my eyes.

This brings tears to my eyes. Yes it is injustice...you had the right child, just picked the wrong man. It is awful, and it isn't fair and it makes me so angry. I'll be there babe, facing the music alongside you, so please use my support. Life is just so unfair, but thank god your baby has a lovely mother who is a wonderful, kind and gorgeous person. You are the best thing that this boy has and he will be so proud of the dignity and strength you have displayed and the wisdom you will pass on to him. xo
Jul 9 - 10AM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

UGH

I am sorry you are feeling alone in this. You have absolutely done the right thing by choosing to raise your son without the n. I have two daughters who are now teenagers and was married to my n for 16 years, way too long. My n never helped plan for their birthdays one bit...just showed up to visit with the adults there. Towards the end of our relationship he didn't even bother with that. You are mourning the loss and trying to celebrate at the same time. You might be wondering if things could have worked out. Your family is hopefully supportive and nonjudgmental. I won't say "Enjoy the day" as I find that too glib. I will say Enjoy your son and be gentle with yourself.
Jul 9 - 2AM
Journey
Journey's picture

I hope you enjoy your son's

I hope you enjoy your son's birthday party and this celebration with your family. Your mixed feelings are so understandable. Your ex is so scary from the stories you've told, regardless of the injustice of it, both you and your son will have a much happier life the less he is involved in it. Congrats about his first birthday! I often think of a child's birthday as the mom's birth day - you are after all the one who gave birth :) I hope you have a great day tomorrow!

Journey on...