He is EVERYWHERE!

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#1 Jun 8 - 9PM

rainbow1

He is EVERYWHERE!

I can not believe that I am going through this again! The last time we broke up he through my name in the dirt. Friends that I have known since the 1st grade refused to talk to me because of the things he said. No one talked to me for about 6 months.

Then the N started messing up, sleeping with his room mate's girlfriend. Slept with his best friends 16 year old sister. He got kicked out and had to live with his dad again. Then people started catching onto him. They realized he was no good.

Thats when I started getting the apology calls. Everyone wanted to hang out with me again and I was let back into the group. This lasted for a few months until the N popped back up in my life. Friends still didnt let him back in but I did. Then they slowly did too.

I made a huge mistake a few months ago. I was trying to date another mutual friend of everyone's. I have known him since I was 5, but then me and the N started talking and I ended up sleeping with him and he of course told everyone.

So now I look like the crazy girl again. I look horrible. I look like a cheat and a liar for sleeping with the N when I was talking to the other mutual friend. Now the N is running his mouth again and people are believing him because of the recent stuff that I did.

Now he is everywhere. I went to a completely different group of friends house this weekend to avoid the N, but he showed up and managed to spread rumors in the hour he was there. Then today I went to go play kickball with friends and I saw the N's truck there so I turned around and went home.

I dont know what to do. I feel helpless. I shouldnt of done the things that I did to look like a cheat and a liar. But now I feel like I cant turn a corner without seeing him. He did this last summer too and I had the worst summer of my life. I dont want to have what he says about me affect me.

I know that all of you say that I should get new friends if they listen to the N and believe him, but it is hard. Most of these people I have known since middle school. It hurts thinking that they believe the things that he says. It also hurts feeling like I cant turn a corner without him being there. I dont want people to only know his side of the story, but I am also too exhausted to run around defending myself. I feel stuck :(

#2 Jun 9 - 2PM

Hunter

Rainbow

Before I met happy! I had two friends I could trust! Now I have three! Right Happy? It's not a popularity contest! A true friend will stand by your side! The rest are just acquaintances! Get it? Be true to Rainbow! Hunter

#3 Jun 9 - 10AM

Goldie

I have high hopes for you Rainbow

You have been sharing for a long time here and I know you had a rough start in life, however, that is no excuse at this point for putting up with this crap. There has been too much of it and gone on for way too long. You need to find a part in your brain which see's the truth and stop listening to your emotions. Emotions lie, the head and the intuition know the truth. This man is no good for Rainbow. He is toxic to Rainbow and he has to go. His friends are not your friends, you need your own friends who don't hang with him. You seem like a great girl and I've seen your pic, you are very pretty and you sound smart. When you begin to realize that you can have your pick of so many nice kind guys, maybe you will stop. If you don't realize it, I'm here to tell you that I realize it. I realize that you are a good catch and do not have to settle for any abuse anymore. STOP the insanity and get Rainbow well again, get Rainbow's confidence up, and her self esteem up. I can't possibly be the only one telling you this, I bet you hear it all the time, you just don't believe it yet. As you stay away from him and his sicko friends long enough you will start to see your self worth. I think the whole bunch of them are toxic to you, not just him. Birds of a feather flock together and his friends sound just as whacked as he is. Give this some thougth and do what's best for Rainbow today. God bless, Goldie

#4 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

rainbow1

Goldie

I hear what you are saying, but the thing is that they were MY friends. They have been for years. I used to go to a summer cabin with some of them growing up for 5 years in a row. So its harder than you think so just say "goodbye N's friends" because they were mine first. And the really weird thing is that the friends that I am talking to that do not invite him around or really like him anymore are his old friends that he introduced me too. It seems that they are the only ones that dont care about the N and invite me around, whereas my friends picked him.

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#5 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Goldie

I hear you

No one said this is easy, sometimes you have to find a new circle for awhile as you are healing. The friends you speak of just don't know him like his do YET. They will in time, sometimes it takes a few years sometime less. When these people see you getting on with your life and not down in the dumps all the time over Narcoboy, they will see what is what. The ball is in your court and always was, you give this guy WAY too much power and maybe, I don't know, your friends are tired of all the drama and hearing about it, no offense, but it makes us look crazy when we are in these on again off again whacky relationships, this could be what causes your friends to side with him, Cuz narcs always look in control, it is us, their targets that walk around all upset and distraught over all they do to us, this may be what they are seeing, I don't know. I would try not talking about him to them anymore and see what happens if you are unable to take a break from them altogher. God bless, Goldie

#6 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

rainbow1

Goldie

That is exactly what I did last time. I ran around talking about the N to anyone that would listen. And they couldnt stand it anymore. This time however, I havent said one word about him. He is telling them that I hit him in the bar 2 weeks ago for no reason, I havent said anything. He is telling them that I am crazy, I havent said anything. I honestly havent said one word to these people about anything that he has done. I think their issue is all of the drama though. That I slept with the N when I was trying to be with another friend in the group. That really upset people, which is understandable. But this time around I have kept my mouth shut.

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Goldie

Good, just give it time

All of that behavior of yours was a direct result of the abuse from the narc, we know this, I did some things I would not normally do when I first broke up with the narc, I'm sure a few eyebrows were raised in my direction. I was not myself and cannot even bother to defend it because I was in so much pain. So you made a couple of mistakes because you were in pain, this happens. Don't beat yourself and in time your friends will see the change in you and realize that you were just going through a bad faze. As far as hitting him goes. Just more narc crap. Leave it alone you hardly look like a prize fighter, that one will blow over too, in time. As far as hitting on or being with two at once, you made a mistake, you loved the narc and thought he wanted you back, many have done that, you're not the first or last one to make that mistake. I believe this will blow over in time. Just keep doing what you are doing and give it a rest and I promise you, the sun will shine again on Rainbows head and in her heart. God bless, Goldie

#8 Jun 9 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

rainbow1

Goldie

Thank you for your response. That is how I feel. I feel like, yes I did make some mistakes and might of acted crazy but it was in relation to him. I have never punched anyone else. I have never showed up on someone's porch to make them listen to me. I have never texted someone 20 times before getting a response back. It is all in direct relation to him.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#9 Jun 9 - 10AM

Deidre40

The low levels these people

The low levels these people go. I feel like I'm just learning about this disorder. Good grief. :=( What is wrong with me, that I am surprised by what you are writing? They're insane. They are not well, mentally. Really. There is no other explanation. And frankly? Why keep fair weather friends? I have kicked all but two that we 'shared' to the curb. If they will turn on you once, they will again. Believing him? Ugh. Makes me sick. My advice. Forgive yourself. Ask God for forgiveness. And take each day, waking up and being thankful for the life you have. Stay NC. And maybe move. lol Kidding. But, make new friends...and stay far and away from this prick. {{hugs}} It'll get better. Just have to stay away from them.

#10 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

rainbow1

D40

I know you are right and I know that I am going to get yelled at my some people here for this comment, but it makes me feel weak. I feel weak when I am on my way somewhere and turn around because I saw his truck. I feel like he is winning. Part of me wants to just go where I am invited even if he is there or not and just ignore him. I know that would really piss him off. And I dont want people thinking that I am weak because I cant be around him. I dont want those people thinking I am a flake or having anymore reasons to talk about me. So part of me wants to just go and put a big smile on my face like nothing is bothering me.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#11 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Deidre40

Here's the thing. And we have

Here's the thing. And we have all been there. The key is to get to a place where you want to go to a party...that he may be attending--because you want to go to the party. Not to ignore him. Not even THINKING about him. That is the biggest challenge. NC isn't about ignoring the narc, as punishment. It's about healing for us. From spurts of NC...some longer times than others...in this two month duration since the break up...I have learned this. NC BRINGS ME PEACE. Nothing else. I suppose knowing he is carrying on like a child, posting nasty stuff about me on his fb page sends a message to me that he will never change. That he desperately wants my attention. But, it disgusts me now. A few weeks ago, might have ignited a spark in me. But, after what happened yesterday with me and him...I have to stay NC. Like dropping off the face of the earth, NC. (dudette said this) I know that you feel like he's winning, if you don't attend a party. If he'll be there. I feel the same way about abandoning that website. But...at the end of the day, if it brings me peace...I WIN. I win when he no longer steps into my mind anymore. This man at this point in my life is nothing but an annoyance. No CD going on. I don't want to piss him off, I just want him to leave me alone. Stop baiting me. Stop trying to get people on his side over me. ENOUGH. And that's where u need to get to. If you still want to piss him off...you are not ready to be at the same party with him.

#12 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

rainbow1

D40

Me going places isnt about me trying to piss him off. It is about me wanting to be out there having fun just like he is. That is the issue. I am 22 and I should be having fun with people. Its not about me trying to make him mad, it is about not letting him ruin my time. That is where I am at.

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#13 Jun 9 - 8PM (Reply to #13)

Deidre40

Then go out and have fun. I

Then go out and have fun. I know the feeling. I have it too with something as silly as the website we belong to. For a while, we both interacted on there together. I actually got to know him the most through that site...we met in person for the first time last year. I feel unsettled if I leave or stay on it. It's a strange feeling, but at the end of the day--do what makes you happy. Honestly...we have spent so much wasted energy worrying about these people, it's time to do what we like. :=) I didn't mean to offend, I hope I didn't. {{hugs}}

#14 Jun 10 - 1AM (Reply to #14)

rainbow1

d40

You did not offend :)

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#15 Jun 9 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

ShaynasMommy

rainbow

I'm gonna step out on a ledge here and suggest that maybe you should consider moving somewhere else. I mean, I know you have a lot of friends there and change is scary. But if you cannot even be comfortable in your own town because of him then maybe you should at least consider it. You being the fabulous YOU would always be able to make new friends and take care of yourself anywhere you go. Its not a matter of being weak. Its more of a matter that you are changing as a person and the old life and many people in it just don't fit you anymore. Its nothing to feel ashamed of. I left town because I needed a fresh perspective and a safe place to heal....not because I was a coward or "weak." If he isn't giving any sign of ever moving on or splitting town, then you may be stuck emotionally for a long time. How big is your town? Maybe its time to embrace the new version of yourself currently in process and branch out elsewhere? Big hugs to you, SM

#16 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

rainbow1

I do feel like moving is the

I do feel like moving is the only thing that will help though. Back in Decemeber when I was going through all of the stuff with the N and my mom I changed jobs, I moved to a new house, I blocked both of them from Facebook, I even changed my number. But within 10 hours of changing my number the N had it. I feel like the situation is hopeless

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#17 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

rainbow1

ShaynasMommy

I would love to move. Trust me. I have thought about it many times over. Back in December I went NC on the N and also on my borderline mother. I thought that would of been the perfect time to leave, but I didnt. I just went on a month long trip to Europe. Now, I just started a new college here and I am part owner of a law firm that I opened with an attorney. I would love to move, but it is not an option right now. Maybe after I graduate but that is about a year away.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#18 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

Lobo555

I Understand!

I've been avoiding CharlieSheenWinning and his WinningFriends for 2 1/2 months now. It's not weakness, it's self-preservation. Your gut is telling you that you need to be away from people who will hurt you. There's nothing wrong in that. When you allow enough time to pass, you will be able to face him *and* them. There's nothing wrong with staying away for a while to process all that went on and heal. If these people want to think you're a flake and talk about you -- f 'em. They need a life. In the meantime, you need to heal. {{hugs}}

#19 Jun 9 - 9PM (Reply to #6)

TNR1

A bit off topic...

but I love the creative name you have for your ex Narc. Every time I read it I crack up.

#20 Jun 10 - 7AM (Reply to #7)

Lobo555

:)

It makes me laugh every time I type it, so that's why I do it. I need all the laughs I can get! So far the cast of characters are: CharlieSheenWinning -- the man (I use that term loosely) himself NewWinningWife -- the woman he married 3 weeks after he met her, which is also 3 weeks after I broke things off with him. (And now presenting CharlieSheenWinning in an act. . . of desperation) The Goon Squad aka WinningFriends -- the minions who support him and like to tell me how wonderful his sex life is with NewWinningWife It's all so crazy. I have to make myself laugh so I don't cry all the time.

#21 Jun 9 - 4AM

Goldie

Narcs love to turn people agaist you

My X lied about me all the time. None of it was true. This is how they justify THEIR bad treatment of you. They treat you like crap; they have to have a reason why; so they say it is because you are bad. Real simple. Has NOTHING to do with you. Period. It makes you crazy to hear these things, so you cry, you get angry, and they have you right back where they want you. Their little puppet. And like we have discussed many times, this is NOT about him this is about you. It's about you having low self esteem and allowing him to push your buttons. It will stop when you end it. He is not going to stop; not going to change. When you are tired of being treated like crap; you will end this once and for all. Real friends do not believe the rantings of a sick man. You still think you can change him, make him understand, make him treat you right. Not going to happen. You need to work on you, not him. Get a good therapist and begin to look at Rainbow and why she keeps going back for more abuse. He is not going to change or stop. God bless, Goldie

#22 Jun 8 - 11PM

Arwen

Again, what kind of friends

Again, what kind of friends are these that don't stand by you? Why do you keep calling them friends. This is ridiculous and you know it. You have to throw out the whole bunch of idiots along with him. You need to get some real friends. When you decide what kind of person you really want to be, then you will instantly attract people to you who will help you be that person, who will encourage it. You are still very, very deep into him and this relationship. You need NC and time away from him and them - completely. It's very scary to change but you can do it.

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