He called yesterday

He already knew about my trip to Italy and asked about it because I've been planning the trip for months. When he had returned my "things" to me after the last break (in a box on my driveway) he had included a guide to Italy that he claimed he had bought for himself but thought I would be able to "make better use of". Yesterday, he asked if I was going to use the book. I don't even remember what I said in reply - but it was pretty glib. He wished me a good trip and said that he thought it was great that I was able to have this opportunity to have this time with my daughter. He's right! So, I doubt I'll get a rage about the trip. And even though I sort of get the whole "hoovering" thing with these narcs (if yesterday wasn't a hoover, I don't know what is!), it just pisses me off that they kick you to the curb with so much grandiose "it's completely over and because of what YOU did or didn't do" crap and then call you back weeks later with the "I miss you and it's so difficult" crap. CRAP, CRAP, CRAP - it never ends! Here's the way it's supposed to look (NOT sound): Man realizes that he still loves woman. Man realizes that he is at least partly to blame (but most commonly ALL to blame) for problems and does what is necessary to overcome problems and meet in a happy middle. Man is ABSOLUTELY NOT even remotely interested in looking at other women, let alone dating them. Man doesn't want woman to start seeing other men because he doesn't want to lose this great thing that he's been lucky enough to find in his life. Man doesn't just call and say all of the same things that used to work before but actually comes around and starts DOING the things to SHOW that he is worthy of such a wonderful woman in his life. Well, now that I know what it will look like when I find it, I can start believing my eyes and not my ears!

Thank you! I totally agree with everything offered on this post. NC is the ONLY way! Even my friends (off the forum) are strongly advising NC. These are the ones that last year were not so sure about whether he was a narc and thought I should give it another chance. NOW, they are on fully on board and think he's a huge asshole. The more I think about the call, the angrier I get!! WTF!!!!!

thank you!! I stayed NC and damn glad.

My grandfather was a big fisherman. When we were kids, we used to go to his farm and fish with him on his pond. When he would catch his fish, he would put them on a "string" and leave them in the water as he would continue to catch more. The fish would not always die right away and occassionally, he would decide to let one of them go (depending on how many he would end up catching) and it would swim away. I feel like one of those fish that was still alive and got myself free from the string as he was busy focusing on the next "big catch". I am the fish that is probably the biggest one and has been on the string the longest. So he's not sure that I'm the one that he would necessarily let go if he decided he had too many. But I did get away and instead of swimming quickly away, I'm stunned from the big "hook" that I've been attached to all this time. And I'm a bit disoriented because I've been stuck on his string all this time and am not sure quite which way to go to get back to the part of the pond I used to feel safe and familiar in. But I'm still near enough and he reaches back into the water, grabs me again and puts me back on that string because he's just not sure that he's going to have enough, or any that are better than me, by the time he's all done fishing. So today, I'm having to be extra vigilant (again) at telling myself (and believing it) that I'm not a fish on a string waiting to be judged "good enough" or thrown back because a better fish has taken the bait and gotten caught. I'm having to work hard to remember not to even feel like I'm in a pond with other fish while he's sitting on top, throwing out his line to see how well he can do and just how many or how impressive he can "land". I'm the swan that is swimming on top of the pond that is avoiding him because he has disturbed my tranquil water and spoiling the serenity of my idyllic existence. In all seriousness, I think he has opened a door for me to walk through and pursue him for a reconciliation that he would never allow. When we "ended" things three weeks ago, I was unemotional and complacent and I think that has left him a bit confused. He doesn't want to reconcile but he still thinks he can keep me in the game and certainly wants me to chase him to get him back. Make sense? (coz I'm pretty confused)