Rules of the Kingdom

I kept an email diary of my second year with my N. It kept me semi-sane. I wrote this entry about the rules of the kingdom a full year before breaking it off. I am being gentle with myself, but I do wonder, why did it take me so long? At least I still had a small sense of humor, even in my beaten down state. N's name has been changed to a blank (symbolic, eh?).

Rules of _____'s Kingdom

1. Do not express your wants or needs.
King ________ is not here to serve you.

2. Do not express feelings of love towards the king.
They make King _________ uncomfortable and he may get a royal headache.

3. Do not confront or challenge The King's behavior.
He does not need to defend himself. He's the king.

4. Do not talk about your relationship with him.
You're lucky even to have a relationship with him.

If you break any of these rules you will be reprimanded
and instructed (for your own good) to lighten thyself up.

Depending on the severity of the offense,
you may be punished.

There are other rules,
but you will need to figure them out yourself.
You will know you've broken one when King ______ withdraws his affection.
That is the best way to train you to follow the rules and
be a faithful and obedient subject,
for the good of the king and the kingdom.

So be it.
Long live King __________!