How did this happen?

Is I think the central theme here and something you have to learn how to master in order to get to the other side. Once you get comfortable with loneliness, then fear is not what motivates your decisions. Once you know you can deal with loneliness, the desperation to solve the "ill" is not as intense. AND the lonliness is what also pushes you to grow because that in and of itself is a struggle. You can be in a room full of one hundred people and still be lonely and not centered. Use the loneliness to find you...and you will be halfway there. Stick to the board, and start learning how to do things for you that make you happy, share, vent, explore...the forced isolation actually was the best thing for me...but it took a lot of courage to stare it in the eye. Since the dawn of time, man has stuggled with his need to connect with others against the sometimes inevitable appearance of solitude at the most unwelcome times. Hugs....

You are very sad. And so you should be. You fell in love to a man who treated you wonderfully. Maybe you didn't miss a thing. He probably was the perfect man. He conned you. Then the mask slipped. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! There is nothing you could have done to keep Dr. Jykell on a full time basis. The true person is Mr. Hyde. Dr. J is a necessary appendage so as to extract from the victims. Go read my story. It must be way in the back somewhere. I was swept off my feet. Married in 6 months. He married me to buy a house--for money. Shortly after the marriage, Mr. Hyde emerged. Life went back & forth between the two. I, too, became terrified of him. I suffered from PTSD. Perhaps you do too? I cried a lot. I never cry any more. I left him almost two years ago & I was divorced about a year ago. My only regret is that I stayed too long. The divorce was horrible. I lost money. But, you will only lose more money the longer you hang in there. I think you will feel much better if you make a decision. if you decide for divorce, then do it. Get yourself a damn good lawyer, a real shark, because divorcing a narcissist is a hair-raising experience. And, once it goes to that level, you will truely see how nasty this man is & how little feeling he ever had for you.

please realize you are NOT ALONE, I am an older woman with very little family left and none around me, I spent 15 years with man who could not care if I was dead or alive, who left and moved to another state even though we had talked about going together. He is NOT human. you sound like a strong woman, I am very lonely but like others said here, you combat it by doing things you like to do, right now, besides working I volunteer at places I am interested in. We ALL get lonely. If I were you I would see a good therapist, who specializes in personality disorders, and talk things out with him/her, it made a huge difference for me as to moving forward, because to hell with him, it is YOUR life now that counts!!best of luck remember it is your one and only life...I just noticed you mentioned counseling, great start!

Wow! This sounds so familiar to me. I have invested a little over 3 years with my Ex-N. He literally would walk out every three weeks or so and stay away for several days and then be right back. I let this go on and on. I also would let him come back because it was easier knowing where he was than wondering when and what he would do to me next.(Domestic violence & stalking) He took me away from my grown children and my closest friends and it became impossible to see them or even talk to them on the phone. (He hung on every word) I drove him away this time by not feeding his ego and catering to his every whim. It was quite a shock when I came home from work to find out that he had moved out, changed his address and blocked my phone number so that I couldn't call or text him. I wanted him to go and I was devasted. I wish he would have told me he was leaving, I would have helped him pack. This is what I have done to deal with the loneliness: I walk my dog more I feed the ducks I go to yard sales I do things that make me feel good - ME, not HIM: ME ME ME I don't have alot of money and I'm still raising my children. I think about me for a change. When he was here it was what he wanted for dinner, where he wanted to go, what he wanted to do. You will find that doing the small things will make you feel so much better. BUT it takes time. When he established NC with me , it was the best thing he could have done for me. I'm almost three months NC with him and I have finally stopped obsessing about him and his new gf (that he had just two weeks after leaving me). I don't cyber stalk anymore, I don't think about him every minute of every day. IT TAKES TIME. Give yourself some slack, this is a very traumatic experience that you have gone through and it is not easy to get over. Check around your local social service agency to see if some free counseling is available. IT really helps to talk to someone who can give you the medical prospective on why these things happened to you. Stay strong!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know that you have support here. I know it's hard to think of anything but the narc because I was like you. He consumed me and I lost my family and friends as well. If you can, try to get out there and make a friend. You will feel better and start living again. I know it's a struggle to get a divorce, but if that's what you want then it's a battle worth fighting for. You have a long like ahead of you and I know I felt alone even when I was with my narc. It's a sad place to be. (Hugs)

You've come to the right place to find hopefully some answers for you and the support you need to understand what you are dealing with in your life. This can be a long drawn out journey but one we all must take if we hope to someday free ourselves from the situation we find ourselves in. Im still new here also so im in the learning process. There are many wonderful people here with go sound advice. Hope you gain knowledge and insight into your troubles here.

Welcome to the board. The best thing to do in the beginning is to just keep reading the stories and posts as you are doing. Also sharing what you are going through will help us to help you. The questions that you ask have no easy answers. You have already done the most difficult part which is getting him out. Keep posting and know that you are among people now who understand what you have been through and are going through. He sounds like a classic PD with the isolation of your friends and family, the change in personality, and the the evil man he is today. I suggest that you read the steps and try to practice them as best you can for now and if you have questions we will gladly help you in any way we can. When you are with a PD and you have the courage to get out as you have; it does not seem to matter whether you end it or they do; you still will need to heal and recover from the abuse and damage which they caused. Be gentle on yourself and take it one step at a time. God bless, Goldie